The Calling of The Soul

Romans 11:29, “for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.”

I had every intention of beginning the blog with a quote from either Jim Spivey, T. Austin Sparks, or Oswald Chambers about how it is the soul of man that is given the calling of God. But unfortunately I could not find it or really remember where I saw it, so I will begin out of my own heart.

A calling, a life’s purpose… so many of us are lost as to what it might be. For me I have no doubt that God disclosed my purpose to my soul at the age of fifteen when he said, “Jeff, I have called you to be a minister.” And though I do not fill the role of a Pastor of even work for a church, that calling has remained in my heart dragging along sometimes as I ran from it, and other times searing my conscience and even conscious as I moved polar opposite of it.

That call has never left in spite of my vocation never seeming to be part of it, but my vocation is a part of it, and as my eyes open to the kingdom of God I see that call working in my paid profession daily, even unconsciously.

I think somehow I remained at least partially ensnared by the lie that a “calling” must also be one’s source of income. I succumb to the lie that because my ministry is largely confined to a loose collection of writings and individual contacts that it is not a “true” calling; or that somehow I have fallen short in it because I have not “changed” the world. But today I know that to be a lie from the enemy.

My calling to be a minister, though it may very well be “touching” you in this very moment has nothing to do with you. In fact, almost selfishly it is all about me and Him. It is about my obedience, and to the degree that my obedience extends spiritual wisdom beyond my own soul, then that perhaps is yours, or his, or her obedience to read or even stumble upon these words. A mere murmuration as I follow, often recklessly, the path God lays before me daily.

I don’t particularly want to be a minister. I largely think, or rather use to think, that if I could be a “minister” then life would get better. Then I would have done something to please God and my problems would go away. But reality is I can’t please God, not even with my most pious of behavior He would remain disappointed accept for the blood of my Example and His Son Jesus Christ. And as a result as I minister, as I open up, as I follow the calling I hope one day to find it a pleasure in sharing in the sufferings of Christ. Though my flesh is weak, though my mind can be tormented, my soul suffers nothing.

I get to press on to the call, learning that all this suffering is not suffering at all, but life. The pain is not pain at all, but a time traveling vehicle registering feedback from the environment. My soul rests peacefully in the arms of the Father. And in all of this He is teaching me to ignore all else. To seek in face in every circumstance.

I am not even close to being there, but I am closer than I have ever been, and it is numinous.