Feelings

Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, and yet do not sin…”

And so in my continuation of yesterday’s post on emotions… a.k.a. feelings… I was hit between the eyes by the Holy Spirit with Henri Nouwen’s words. He said, “Our emotional lives and our spiritual lives have different dynamics. The ups and downs of our emotional life depend a great deal on our past or present surroundings. We are happy, sad, angry, bored, excited, depressed, loving, caring, hateful, or vengeful because of what happened long ago or what is happening now.

The ups and downs of our spiritual lives depend on our obedience - that is, our attentive listening - to the movements of the Spirit of God within us. Without this listening our spiritual life eventually becomes subject to the windswept waves of our emotions."

And I have been on some serious emotional waves the past few days. For me those waves are from a pituitary deficiency, and the need to get off some hormone replacement therapy in order to check some other blood levels to ensure there was no tumor involved. In other words my dark mood is very much attributable to a physiological issue, not a situational or psychological one.

So with that in mind, I would encourage anyone struggling with mood swings, depression, uncontrollable long term negative emotions to talk to your doctor. Even Christians are wrapped in a decaying flesh and there is absolutely no sense in struggling against treatable symptoms. Forget what it says about your faith, because having or not having health issues says nothing about your faith or your relationship to God. All is says is that you are human in living in a dead and dying world. All is says is that your body is doing what God said it would… returning to dust.

Beyond that we do have a choice. We have a choice about what, and who we are going to listen to. For the saved the Spirit is there with the truth. The soul struggles to please itself, to stroke its own ego, or to do what is best in following the spirit. And all the while the flesh is there is some form of mortal combat against the spirit. And so we have to not respond to the emotions, and as Henry says, listen.

I truly hope this finds its way to you by the Holy Spirit in the same way Henri Nouwen’s words have found their way to me in this incredible God ordained timing. Here again is Henri from today’s devotional. “Even though our emotional and spiritual lives are distinct, they do influence one another profoundly.  Our feelings often give us a window on our spiritual journeys…”

My emotionally entwined spiritual journey received a great big blessing and kiss from the Father this morning. My test results are in, and my very treatable symptoms not because of a tumor.

So with a big sigh of relief, a hardly thank you God, and a return to my hormone therapy -- today is a good day on the feelings front. I will take it… and enjoy it while it last.

Here’s to another day of having feelings, but not allowing them to dictate my choices.

Emotions

Exodus 23:9, “You shall not oppress a stranger, since you yourselves know the feelings of a stranger…”

Yesterday I was in a completely foul mood. No real explanation for it, just utterly irritated with everything. And so I wondered, why did God give us emotions in the first place? Are emotions part of the body, soul, spirit, or what?

I thought about animals, which unless domesticated seem emotionless. Not my dogs of course, they show sorrow when you leave, excitement when you return, but the livestock we have pretty much maintain an emotionless temperament all the time. I thought about Polar bears. Has anyone ever heard a Polar bear complain about having to swim miles because some emotion is bearing down on them? Has anyone ever heard or seen an elk complain about being in the snow or having to climb up and down mountains all day?

I thought about hormones. We all know what they can do to a woman’s emotions during “that time of the month.” But men, whether we want to admit it or not, experience similar hormone and chemical induced mood swings.

And so as I wallowed in my mood, I felt guilty for feeling foul, as if there was something I could do about it. Isn’t being a Christian supposed to make you in a good mood all the time? After all, Paul wrote in Galatians 5:22, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…” And according to Wikipedia most of these are “positive emotions.” So why didn’t I FEEL the positive emotions? Why were my feelings anger, panic, fear, guilt, envy, and greed? Are these, as Wikipedia says, “negative emotions?” Or are they sign posts to some character flaw.

Certainly my eyes and awareness were not on God. Or were they? I was talking to Him, without listening but talking none the less. Frankly was "feeling" to bad to listen. 

Maybe the good and evil that the tree of knowledge created was that of positive and negative emotions? Will we have emotions in heaven? If so, I think I am screwed. Or are they just something to challenge us in the flesh? Are they present as flashing lights of character flaw, or a lack of trust and faith in God?

Whatever the case, emotions are not something that we ever escape… or do we?

Plenty escape emotions with drugs, both legal and illegal. Alcohol escapes one emotion often trading it for another. For me I know some money spent selfishly would produce enough endorphins to at least lift the cloud at least momentarily.

