God Speaks... to me

Matthew 27:46, “About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Eli, Eli, Lama, Sabachthani?’ that is, ‘My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?’”

At my men’s meeting, Iwo Jima, this week I was sharing how God has a focused dealing with me trying to teach me financial responsibility. I talked about how the Holy Spirit will ask me a hypothetical questions, and how God’s response to my answer is so often, ‘wrong answer.’ And so T (identity hidden to spare the innocent) asked me, “How do you hear God speaking to you?”

To which I replied, “It is not a voice speaking so much as it is a visualization of God bowing His head in disappointment… that I interpret as ‘wrong answer.’”

And to that T added further comment. He began with, “I say this in love…” and the rest I heard as ‘I find that people often infer their own voices/feelings/images into what they think is God speaking. But I don’t think God would do that, so consider whether you are really hearing God.’

This did give me pause, and I did give it considerable thought. And as I prayed, “God, did I miss you?” The Holy Spirit quoted today’s scripture. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” Followed by the question, “Why did My Son feel forsaken?”

That is the easiest question of all as Christian doctrine teaches that is the moment our sins were put on Christ the Father turned His head from Christ as the scripture says, “God cannot look upon sin.” And so too I believe what I hear God speak to me is in fact Him, in spite of others' experiences. Christ experienced the Father turn His head, and so did I. So I continue down this path of learning godly financial responsibility knowing that God speaks to me.

And knowing that God is speaking to you.

If you do not hear the voice of God daily I encourage to pick up my book available top right of this page. It is designed front to back to help all Christians hear God Speak. 

Financial Responsibility

Matthew 25:14-15, “For it (the Kingdom of God) is just like a man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his own ability; and he went on his journey.”

As much as I want to make the Parable of the talents about talent, time, energy, effort, the Holy Spirit will not let me escape the fact that the literal interpretation is about money. As a continuation of my post “Money… Money… Money” I feel as if God is holding me accountable not for the tithe, but for the other 90%, after all it ALL belongs to Him. God is the “Man” of the parable, and His absence from earth in fleshly form is part of the “journey.” And so clearly on one level God does observe our financial responsibility.

In Luke’s version of a similar parable the master gives money (minas) to 10 slaves not just three. The ending is slightly different in that only 3 return with any money at all. The other seven are not mentioned by I suspect, like most of us, they just went out and spent the money, and at the end of the period their bank account looked just like mine.

And so I don’t know that this is a doctrine for all of Christianity, but for me I feel God is very much observing me, wanting me to make good, godly decisions with what I earn. And not just godly decisions, but to have godly priorities. For me I have a keen godly driven desire to have no credit card debt. I feel that every month where the balances do not come down on the cards is a failure. In my household we have a budget. We may not always know where every penny is going, but we at least know where every penny has gone and work vigilantly to reduce that outflow. This I feel is God's desire and lesson for me.

I am working to having an emergency fund. I am working towards having three to six months reserves in the bank for time of famine like Joseph saved for, and Dave Ramsey preaches. But it is a slow process, and some days selfish desire conquers the discipline to obey. But step by step I get closer to learning God’s financial discipline for my life.

In the end God’s lesson is not about the financial, but about the responsibility. In the parables the reward for growing the money is more responsibility. So though financial responsibility is not a “salvation” issue it certainly is a reward issue that God would love to see us all attain. And beyond the spiritual/eternal consequences there are global real time kingdom consequences as well. Such as the reputation we give our faith when we confess Christ and then don’t pay our bills on time or at all. How many do we make stumble? Or have we considered the consequences of our inability to give to those in need because we have wasted God’s 90% on something considerably less meaningful.

I have to ask myself. What if Christ’s warning against the “love of money” was a warning of beware what and how you obtain it, and doesn't even apply to how you use it? And what if the parable of the talents and minas is a warning of beware how you use it? How many of us would miss our reward in heaven?

I for one am thankful that Christ does not want me to miss a single thing, and therefore instructs me daily how to move to be more like Him so that my reward can be all that He intended it to be. According to my ability as the parable says.

Counter Culture for Counter Culture’s Sake

Luke 14:26, “If anyone come to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.”

