Do you need cash? I know that I do. But I am going to take a rather unconventional path to it. For a few months now I have been in the middle of this exercise to discover God as both Provider and Provision. In it I have learned so much. I've discovered it gets worse before it gets better. Or at least that is the hope because I have not seen the better yet. Oh I have seen it in closeness to God, but not in terms of dollars and cents. I have discovered the insanity of sanity, though I am waiting to see the sanity of insanity. And as always, I have thought, I have prayed, I have sought counsel. I have done all that I know to do in preparation for what is about to come.
You see, I don't believe in testing God. Yet at the same time I do believe His word. And I do believe that if I stand on it, then I will see it fulfilled. That is how I saw Him cure blindness through me for the first time. It was believing His word that I saw the lame walk. Faith in His word, and I have seen my prayers answered to see cancer go, hearts healed, and the symptoms of stroke disappear. Why? Because I set out to prove His word in my life. I figured if God said He heals through prayer, then I was going to see it. I went to the hospitals and anywhere else I could to find the sick and see them healed. The healing is real and I have seen a ton of my prayers answered in this area. But the question remains, how can I expand this faith to operate in the area of finances as well.
I know that the Bible contains as many or more promises about finances for us than healing. Like Philippians 4:19, "and my God will supply all you needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus." Proverbs is full of them. Proverbs 3:16, 8:18, 10:4,15. How about Proverbs 10:22, "It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it." Psalms 37:19, "The will not be ashamed in the time of evil, and in the days of famine they will have abundance." On and on the Bible promises supply, abundance, needs met, etc. And yet, here on the first of the month so many of my obligations have fallen further behind. Guess the question is why?
Some have suggested to me that I should be tithing (giving). And to be truthful I give what I can . Before the demise of my business I had tithed religiously and given even more. Over the first 15-17 years of my adult lifetime I gave away hundreds of thousands of dollars. So those seeds are out there. Additionally, when $3.5MM in net worth evaporated and cash bleed out like Niagara Falls, I didn't see any money coming back my way. So with all my heart I don't believe my issue is an issue of giving.
My own thought have been, why won't God bless the work of my hand? I work, and work hard. Being in the mortgage business I manage to find loans. Closing them in a timely fashion and creating a regular stream of cash flow is another issue. 3 times I have been in the top producers for some of the largest mortgage banks in America. 5 times the company I worked for failed. It is not about work ethic. It is about mission. I've discovered I have been on the wrong mission. This is my mission... Shameless surrender that some might know Christ more is the "work" that God wants to bless.
I was called to ministry at 15. Avoiding it has been a whole lot of pain. Embracing it has been a whole lot of pain too. But it's a good pain. Its the pain of death of old and the beauty of the resurrection of the knew. It is Romans 11:29 coming to life in me when it says, "for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable."
Others have suggested a curse. And yet Galatians 3:13 says, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us -- for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree." So its not a curse, Certainly could be the economy and a big fat dose of life. But doesn't faith in God transcend life? Doesn't faith defy the laws of physics, finance, economics, and all other earthly laws?
Up to this point I have survived by borrowing from friends and family on the promise of tomorrow. Always behind, always owing someone something. But today, on June 1, 2011 that ends. I have borrowed my last dime. It is not up to my friends and family to do this. I will not be a prodigal requesting an inheritance before its time. It is up to God to provide both His presence and my daily bread. Just like going to the hospitals to pray for the sick, I am going to put myself out in a place of no return... a place where God has to act. And I am not doing this to test Him. I am doing this because He is compelling me to do this. I am at the place that if the phones get turned off, then God wants them off. If the lights go off, then God wants them off. If absolutely nothing comes in and I can't pay the first priority of child support... then go ahead and jail me because its what God wants. Take my house? You can have it, because I am trusting God to provide.
And this concept is really not unique. I have a friend Russell who years ago was in the exact same position. He told his dad about it and his Dad bailed him out with $11K. He told me that taking the money was one of the biggest mistakes he ever made. That it only delayed the inevitable which was a complete and total trust for God. Short version of a long story, a while later he was $28K in the hole, the bank was going to take his house. On the very day of foreclosure God provided a miracle. Another inspiration is Jim, my faith coach. He left a $500K/year job to simply love on people. He does not advertise, he does not have an office, he does NOT CHARGE. And yet today God provides him with "exactly what he needs." So they were my confirmation that this desire inside of me is a godly one.
This is not to say that I will not continue to work, because I am. I am not going to sit on my porch drinking Dr Pepper and eating chips waiting on a check to arrive like I am on God's welfare system. And even though so much of how God provides to His ministers is through touching the hearts of people, this minister is not going around begging bread.
All around me this message is being confirmed like what I read from Oswald Chambers today. He said, "A man's obedience is to what he sees to be a need; Our Lord's obedience was to do the will of the Father. The cry today is - 'We must get some work to do...' We have to see first of all that God's needs in us personally are met... The purpose of this (lesson) is to get us rightly related to the needs of God. When God's needs in us have been met, then He will open the way for us to realize His needs elsewhere." And as I believe open the way for our needs to be met as well.
So what changes today? For me, it is my heart. In Jesus name I am going to be as steadfast to this commitment as I was to break my nicotine addiction. Mathew 11:12 says, "... the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." My hearts commitment to this is militant. My heart is to take this on and take it by force if I must.
Beyond this militant heart to capture what God is compelling me to do, I am also going to be open and honest about all that happens. Good, bad, or indifferent. The readers of this blog will see the lessons and miracles that come. If fact, I will start with this.
Since this is in essence about faith for finances I think that it's safe to have a measurement. I don't want to be too specific so I am have chosen an arbitrary numerical system to evaluate God's provision of daily bread. (money). Today, the running total is -25. So in the terms of provision I am in the hole, but God is going to show me the way out. So look for what I will call June 1 Updates at the end of subsequent posts.
Now let's see together what He does. In the mean time I am going to be militant in standing for this. "No" is not an answer. Discouragement is not an option. Advice is pointless. This is my Jacob moment where he wrestled with God in Genesis 32. So encouragement is always accepted because I am not letting go until He blesses me. Even if it leaves me crippled or dead.
I am not a pretender. I am not like the others. And that's why today's selection is the Foo Fighters. (Thanks for the inspiration Jim)The officers in their riot gear are the world, the discouragers, the unfaithful. They are those that rely on themselves, their intellect, and perceived skills. They are at work for Satan and don't even know it, but think they are doing good. First one comes and the intimidation doesn't work. Then more... still I can not be intimidated because I am not like the others. Finally the attack, only to be utterly destroyed by the blood of Jesus Christ. What side of the line are you going to be on? The real side, or the side of the pretender?
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