In short I don’t have any revelation or answers. If anything, I only have more questions and more emotions. Makes me say WTH. They seem like a big waste of time and unnecessary when they are on the “negative” side, but I sure to enjoy them on the positive side.

Maybe that’s my problem. Still looking at them from a dualism perspective. Good vs evil, instead of all necessarily part of God’s plan.

I feel better…. 

Stories

Acts 9:5, “He said, ‘Who are You, Lord?’”

I had a wonderful conversation with my friend Paul yesterday. Among the many things we talked about he apologized for not reading my blog more. He said, “I like the stories, I just don’t like when you get preachy.” Now to some that might sound like criticism, but it was said in love and taken as such. In fact, I have heard many compliments about the “stories” which are really nothing more than real life experiences, or testimonies as evangelicals might call them. As I talked to Paul I went into the stats, and in fact most of the posts in the top 10 viewed are stories.

But as I explained to Paul, and as you see here, I don’t write for Him or you, or even me sometimes. I write what I feel like God puts on my heart to write and to my amazement I wake up and find this blog unintentionally fulfilling the great commission. Mark 16:15 Jesus said, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.” And so that is what I do. I share, sometimes in stories, sometimes in preaching the good news of knowing Christ. Sometimes I find Him in the least of people. Sometimes I find Him in His word. Sometimes I find Him in struggles or blessings or the exciting or the mundane. But here, all of these writings are a collection of just a few of the times I am acutely aware He is not only with me, but in me.

Shameless surrender in hopes that we might know Christ more. That is what this is about. Staying true to that vision. Not for me to know Christ more, not for you to know Christ more, but for US to know Christ more. I am not here to preach or tell stories. I am not here for accolades. I am not even here to explain things, reinforce doctrine, or create religion.  I am just here hoping in shameless surrender.

Oswald Chambers has some wonderful commentary on today’s passage which I took directly from Utmost for His Highest. He says, “Many people begin coming to God once they stop being religious, because there is one Master of the heart – Jesus Christ,  not religion. But ‘Woe is me’ is after seeing Him I still will not obey.

This is my act of obedience, now you go and obey Him today in whatever it is He has called you to do.

Puppies

Ecclesiastes 2: 10 & 11, “I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. He has made everything appropriate in its time…”

Funny how when you buy a puppy the last thing on your mind is cleaning up poop and pee. But that is the reality of having any new baby in the house, be it animal or human. So too is life.

Want to build a business… there’s going to be some poop to clean up.

Want to build a ministry or church… there’s going to be some poop to clean up.

Want to have a successful relationship… there’s going to be some poop to clean up.

Don’t hate the poop. The poop is just one of the many tasks given by God to the sons of men to keep them occupied. And there is unfortunately an appropriate time to clean up someone else, or something else’s poop.

The lesson… puppies and poop go hand in hand. You cannot have one without the other. Nor can you live in a world, even as a Christian without getting a little dirty. 

Just Ask

James 4:2-3, “… You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

Every feel like life is out of control? Do you feel like your health, finances, relationships, family, work, or all of the above are out of control? Have you asked God to do something about it?

This is of course a rhetorical questioned seasoned with sarcasm. Who has any aspect of life out of control and doesn’t ask God to do something about it? I laugh when people see my situation and insinuate there is another prayer I could pray, or some level of faith I have yet to obtain. It cracks me up to hear people and minsters focus on the “blessings” of God all the while ignoring the shared sufferings of Christ and the tribulations of the world. (1 Peter 4:13, John 16:33)

Herein lies the problem. When life, or any aspect of it is out of control it is because we are trying to control it in the first place. We want pleasure. We want peace. We want eternal euphoria, but what does God want? He wants us conformed to the image of Christ. (Romans 8:29) We ask for control, but God is in control. We ask for a different life, and God is asking what is wrong with the one He gave us? We ask for it to be easier, when God knows just exactly how to increase our faith, love and relationship with Him.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very guilty of not asking enough. I am guilty of sometimes chalking too much up to God and destiny and whim and life while not seeking if God would have me ask to change it. Yet at the same time I know that asking is as much about asking for a process as it is asking for a result.