I call it “my men’s meeting,” the group calls it “Iwo Jima” but the theme among the members is that we all have, or are in the process, of crossing the proverbial line drawn in the sand to give everything to Christ. And as a result of this commitment it is a collection of (dare I say) extremists. --That term has such negative connotations these days, so for argument's sake let’s call all the participants disciples. Disciple being a person that has come under the discipline of Jesus.

The catalyst for this collection of radicals (oops… another bad word)… these disciples in love with trying to love like Jesus is Jim Spivey. Here is a man that by his own words lives a life of counter culture. Having, like the apostles before him, left everything to “follow” Christ. No longer a top executive from some publicly traded company sporting suits, ties, and ego is a man grey haired, bearded, and content in t-shirts and shorts in the presence of any manner of company or place. Like Jesus, and the original disciples, he wanders the streets of sort embracing those wanting, needing, or looking for love though none know that’s what they are looking for. Jim job/ministry/calling is meeting with the modern day Lazarus’s and Zacchaeus’s of this world. Without consideration of means to compensate Jim meets with any and all who find their way to his path and for which time allows. All the while without predictable financial support or paycheck he is wholly dependent upon God’s provision financially. That’s right… wholly dependent.

If you ever get the pleasure of meeting with Jim one on one I suspect he will say the same thing to you that he did to me. It was something like, “I do not charge for my services, but I am 100% dependent upon God’s provision so if He tells you to give to me, by all means please obey.” And this dedication to Christ, this faith in His provision is so counter culture; it is so Christ like that it is inspiring. Particularly in light of the fact that only about once a quarter do you ever hear him appeal for funds. For the most part it appears that God regularly provides even when the occasional crisis appears. And so in this group of men called Iwo Jima it is clear to see the inspiration that Jim’s faith has inspired.

One man left a comfortable job to go do something on his own that he feels is in obedience to the Holy Spirit, and that I’m sure is spiritually rewarding. Another has joined this counter culture revolution to open a studio, and in this act of obedience has come under attack in his financial support. Still another is relying on God to provide as he embarks on what looks very similar to a replication of the ministry Jim has obeyed his way into. And still another has moved his family in with a friend while he struggles and searches for his real ministry and calling that is accompanied with God’s provision. And still others walk this same path of total dependence on God that has manifested most immediately as financial dependence.

Mind you none of these men are lazy. None are not working “traditional” employment because work offends them; and equally I do not believe they are being counter cultural for the sake of being counter cultural. They each profess a deep need to experience Christ in His fullest and this is the path they believe the Holy Spirit has led them down. And why not?

God loves extremist, and I don’t mean radical Islamists terrorists imposing their will on those around themselves. God loves all of mankind, will allow those “saved” to spend eternity with Him, but perhaps takes particular delight in those that will extremely deny themselves, that will extremely follow, that will extremely love. Look at Christ. His 40 day fast was extreme. Christ love was extreme without consideration of position.  Paul was an extreme zealot. Peter was just plain extreme.  Mary was extreme in her anointing of Christ. Bartholomew was extreme in his honesty. And the list can go on and on.

The point is this. There is a place where people’s lives run counter to the culture because they are extremely following after Christ. And there is a place where people selfishly act counter culturally for the sake of being counter cultural. God uses those that will do it for Him. These “counter culture” people are who He uses so often in the role of teacher, mentor, or just plain inspirationally. Walking with Christ is so often on a path that is outside our comfort zone. The path offends are ego, it challenges our norms. Why not use people that walk a path so radically outside of our own comfort zones to be a visual reference and inspiration for us to move even so slightly out of our own to experience Christ more. 

Don't Cry for Me

Matthew 19:14, “But Jesus said, ‘Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

John 20:15, “Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping?...”

The post “Bullied” has brought to me several private messages. Some of support, some of concern, but none of the messages celebrated the beautiful mystery of the experience behind the post.

I like everyone have suffered some things in my childhood and teenage years that were not very nice. And those “tragedies,” or dark moments did have an impact on my character and changed my childlikeness into something more guarded. They did make me more isolated, and in need of certain controls. Those experiences were part of what caused me to react to all negativity as a personal attack; and any sane person should know all negativity is not personal. All tragedy, every dark moment is not some personal attack, but often just life and living in a decaying world. Those moments, and those acts against me represent loss of innocence. 

