Friday, March 9, 2012

Holy Despair

Ephesians 3: 17-19, “…that you… may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breath and length and height, and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.”

Daily I read something from T. Austin-Sparks. This is probably because fifteen years ago his book The School of Christ was used as one of my first lessons while attending ministry school. Today, as I read that same book came full circle into my day again with the above passage.

T. Austin-Sparks (TAS) in conjunction with the Holy Spirit created in many of us a crisis of faith. When discussing the breath, length, height, and depth of Christ and His love he said, “If we live as long as ever man lived, we shall still be only on the fringe of this vast fullness that Christ is… This is not just rhetoric; this is truth. Let us ask our hearts at once, Is this true in our case?”

15 years ago a class of aspiring ministers asked in our hearts if this was true. Today again I find myself once again, is it true in my heart that I see I am only on the fringe of the vast fullness of Christ? Have I in arrogance arrived at some spiritual plateau? Have I settled that the vision I have of Christ is good enough?

TAS goes on, “Are we coming to despair on this matter? That is to say, that we are glimpsing so much as signified by Christ that we know we are beaten, that we are out of our depth, and will never range (measure) all this. It is beyond us, far beyond us, and yet we are drawn on and ever on… That is the mark of a life governed by the Holy Spirit. Christ becomes greater and greater as we go on.”

Looking back 15 years I am in awe at the depth achieved, but looking forward I am in greater awe that this relationship with Christ , this understanding of His fullness achieved so far is but a drop of water in an endless ocean.

Oh the holy desperation to know the fullness of Christ. More… is all that my heart can say.


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