I ask for God to reveal Himself to me… expecting some Moses like visitation. Instead He chooses the most uncomfortable of circumstances, and necessitates faith that it was in fact Him in the circumstance. I ask for freedom for debt… expecting to win the lottery. Instead He chooses to cause me to live under a budget taking years to undo only a few moments of spending on my own pleasure.

Oh asking is very important. God demands that we ask. It helps to keep the relationship in perspective. But sometimes, if not most of the time the answer is not in the ultimate outcome, but in the process to get there.

Here are the words of Oswald Chambers on the subject. His commentary is in relationship to Matthew 7:11 where Jesus said, “… how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! To that Oswald says, “Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct in this passage for those people who have His Spirit. He urges us to keep our minds filled with the concept of God’s control (not ours) over everything, which means that a disciple must maintain an attitude of perfect trust and an eagerness to ask and to seek.”

He goes on to say, “Fill your mind with the thought that God is there. And once your mind is truly filled with that thought, when you experience difficulties it will be as easy as breathing for you to remember, ‘My heavenly Father knows all about this!’ This will be no effort at all, but will be a natural thing for you when difficulties and uncertainties arise. Before you formed this concept of divine control so powerfully in your mind, you used to go from person to person seeking help, but now you go to God about it. Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct for those people who have His Spirit, and it works on the following principle: God is my Father, He loves me, and I will never think of anything that He will forget, so why should I worry?”

So we must ask, but we must trust God to shape and deliver the best answer. When life is out of control, it is because we have tried to wrestle it from His hands. Ask Him to take control, and hang on for the ride. Because the ride IS the answer. 

Black Sheep

Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

You need only have a few children to quickly learn that no matter how as a parent you try to raise them all the same, they are all going to miraculously turn out with a variety of talents and personality. Parents with enough children will discover that the proverbial black sheep will always occur.

I should know. As one of 2 children I certain had those black sheep characteristics. But the important thing to remember as a parent is that even if you have a black sheep child, always remember they are still a sheep none the less. Oh not in the following the pack mentality but in their potential for Christ. After all sheep know the Master’s voice, and sheep will be placed on Christ right, but the goats… their destiny is unenviable to say the least.

Proverbs tells us to ‘teach a child in the way that they should go and when they grow old they will not depart.’ At least that is the version I have memorized. This does not say they will make perfect decisions in their teens and twenties. Nor does this say they will never rebel or get in all manner of trouble. But it does say that if you give your children the foundation of the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ that they will have it as a place to return.

I know when godly men with prodigal sons. Shoot, I as a born rebel and black sheep have instilled many of those “independent” qualities into my own children. But one thing I know. They all have been trained in the way they “should” go. And though from time to time each of them wanders to explore the “world” I am confident that God’s word is true.

It is hard as a parent sometimes to trust God with the safety and security of your teen & adult children, but simultaneously it is required. Because God knows the plans He has for them. We simply remain a safe harbor for their return, we as parents need to be an encourager, and always praying that God would protect them and reveal Himself to them. That’s it. Not very pro-active, but certainly the best way to deal with the black sheep in us all, and in every family.

Having said all of this, and knowing that my children read my posts, I want them and you to know this is not birthed out of some disappointment to poor choice they have made. I am proud of all my children. To Sarah, Katherine, Hugh, Isaac, and even my step-daughter Lauren I think you all are well on your way to discovering all that God has for you in spite of any mis-steps – most of which have been mine.

So parents love your children. There is no shame in that. Be available when they come looking. Support them in their endeavors. And pray for them when there coat is darkened a little by the bad choices we are all capable of making.

For those parents who’s sheep have left to conduct life their own way… let them go. They will be back. That’s the lesson of the prodigal son, and that’s the promise of today’s scripture.

And most important of all... never give up! A black sheep is still a sheep that God has a plan for. 

That I May Know Him

Philippians 3:8-10, “… I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of ALL things, and count then but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having righteousness of my own derived from the Law… THAT I MAY KNOW HIM and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;”

This passage and the message it contains has crossed my path endlessly for nearly a week now. Just yesterday I read it in Oswald Chamber’s Utmost for His Highest. Of it Oswald says, “A saint is not to take the initiative toward self-realization, but toward knowing Christ. A spiritually vigorous saint never believes that his circumstances simply happen at random, nor does he ever think of his life as divided into the secular and the sacred. He sees every situation in which he finds himself as the means of obtaining a greater knowledge of Jesus Christ, and he has an attitude of unrestrained abandon and total surrender about him.”