Some might argue this loss of innocence, which happens to everyone, is orchestrated by the devil. I won’t argue against it. One thing for sure is all of it occurred in spite of wonderful caring parents. All of it occurred in silence because somehow when you are young and something bad happens you feel responsible and calculate there will be further punishment if you confess or tattle. Sick twisted thinking the perpetrators almost mystically implant into their victims. But it is a loss of innocence none the less. And here in lies the beauty of bullied.

I am forty-six years old and have allowed things that happened as long as 40 years ago to impact my character and to subconsciously control my reactions. But God in His infinite wisdom said, ‘Today we are going to deal with it.’ God, by allowing all of this to surface now in effect is saying, ‘now Jeff can understand, and now I can bring healing, and now he will have more character like My Son.’

Can you see the cause for celebration? I wrote, “It is here, in the wonder that God comes alive inside of me. It is here that my spirit is filled with my Father saying, “You are no longer going to be motivated by them.” No more will the subconscious govern the conscious. The subconscious is now the conscious and I choose to no longer listen to it. I choose to forgive them, and I choose to allow that forgiveness to bring down the barriers between me and my obedience to God. I choose to not weigh my success or failure on some ghost of the past that is not even there, nor cares to be a part of it.” And already the healing that took place is manifesting in my attitude. Already problems are no a personal attack, but part of life and my life’s purpose.

I don’t write for sympathy, but I thank you for it. I write so that you can see God using life to teach me, so that you can see God using your life to teach you.

Some people go to church to hear about God applied and living in their life. Some read books. Some have coaches. Listen to what my friend Dave wrote about his being a “heart-coach.”

Dave says in regards to his coaching/counseling, “The short answer is: a conversation where we hold the intention that Life is teaching us and inviting us to see something amazing & transformational ALL the time… and we get to discover what it is for US personally… and that discovery makes all the difference in the world, in our life and for our life…”

I would add that Life is God teaching us about Jesus. He is inviting us to see how different we are from Christ and to then surrender to those differences so that we are amazingly transformed into His image. Dave simply helps to facilitate the vision, to see the spiritual truth in the circumstances. And "Bullied" was my expression of this same experience.

Which by the way… if you are in the Houston area Dave is giving away 100 free coaching session in the next 30 days. Call him at 832-233-2665 to get yours.

The point is this. If you read my post and cry for me, then you have read them from my perspective. If you read them and rejoice with me, then you have read them with God’s perspective. Rejoice that God is restoring my innocence. Rejoice that seeing what caused the loss of our innocence is not a painful reminder but an open invitation to overcome and restore not only innocence, but God’s purpose as well.

I will close by asking, Do you think the apostle Paul talked about all he suffered so that people would feel sorry for him? Or do you think the ship wreaks, beatings, jail, and other assorted sufferings were there to say, I’m just like you now look what God is doing with it?

God's Chorus

Deuteronomy 8:2, “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart.”

All around us God sings a chorus. A beautiful melody, a repeating message that is written for all but sang individually in perfect time.

Take yesterday’s post called “Bullied.”

Though Frances Frangipane via Mary Kemp, “What feels like an offense is really a door to your destiny. Consider Joseph, he suffered attempted murder, betrayal, slavery, imprisonment and abandonment, yet in all things he trusted God without reacting to the injustice. The offense in the hands of our redeeming God reveals where we are still controlled by our flesh. If you want to reach your destiny, you must become Christlike in your crisis. In a word, you must become unoffendable.”

Oswald Chambers via me to Jim and back at me, “True surrender is not simply surrender of our external life but surrender of our inner will — and once that is done, surrender is complete. The greatest crisis we will ever face is the surrender of our will. Yet God never forces a person’s will into surrender, and He never begs.  He patiently waits until that person willingly yields to Him.  And once that battle has been fought – fought well and authentically and all the way through - it never needs to be fought to that depth and agony again.”

I just simply love the beauty of God inviting Mr. Class of 1982 to Iwo Jima, to light a fire under that subconscious and the ungodly influence within my character that was causing misguided decision and false emotion. How in His perfect timing, bring it to the surface to be lovingly removed by the spiritual surgery of forgiveness, mercy, and surrender.

How many never hear the chorus God is singing for them?

