Not Dead Yet

2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind."

I have spent the last 7 to 10 days in a place that I would describe as complete surrender. Knowing that I have nothing to offer God, resting in His peace, knowing He loves me, and waiting for His command to obey. And in an instant to my mind comes a call to action. A compulsion of  the Lord if you will... an act of obedience.

So what do I do? I spend a couple of days mustering up the courage to actually do it. And so I stepped out in faith only to be totally rejected and shut down. Instantly fear entered. Why?

Fear entered because I had determined in my mind what the results of the obedience should be. I had a predicted an acceptable outcome. In other words, I am still alive, still trying to control. Not believing and accepting the fact that I am dead in Christ, but needing once again for the cross to come to bear on some piece of me rising up against God.

Even worse the results started a whole process in my mind of how did I miss God? Is He mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Can I hear His voice at all? Did I wait to long to act? All lies designed to keep me from boldly going to God again.

Reality is that God's commands do not come with guaranteed to even predictable results. Additionally there is a place in surrender where the results are inconsequential to the obedience. Jesus prayed for the sick in His hometown in obedience to the Father. And yet the bible says few were healed. Results are not related to obedience as the results are dictated by God's intent, not ours. At the end of the day God is too deep to explain Himself, and for us to have complete understanding is never promised.

So what has happened in this realization of the fear. Firstly, for me the fear points to a practice I must allow to die. If I continue to predict or prescribe acceptable outcomes for obeying God the disappointment will cause me to veer from the obedience. In other words, if I continue to predict the outcome of my obedience, then my failure to correctly predict runs the risk of causing me to give up on obeying.  Secondly, this fear; which is related to crisis, is designed to show me the part of me that has not shared Christ's experience on the cross. The crisis, whether financial, physical, emotional, relational, health, or any other crisis is there to show me who I perceive myself to be in Christ. And as that perception does not line up with God's it is a huge opportunity to lay myself down and pick up Christ. In this case I reject the fear as a lie, and I go back to God, knowing I obeyed and ready for His next task.

In the end, outcomes are irrelevant, obedience to the compulsion of God it the only thing necessary. T Austin-Sparks says, "The only certainty is God. An apostle may be led to move in a particular direction, and then by reason of need and opportunity he may conclude that certain (results) are the objective, but when he reaches a point (where predicted results meet real results) he will be met by a double, divine 'no' to those thoughts, and be shown something un-thought of. (Acts 16:6-10)" Simply put, obey because predicting the results will be met with a "no." But the obedience will produce something un-thought of, something wholly God.

The fear is a lie, and a telltale sign of something un-surrendered in me, something not trusting in God. It is up to me to ignore the fear, press into God in prayer, and wait from His next command. The results are God's responsibility for which I share none. So until I get it completely, I feel all too often like the boy in the picture, crying to God about not getting my way.

Sins v. Sin

Romans 6:11, "Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

I don't like to repeat what someone else has obtained by revelation, but this lesson in the difference between sins and sin is really too crucial to pass up.

I first came across the topic reading T Austin-Sparks, but the reading was a little lengthy and very heavy so I didn't spend a lot of time meditating on it. But then I picked up Watchman Nee's book "The Normal Christian Life." Nee wrote this after spending 8 months with Austin-Sparks.

Using Romans Nee and Austin-Sparks show this different between Sins - the acts or omissions of being disobedient to God v. Sin - the character trait within us that causes us to sin. The DNA of the soul that makes us all of the species Sinner. The sins, and the sin, create a dual problem for us that is solved by Christ on the cross.

Nee says, "...He only has one answer for every human need; His Son, Jesus Christ. In all His dealings with us, He works by taking us out of the way and substituting Christ in our place. The Son of God died instead of us for our forgiveness; He lives instead of us for our deliverance. So we speak of two substitutions: a substitution on the cross who secures our forgiveness and a Substitute WITHIN who secures our victory." To summarize Christ died so we would be forgiven by the blood. He lives so that we can be delivered by the cross.

When talking about the cross, it is not there for crucifixion. We are not crucified again to make reparations for ourselves. That was done. We were crucified, rather "our" cross is that place of utter weakness where we depend on no one other than God and His Son Jesus. It is here "sin" is defeated. It is here the DNA of our soul is changed from SIN to Christ. Nee says, "If we are preoccupied with the power of sin and with our inability to meet it, then we naturally conclude that to gain the victory over sin we must have more power. 'If only I were stronger,' we say, 'I could overcome my violent outbursts of temper.' and so we plead with the Lord to strengthen us that we may exercise more self-control... But this is altogether fallacy; it is not Christianity. God's means of delivering us from sin is not by making us stronger and stronger, but by making us weaker and weaker... God sets us free from the dominion of sin, not by strengthening our old man, but by crucifying him; not by helping him do anything, buy by removing him from the scene of the action."

The explanation of dying to self, of ego crucifixion, can be articulate no clearer. Or at least the necessity of it. In dying to self, we are delivered from Sin (Noun), we look more like Christ, and we become effective for the gospel. It is the place where we can truthfully say, it is no longer I that lives, but Christ. Perhaps most importantly, it is the place of being poor in spirit, it is the place where the kingdom of God becomes visible, it is the place where love becomes unconditional.

Death... a beautiful thing!

Philippians 3:10-12, "That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death... not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on that I may lay hold of (it)..."

I cannot get this scripture out of my mind, and the completeness it represents. It is perhaps a great summary of this entire blog to this point. At the same time it so richly speaks of the Christian experience, or if you prefer, the Christian experiment. Life as a Christian, with its trials and tribulation is the daily crucifixion of our egos, of everything that is not God or Christ like. Likewise, in the absence of tribulation, the very act of love requires the same self denial, the same crucifixion if you will, of our ego. After all, ego will always stand in the way of loving an enemy or any other unlovable. Therefore it must die.

This passage is encouraging. Here the apostle Paul writes the Philippians in shameless surrender to confess he has not arrived. "Not that I have already obtained" tells us that there is an infinitely long path after salvation in the direction of perfection. Knowing full well perfection will not be achieved in this lifetime. This is comforting to me. Beyond comfort, the concept is inspiring. It inspires me to lay aside judgments because the only thing important is the path, not the place on the path.

Though this passage is not explicit in the role death of self plays in entering the kingdom of God in this life, it is a confirmation none the less. Allowing self, ego, to die opens us up to experiencing the kingdom of God from the inside and on our inside. At the end of ourselves is where we begin to see with God's perspective.

One of the other great reminders this scripture provides is that if you are in Christ, then you must also share in His death. This is not a physical death, but a spiritual one. As a result when we see someone going through this process, we know it is not our responsibility to rescue. But rather our responsibility to jump in the mire with them. To help them see the end, to find the door to the other side. To walk with them through the eye of the needle into the kingdom of God. All the while listening to God and obeying His commands.

Having said all of that I must make the point that we know for certain that all tribulation is not part of dying. It could very well be a trap, or a test from Satan. One would not want to jump into Satan's trap with someone else, thus we must hear from God to know when to rescue, when to co-exists with, and when to run.

Because of the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross. There is a beauty on the other side of the death of self. It is a step closer to God. It is a greater experience of His love. It is an opening of heaven and increased communication with the Father. Because of this, and every other thing contained in "joy" death is a beautiful thing.