I am so guilty of losing sight that life’s ONLY purpose is to know Christ. All around we are surrounded by pressures to escape life and circumstance. Even within Christian communities there are messages of better days ahead, walking in the power of God for healing or body, relationship, or finances… all part of being in relationship with God, but at what expense. Are we as Christian concerned most with  God’s power and love bringing us comfort, or are we most concerned with knowing (truly knowing) Christ?

On most days I drive a 1998 Monte Carlo to and from work. Invariably I will see someone in a $100,000 Mercedes. Why does the thought always enter that “I wish I could afford one of those?” Why does the song enter my mind, “Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?”

When I go to work, why is it that most days are about how much money can I make instead of what does today show me about Christ? Better yet, when someone sees any of my struggles why do they encourage me to have more faith, or even say that God has a better plan?

God’s plan for today is exactly what today is. It is to show me, and you, Christ in this exact circumstance. My day is not a failure because I drive a jalopy and the other person’s day is not a success because they drive a Mercedes. My day is not a success because I make more money. My day is a success when I see Christ in it. Today is successful when nothing else matters except that I was aware He is in it and interacting with me.

Read what Paul says. He counts everything, good and bad, as nothing in comparison to knowing Christ. His behavior when compared to the standard of biblical laws is immaterial in His relationship to Christ. His day was neither successful nor unsuccessful based on the absence of sin, but was a success based on his awareness of Christ. Paul found the place that happiness was only joyful when sharing Christ joy, and where suffering was also joyful when sharing Christ sufferings. “Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thy rod and Thy staff comfort me.” (Psalms 23:4)

I/we have got to stop evaluating ourselves and others based on good day and bad days, whatever that definition is to you. And we have got to evaluate ourselves based on did we encounter Christ today. Life is not about self-actualization or self-realization. Christianity is not about us becoming “better people.” In fact it is not about us or our circumstance at all. It is only about Him and do we know Him. 

Desperation

Jeremiah 17:7-10, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by the stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind…”

“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick.” What an indictment.

Here the prophet of old is quoting God as we are to be blessed if we not only trust in the Lord, but if we can be so trusting of Him that He is in fact our trust. That somehow we can not only trust Him to work everything together for good in faith, but that there is a place of blessing when we discover He is everything good, and outside of Him our trust, our hope, our desires are Him.

And yet standing in the way of this total trust is a deceitful heart. And yes we all have a heart that will try to deceive God, and that deceives even ourselves.

Life for me is in no way easy, but compared to even a year ago it has become much easier. And in that easing, comfort leads to complacency. Comfort somehow lulls the spirit into believing a deceitful heart. Oh that I would stay desperately hungry for God. That I could be honest with myself and see what God sees when He searches my heart.

Yes He loves me, and you. Yes He enjoys us, but there is also a place where He shows us our heart as He sees it, and He says once again… trust Me. Trust Me to lead you… trust Me to change you… trust Me that this is for your good.

A trust that seems to only comes sometimes from a holy desperation. A trust from knowing that “in Him we live, and move, and exist.” (Acts 17:28) And conversely without Him we do not exist, or live, or move. I welcome this holy desperation for I am desperate for Him. 

Independence Day

Galatians 5:1 , “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.”

On July 4^th America celebrates what is known as Independence Day. A day when a nation was freed from the rule of a king and which the great experiment of self-government was launched. This was the freedom that a nation fought for. Free to do and choose and live and be and own property without being confined by the whims of an individual or elite class. In England all property was owned by the King or the Royals. In America everyone was free to own property. Power was not concentrated in the federal government, but it was concentrated in the property owner themselves. People were free to do with the property what they wanted. The man was truly the king of his castle. They elected people to run cities and address the common interest of the property owners. They elected state officials to address the common issues of the cities and counties, and they elected federal officials to address the common issues of the states. The feds could not interfere with the states, the states did not interfere with the cities, and the cities did not interfere with the individual’s liberty to do with his property what he wanted. America was free for freedom’s sake on this day in 1776. It was a nation of individual first.

Likewise Christ fought a battle of independence for us. Not independence from a manmade government, but for independence from a Law of sin and death.

Rather than thinking of God as a King or political leader, think for a moment of God as a power source. Consider God as the Giver of Life. And as the Giver and Taker of life, the one Who is able to kill both body and soul in Hell (Matt 10:28), He was the enforcer of the Law of sin which is death. And it is this very law that Christ set us free from.