The Chorus that for me, in my moment, joined by T Austin-Sparks. He began with Deuteronomy 8:2, “’Remember how the Lord your God led you ALL THE WAY in the desert these FOURTY YEARS, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart.’ … you see, it (the desert) is intensely practical… By getting yourself out of the picture! Self-will, self-interest, self-realization; that is the kingdom of Satan, and God is not going to give you His kingdom on that ground…

This is practical. I have to be quite sure that I am not in this, that some secret ambition of mine, some motive of mine, is not at work. Oh, how subtle are our hearts! You and I perhaps are ready to be utterly for the Lord. We mean well, and we mean it thoroughly. We would sing really with our hearts and with our voices at full strength, 'None of self, and all of Thee,' and we would mean it, and there would be no uncertainty so far as we are concerned. And yet God knows that we are all the time defeated in our very sincerity by secret motives, and nothing but a test position can prove whether we actually mean it. So He brings us to a test – to a prospect, and then a disappointment. How do we react? Is our sorrow, our pain, for the Lord or for ourselves? Are we disappointed, or is it really only the Lord for Whom we are concerned and we are not in it at all? You see what I mean – a test situation to find out after all whether it is 'None of self, and all of Thee.' We can never discover it except in practical ways along the line of very practical testings. The Lord knows it all right, but it is not enough that He knows it. You see, in order for us to come in, we have to come in intelligently and cooperatively. That is the point of every test. The Lord could do a thing with a stroke, it could happen mechanically. But we are in a moral world, and God acts towards man on moral ground. Man has a will that constitutes him a morally responsible person, and so he must exercise his will in cooperation with God.”

For me, the chance encounter, the nightmares… nothing more than a merciful God singing a chorus of invitation. An invitation to stop pandering to the ghosts of the past, and to more fully cooperate with God in sweet surrender.

And then, as if the concert from heaven is never going to stop I discover this song with Kari Jobe for the first time. The words say:

When I waited so long, when my tears were my song

With my hope nearly gone You held me God

To believe in the face of the dry, weary place

When You felt far away You held me God

Oh, there is freedom in surrender, oh I know it

Your songs have never stopped

You've been singing, always singing over me

Your words are still enough

And You're singing, always singing over me

The chaos in the cause teaching me to see Lord

The beauty in the storm so I believe

When I see through Your eyes, through the testing of time

Every cloud silver lined 'cause You're with me

Oh, there is freedom in surrender, oh I know it

your songs have never stopped

You've been singing, always singing over me

Your words are still enough

And You're singing

Give me faith

Give me strength enough to wait

To stand in faith

And listen for, listen for Your melody

Your songs have never stopped

Your songs have never stopped

Bullied

Luke 23:34, “But Jesus was saying, ‘Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing…’”

Two nights in the past week I have woken in the middle of the night to bad dreams. One was about a judgmental church condemning me for tapping my foot during the sermon, and last night, or early this morning the nightmare was a too bizarre to really describe. Both really enraged me, and the one this morning woke me at 5:00am, and I could not go back to sleep.

For some reason my mind began to go back through all the people who bullied me in my life. Most who know me, know I was sexually abused very early, but very few know about all the others that in one way or another tormented me on a regular basis.

As a child I was a year ahead in school. Not because I was so smart, but probably more because I’m a November baby. The result was that mentally I was very capable, but physically I always seemed to be a little smaller than my classmates. Perhaps it was this smaller stature coupled with my confidence and wit that led the older boys to single me out for bullying. Maybe I didn’t respond properly and so it continued. 

Whatever the reason I have some very vivid memories of Mike, Kevin, and Ed being very, very ugly to me on the bus rides to middle school. Mike was the ring leader, and though it was not as often as my imagination makes it to be, it seemed like every day they threw some part of their lunch at me. Beyond the treats of physical violence and verbal abuse that left me the blunt of the buses laughter, one thing that still sticks with me is that my peers, my friends, would also join in the fray. Why could they play with me in the afternoons, and join the abuse in the mornings? I just didn’t get it.

I remember thinking to myself that one day I would finally be bigger than Mike, and when I was I promised myself I would beat him mercilessly. It was in those days that I first started lifting weights, and my intent was to become physically dominating. It would be years later, probably 15 or more years later that Mike would walk into my office as a banker, cold calling on a multimillion dollar business looking for another client. There he was, his same 5’5” self. He had not grown an inch since middle school, which in and of itself was satisfaction enough. But in that meeting, when he saw me for the first time, he knew what he had done, and the man apologized to me. Really all I could not have ever asked for.

But Mike was not the only one. In high school for 3 years I was brutalized by members of the class above mine. And here is where I realize the source of my dreams.

Last week in the meeting I attend called Iwo Jima, and new guy came in. His name is John and he looked familiar to me. Come to find out we graduated from the same high school. He graduated in 1982, a year earlier and as he named some names that I might remember, he unknowingly actually named a couple of those abusers. And so subconsciously all that pain of the past has been brought once again to the surface.

On the middle school bus it was Mike, Kevin, Ed. In high school the bully was Ed and what seemed like the entire class of 1982. The very same Ed instigated by Mike always seemed to have something belittling to say or found humor in knocking my books out of my hands. And Ed, was no 5’5” individual. More like 6’5” star lineman for the football team.

This all sounds like boys being boys, but these boys didn’t just relegate their torture to words, or cutting me in line for lunch. More than once I showed up to football practice and they had urinated on my equipment.

And so one day my junior year I was late for first period. Ed walked up behind me and knocked all of my books out of my hand again. I said, “Fuck you Ed.” It was then his bear size paw grabbed me by the neck and lifted my 5’8” 150# body up against the lockers. Feet off the ground I teed off on him hitting him in the face at least four times before he dropped me; saved by a teacher who heard the commotion before Ed could gain his wits and pummel me.

Later that day what had happened was exaggerated by the rumor mill, and once through the girls had become a story of how I had beat up Ed and that his face was severely damaged… none of which was true. But that didn’t matter. Because the ultimate humiliation was to come.

I found myself on the football field, for what I can’t remember. But I do remember that there were coaches there that somehow disappeared when my back was turned.  There were classmates of mine that somehow disappeared as well. What I turned to was once again what seemed like the entire calls of 1982. They apparently thought I had bragged about beating up Ed, which I had not. But that did not stop them from surrounding me, yelling at me, spitting on me, pushing me down or slapping me. I literally was in fear for my life. For some time after I re-lived that moment and even prepared how to handle it different. I paid careful attention in Karate classes on how to deal with a crowd, where to attack, and who to attack first.

All of this may not should like much, but this is only a crumb in the loaf of what happened. It really says nothing about the emotions I felt, the support that never came, the tears shed in solitude. It does not touch on the ways that it changed my character, but this is why I believe God allowed all of this to come to the surface now.

For my entire life my motivation has been to never let anyone abuse me again. Never again would I allow someone to impose their will on me. At first weights and strength were the approach. If I could get bigger, stronger, faster then no one could bully me. But there is always someone bigger, stronger, and faster. And being violent only cost me time and money. So having fought more than I cared to from 17 into my twenties I went to the next defense… money. If I could make enough money, then no one would be able to bully me. Sadly, even with millions of dollars I discovered that there is always someone with more money willing and able to bully you.

Having lost the millions, having fought what I hope is my last fight many years ago I have struggled and struggled to regain my wealth. I have viewed the lack of success as more failure, and on some level I actually view my life as vindication to those bullies. Perhaps they were right. Perhaps I am deserving. Perhaps I am relegated to always being that person that some screws over for no other reason than I am here. No wonder I find comfort in isolation.

Sleepless, returning to a place where bullies from the past have gained the upper hand in my emotions and life I can’t help but wonder why.

It is here, in the wonder that God comes alive inside of me. It is here that my spirit is filled with my Father saying, “You are no longer going to be motivated by them.” No more will the subconscious govern the conscious. The subconscious is now the conscious and I choose to no longer listen to it. I choose to forgive them, and I choose to allow that forgiveness to bring down the barriers between me and my obedience to God. I choose to not weigh my success or failure on some ghost of the past that is not even there, nor cares to be a part of it.

For those of you with children I offer this one piece of advice it helping you children deal with bullies. Sometimes there is no way to make friends in the situation. Sometimes there is no way to avoid the situation. Sometimes there is no way to fight out of the situation. But if your child comes to you, or even if they don’t. Just be there for them. Be sad with them. Be confused with them. And most of all, ask what they want you to do about it before doing anything. Otherwise you just end up being part of the problem. 