When Christ left the earth he left believers in the same spiritual state the baby America experienced politically. Christ left Christians with the power and ability to directly govern their own spirit. He undid the Priesthood. He removed the separation between us and God and gave us direct access to The Power of Life. The freedom Christ gave was freedom from doctrine. Freedom from the law. It was freedom from needing another contaminated human being the only access God on our behalf or to speak for God on His behalf. Christ removed the spiritual man king and set in motion forever the individual as now able to govern His own soul and spirit. Christ set us free for the sake of freedom. Sanctification ever since has never been about circumcised or non-circumcised. The freedom is not having to worry about washings or eating or not eating or wearing or not wearing. The freedom that we were set free for is that observing holidays and rituals is no longer a mark of holiness, sanctification, or salvation. Except for perhaps Baptism.

It was for FREEDOM He set us free. Let that ring in your heart today. Let that influence your life. Let that cast aside judgments of other. Let the freedom of soul and spirit that Christ came to give you allow you to allow it in others. But do not allow that same freedom to justify ungodly behavior. Do not allow that freedom to follow self and Satan thinking it is a freedom from consequences.

I heard a statistic of the ultra-high levels of belief within the prison populations of the US that there is life after death. The report was a condemnation of Christianity in that it unjustly assumed crimes were being committed for earthly pleasure, knowing there is forgiveness, and then eternal life. Peter clearly addressed this in 1 Peter 2:16, “Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God.”

Don’t be subject to the yoke of slavery again. This great country called the United States daily returns to the slavery of an elite political class at the cost of individual liberty. So too Christianity has subjected itself to the slavery of leadership and surrogates. Allow the spiritual freedom Christ gave us to go to God. Allow the freedom to follow Christ is whatever form or fashion He instructs. Allow freedom to reign in you.

God bless you, and God bless America.

Follow Me

Matthew 16:24, “The Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.”

So much of this blog has been about self-denial, aka surrender, and taking up the cross. But there is a third act that is really pressing on me and in my conversations with God. It is the act of “follow Me.”

Follow Me was not only an invitation to all of His disciples when they met Him for the first time, but it was also an answer to doctrine and a command of all Christianity.

But does following Christ necessitate the need to go into ministry? Does following Him mean we are required to go into the mission field? Can we follow Him in a normal, mundane life? If following Christ is an answer to doctrine, then is adherence to doctrine not following Jesus?

Oswald Chambers says this, “There is a vast difference between devotion to a person and devotion to principles or to a cause. Our Lord never proclaimed a cause – He proclaimed personal devotion to Himself.”

We must ask ourselves, are we devoted to a preacher or priest? Are we devoted to a denomination? Or are we devoted to Christ? Even outside of the church relationships we must ask, where is our devotion? Who are we following? Do we follow Christ as closely as we follow a sports team or entertainment personality? Do we follow Jesus or do we follow a child, or a spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend, or boss, or politician?        

Matthew quotes Jesus pretty benignly, but listen to the same quote from Luke, “If anyone come to Me and does not hate his father, and mother, wife, and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also… and whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me…” (Luke 14:26-27) This is the degree of separation that Christ wants to see in our following. He is not commanding us to hate, but saying that our willingness to follow Him should and will be so far and above any willingness to follow anyone else, including those who we love dearest. But how do we do it?

How do we follow Christ? What if I have a job and a family, how do I follow Christ? What does following Christ even look like?

What it looks like for you I have no idea. What it looks like in others that are doing it (in my opinion) is pretty clear. What it looks like for me seems pretty meager and meaningless when compared to societies definition of “following Christ, “ but it brings me much joy and peace. For that matter my following of Christ seems void of impact when I compare it to those I believe to be truly following Him like my friend Jim Spivey. Not that I envy where Christ is leading them, it is just the path Jesus is leading me on it dramatically different. And likewise your path is going to be dramatically different as well.

Be encouraged that the bulk of your prayers are silent. Enjoy that your relationship to our Savior is private. Rest in your responsibilities being mundane. Never fret that your job is ordinary. Just keep following Him, always on guard that it is Christ you are following and not a doctrine, or person, or cause. And when the path He leads you on gets difficult, have peace that He is with you, and faith that He is working all things together for good because He love you.