The music selection is nothing spiritual, but I have complete empathy for it, because it is what being bullied can breed in your heart. 

After Surrender

John 17:4, "I glorify you on the earth, having accomplished the work You gave Me to do."

It was never my intent with this blog to have post that belong to someone else in their entirety. But I read this today for the first time and thought, WOW this is the exact spiritual path that I have been on. Remember the theme of this blog is "Shameless surrender in hopes that we might know Christ more." And today Oswald Chambers laid out this path of surrender in perfect detail. Enjoy!

"True surrender is not simply surrender of our external life but surrender of our will— and once that is done, surrender is complete. The greatest crisis we ever face is the surrender of our will. Yet God never forces a person’s will into surrender, and He never begs. He patiently waits until that person willingly yields to Him. And once that battle has been fought, it never needs to be fought again.

Surrender for Deliverance. “Come to Me . . . and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). It is only after we have begun to experience what salvation really means that we surrender our will to Jesus for rest. Whatever is causing us a sense of uncertainty is actually a call to our will— “Come to Me.” And it is a voluntary coming.

Surrender for Devotion. “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself . . . ” (Matthew 16:24). The surrender here is of my selfto Jesus, with His rest at the heart of my being. He says, “If you want to be My disciple, you must give up your right to yourself to Me.” And once this is done, the remainder of your life will exhibit nothing but the evidence of this surrender, and you never need to be concerned again with what the future may hold for you. Whatever your circumstances may be, Jesus is totally sufficient (see 2 Corinthians 12:9 and (Philippians 4:19).

Surrender for Death. “. . . another will gird you . . .” (John 21:18 ; also see John21:19). Have you learned what it means to be girded for death? Beware of some surrender that you make to God in an ecstatic moment in your life, because you are apt to take it back again. True surrender is a matter of being “united together [with Jesus] in the likeness of His death” (Romans 6:5) until nothing ever appeals to you that did not appeal to Him.

And after you surrender— then what? Your entire life should be characterized by an eagerness to maintain unbroken fellowship and oneness with God."

The Craziness of Worry

Matthew 6:24-34, “No one can serve two masters… You cannot serve God and wealth (or anything else) FOR THIS REASON I say to you, do not be worried about life… and who are you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing… Do not worry… But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I write this in honor of the men of Iwo Jima. Not the WWII veterans, but the men who gather every couple of weeks here in Houston to share with and hold one another up. In particular I write this in honor of Bill (name changed to protect the innocent) and what his life teaches me about my own.

Bill story is pretty bad. The results, whether from tragedy or genetics I do not know, are bi polar, schizophrenic, post-traumatic stress disorder. He himself will tell you that he is crazy. And it does not take five minutes with him to know something is off. He is very functional, he drives, he takes care of himself, he works to the degree employers will hire him. But his mind is something from another planet. He is VERY intelligent, I imagine his IQ is off the charts, but he gets lost in infinite detail and his thoughts seem to go endlessly on, always expecting or predicting some personal attack or future tragedy.

Bill started out meeting with a story of a car wreck. Apparently he was rear-ended on the freeway. And yet with his condition he took all responsibility. So much so that even though the driver hit and total his car valued at only $6000. Bill somehow spun a web that led his insurance to pay the other driver, in spite of the other driver being cited for a moving violation. Now Bill has received a subpoena to appear in court and testify against the assailant in a misdemeanor traffic violation and inexplicable, nuclear worry kicks in.

Bill is wracked with fear that his mental condition will cause him to testify in such a way that the prosecutor will charge and confine him. It scares him so much that he has considered fleeing to Mexico, but that is to no avail as he has also gone through all the reasons in his mind why that won’t work.

And so Bill’s crazy worry, reminds me, and everyone else present of how crazy our worries are. To God our worries, no matter how valid they seem to us, are just as crazy to Him as Bill’s seemed to me. We worry about storms, and Jesus sleeps in them… worry free.

We worry about money, we worry about our kids, we worry about politics, and our health. We worry about our job, we worry about making heaven, we worry about worrying. And none of it adds a day to our life.

Mark Twain is credited with saying, “I had a lot of fears (worries) most of which never came to pass.”

So much of worry, if not all, is about tomorrow. We need to focus on today.

Oh God help me to live today. Help me to be aware of and in pursuit of Your Kingdom today. Help me to serve You, and not the god of tomorrow whose name is worry. Give me Your perspective so that I would not be consumed by the craziness of worry. 

p.s. If you have an old car and want to donate it to "Bill" I assure you it would be an incredible expression of God's love to him. He went from car to motorcycle, and fell off the motorcycle and broke his collar bone. -- so if this is you contact me and I will make it happen. Jeffyuna@gmail.com

Homosexuality

Mark 12:25, ""For when they rise from the dead, they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven."

The inspiration for the prayers that have led to this post comes from The Voice and the gender bending lesbian who has been selected to move on in the competition. She  like the judge Cee Lo is the child of Christian Church Pastors. And so knowing a pastor who's son raped his daughter, I can't help but wonder what these parents who live and breath the Gospel of Christ think of their children openly or secretly engaging in sexual sin. Do they dare love their child in the presence of opposition and condemnation that surely comes from their congregation? And does God indeed condemn?

Well for one I am very thankful that this is a subject I get to ponder but not live. Secondly, I have no business judging it. Even though the Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians in 1 Cor. 6:9-10, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

I use to find Paul's words very comforting as the victim of homosexual abuse before the age of 6, but today... having found a place of forgiveness in my heart for my abuser, and having 5 children of different personality, talent, intelligence, and desire I question Paul's comments in relation to Jesus' words.

In heaven we neither marry nor are given in marriage. Is it safe to safe that in heaven there is no sex, unlike the Muslim doctrine? And if no sex, is there even male and female in heaven? After all Paul wrote to the Galatians in 3:28, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." And if neither male nor female, then isn't it true that without gender or sex in heaven that the part of us that might be fornicator, adulterer, or homosexual is not present there either? Are we our sexual desire? Or is our sexual desire part that is left behind?

I just don't know. All I know is that I am not a homosexual. I know that I believe none of my close family members are either. So for me and my family it is not an issue. But to see Co-Pastors embrace their gender bending, avowed lesbian daughter excommunicated from her parents church by a judgmental congregation gives me hope. If gives me hope that Christ has a plan even for those addicted to what is commonly known as sexual perversion.

I will leave it with what Pastor Dusty Kemp taught me. As Christians we are to love the sinner and hate the sin. You do not know how a person comes to be an alcoholic, a serial cheater, a homosexual, a pathological liar, a chronic thief, but you do know Christ has commanded that we love them all. Love God and love your neighbor and it all will work out in the end.

Simply Believing in Him

John 7:38, “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.”

A longtime friend of my sister’s came for a visit recently. While chatting with her she mentioned this blog and asked, “What are you going to do with it?”

To that I replied, “Nothing.”

This blog, though I wanted it to be something, was never intended to be about what I want. In my very first post I wrote, “There is no real reason or compulsion for beginning this blog. Oh sure there is plenty to say, but how much of it is really worth hearing. Perhaps though, there will  be one individual who will find their way here, and somehow read one life changing thought. If not, then these words have at least been immortalized and cast out, as Christ would say, as seeds. Seeds to provoke thought, to stir a spirit, to compel action, and to propel us all to new levels in Christ.” And that statement is as true today as it was then.

Later the theme came to me. “Shameless surrender in hopes that we might know Christ more.” And though different people want me to write less preachy material, some would like more stories of encounters with others, most offer no comment at all, the writing is not here to “draw” an audience of following. It is here in the nakedness of surrender to show my life as a Christian. Not just the ups or the downs, but all of it… my thoughts, my struggles, God’s answers and even God’s silence. It is here as an articulation of lessons and encounters with Christ, all so that someone else besides me can understand their own relationship to Christ.

I would be a liar to say that I did not have unspoken desires with regards to the results of this act of obedience. I had hoped it would lead to opportunities of ministry and itinerary preaching. I still hope that my children will retain it, and read it into posterity. I thought it would produce some income… I laugh at that. But for the most part it is just a simple act of obedience, to write what I feel like God says to write. Not His exact words, just the subject matter.

And so, outside of some simple stats and the immense pleasure of knowing that I have obeyed what I feel God is asking me to do, there is very little reward from this effort. I have not been overwhelmed with testimonies of affirmations that this collection of words has benefited anyone deeply. And that is just fine with me. Oswald Chambers’ words said it almost perfectly what this blog is about, and what I am going to do with it. He said, “A river reaches places which its source never knows. And Jesus said that, if we have received His fullness, “rivers of living water” will flow out of us, reaching in blessing even “to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8) regardless of how small the visible effects of our lives may appear to be. We have nothing to do with the outflow— “This is the work of God, that you believe. . .” (John 6:29). God rarely allows a person to see how great a blessing he is to others.”

What I am going to do with Propel is simply let the river flow. 

Fill Me Up

Acts 7:48, “However, the Most High does not dwell in houses made by human hands…”

About 17 years ago I encountered what I call the manifested, overwhelming presence of God. I might even be able to say the reoccurring manifested overwhelming presence of God. This encounter, if you will, occurred during worship at the church I attended. I won’t go into details about the experience, but I will say that the reoccurring part happened at every service for a few years. Pentecostals might call this “revival.” And in fact the Assemblies of God did call it revival because this “movement” seemed to have been birthed at a little church in Pensacola Florida called Brownsville Assembly of God.

It was an incredible time. For me I associated this awareness of the presence of God with the service. I assumed that it was a fulfillment of when two or more are gather in His name that He is in their midst. (Matt 18:20) Some claimed the experience which was universally shared by thousands simultaneous was because of intercession. Other’s claimed it was an anointing or special call on a minister. Whatever the case, I chased that “presence” literally all over the world.

Tommy Tinney wrote a book called “The God Chasers” and I was very much one of these people. I made multiple trips to the “revival” in Pensacola. I went to multiple churches in Louisiana chasing this “presence.” Also included was an incredible trip to Argentina and a powerful meeting in California. The experience was also enjoyed in Mexico and El Salvador. But in the end, the “universal” manifestation of the presence of God seemed to dwindle. For me as an individual there remained the lessor connection in worship, but the “out pouring” seemed to be gone.

For years I wondered why the “revival” ended so to speak. I looked for whom to blame. I wondered to myself and aloud whether a minister’s sin had killed it. But what I know now is that “revival” in the universal, overwhelming, uncontrolled since is not meant to last. It really is meant to be a taste of what is possible. It is I believe in so many ways a gift of a glimpse into the Kingdom of Heaven, but for the presence to be lasting in the individual, the individual must discover God and His kingdom outside the corporate environment. We must experience the failure of the institution and edifice of church in order to be drawn to the overwhelming manifested presence of God outside of it. And it really in the end is not even an overwhelming manifested presence. In the end, as the Christian begins to “walk” in the kingdom of God, it is nothing more than the awareness of what is already there, namely Christ in you.

I don’t think that I have many “regular” or “daily” followers of this blog that actually view it on the web in its original content. If I do, no one seemed to ask why the song selection for the last several posts has not changed? The reason is what I write now.

In that time of “revival” years ago the worship was about “come Lord.” It was asking God to manifest, it was asking God to join. The preaching was about “getting God to move.” Today those same songs almost bring a sadness to me because there is such a deeper, ever present expression of God’s love and presence available all day every day in any environment. He is there waiting for you and I to simply be “aware” He is there. My prayer is not that God show up, my prayer is that He would fill me up with this awareness. The Spirit is there. The “fire” is there. The "river" is there. My need is the awareness. My need is to be so filled up that my spiritual eyes see nothing more than Him.

This is not to say forsake the gathering of the saints, or in any way say church, preaching, or corporate worship is unnecessary. After all, when Jesus’ parents lost Him as a child where was He found? In Church Luke 2 tells us.

This post has been on my heart some 9 days now, so why, and what' the point? I guess the point is that inside the kingdom of God, or better said, in the awareness of the kingdom of God inside of you there is a personal revival that not only rivals, but surpasses any expression of the presence God in a corporate way. When you experience it, it will be hard if not impossible to articulate. When you experience it, you will mysterious encounter others who are experiencing it as well, and though neither of you can communicate specifics you know that you share an experience. If you are outside this experience then I think it begins with “Fill Me up.”

For those of you are subscribed by e-mail I challenge you to go to the web version of this post and listen to the worship attached as I know it doesn’t come through on the e-mails.  Or here is the link if you are unable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JobolRMC_Bg