Death

Psalms 116:15, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones.”

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. My brother in law passing at the untimely age of 50 is instrumental to those thoughts. Then my great uncle Pete passed away this morning (11/26/12) in a very brief battle with cancer.

I didn't know Pete well. In fact, I can’t even tell you how Pete even became short for Joseph Bartholow. But for years he has been a regular fixture at the family holiday gatherings. 

Pete was a staunch liberal. I imagine a card carrying democrat that certainly probably blended in much better in Chicago or the Eastern seaboard than in Houston, Texas. And in spite of our best efforts Pete never lost that Yankee twang. 

I can’t tell you what religion he was, if any at all. Though it is absolutely true that he discovered the Truth today. As we all will when we are face to face with God and His Son.

If I were the judge of Pete’s life, which I am not, I would find him to be a good soul. In fact, I have never seen or heard of any malice in his life. I can tell you that I did see his love of my uncle John and his daughter. He appeared tolerant of polar opposite political views. And so in that I could see and observe on  a limited basis there appeared to be no grotesque character flaw, while simultaneously observing acts of love I would say, that to me… Pete was in his way godly. And therefore his passing today was precious in the sight of the Lord.

Did Pete make heaven? I have no idea. For me, had a believed what Pete seemed to believe I personally would not have expected to make heaven. But for each of us God has to reveal Himself. And it is God who is responsible for our salvation. It is God through His Holy Spirit that is responsible for convicting us, and for shaping us. It is God that has to bring us to the cross. And it is God who hast to make Christ in us.

I don’t know Pete’s eternal fate. But since he never judged me in my overwhelming difference I choose not to judge him. I choose to hope the truth, if even in the final moment, set him free. I choose to believe that God’s love is so great that He made a way for Pete even though the way He has made for me looks completely different.

God’s will be done, and God bless Uncle Pete.

And then in murmuration to this I read this from my favorite Catholic Priest Henri Nouwen. He wrote,"Our mortal bodies, flesh and bones, will return to the earth.  As the writer of Ecclesiastes says:  'Everything goes to the same place, everything comes from  the dust, everything returns to the dust' (Ecclesiastes 3:20).  Still, all that we have lived in our bodies will be honored in the resurrection, when we receive new bodies from God.

What sorts of bodies will we have in the resurrection?  Paul sees our mortal bodies as the seeds for our resurrected bodies:   'What you sow must die before it is given new life; and what you sow is not the body that is to be, but only a bare grain, of wheat I dare say, or some other kind; it is God who gives it the sort of body that he has chosen for it, and for each kind of seed its own kind of body' (1 Corinthians 15:36-38).  We will be as unique in the resurrection as we are in our mortal bodies, because God, who loves each of us in our individuality, will give us bodies in which our most unique relationship with God will gloriously shine."

The Surfboard - - A tribute to Ed Kruger

Ed's last picture 

2 Corinthians 13:4, "For indeed He was crucified because of weakness, yet He lives because of the power of God, yet we will live with Him because of the power of God directed toward you." My brother in law Ed Kruger for years has struggled with a very ugly alcohol addiction. One that left him in very fragile health. Yet even though he feel off the wagon a thousand times, time and time again I saw him battling the demon, and on occasion winning a battle. Yet in spite of this epic struggle, in spite of a separate economic ruin, Ed Kruger was foremost of all a father so very worthy of admiration. Ed loved his children as much as any man I know. He was proud of his jay-hawk daughter Sara. He went to endless measures to support his now teen age son Blake in racing, athletics, and life. And his 8 year old son was his best bud, and shadow. They often were found at the beach together fishing, or Ed teaching him to surf on pawn shop purchased surfboard. Nothing extravagant, Ed bought it for a few hundred at most. Who knows why but for whatever reason Ed liked to visit pawn shops and capture the occasional deal. This past weekend was no different than any other weekend as Ed and Blake went to Galveston for a little surfing. On the way home Ed decided to stop into a surf shop. He did that kind of thing, always stopping at some random place. Not wanting the surf board to be stolen from the back of the truck he and his boy carried it into the shop. There they met the proprietor who according to Ed was a Christian man. Somehow the gentleman told Ed his story of winning the battle of addiction, and somewhere in the conversation he asked Ed if he knew what kind of surfboard he had. Ed had no idea, but the surf shop owner did. The surfboard was a very rare board. In fact may from a wood that is banned from competition. And apparently the board is worth perhaps tens of thousands of dollars. Later the man's wife came out and said that Ed looked like a buoy to her. "A buoy?" Ed asked. Apparently to this woman Ed looked like a man without direction. Almost lost a sea looking for something. When I heard this story on Sunday I first thought how awesome is God to reach out to Ed with His love like that. The admiration was quickly replaced with jealousy over the blessing. The jealousy was obliterated today with grief as my brother in law died from a heart attack this afternoon. The text arrived from my mom. It said, "pray." As I prayed, asking God to spare his life, begging God to spare his life the Holy Spirit said to me many times, "He lives." I cried so hard because I knew He was saying, "He lives with Me." It's not fare. It hurts like hell. Anger, sadness, fear, hurt flood my soul and the souls of his family. There are three children tonight hurting far more than me. But Ed Kruger lives... not because Ed overcame his weakness, but because Christ did. Tonight he lives... tonight and every night from here on with Christ. To Christ Ed is that very rare, priceless surfboard. And like the collector Christ has decided there will be no more surfing the world for Ed. Oh know Christ has brought him home to a place of honor. God bless you Ed. We love you, and are going to miss you.

Not Dead Yet

2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of sound mind."

I have spent the last 7 to 10 days in a place that I would describe as complete surrender. Knowing that I have nothing to offer God, resting in His peace, knowing He loves me, and waiting for His command to obey. And in an instant to my mind comes a call to action. A compulsion of  the Lord if you will... an act of obedience.

So what do I do? I spend a couple of days mustering up the courage to actually do it. And so I stepped out in faith only to be totally rejected and shut down. Instantly fear entered. Why?

Fear entered because I had determined in my mind what the results of the obedience should be. I had a predicted an acceptable outcome. In other words, I am still alive, still trying to control. Not believing and accepting the fact that I am dead in Christ, but needing once again for the cross to come to bear on some piece of me rising up against God.

Even worse the results started a whole process in my mind of how did I miss God? Is He mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Can I hear His voice at all? Did I wait to long to act? All lies designed to keep me from boldly going to God again.

Reality is that God's commands do not come with guaranteed to even predictable results. Additionally there is a place in surrender where the results are inconsequential to the obedience. Jesus prayed for the sick in His hometown in obedience to the Father. And yet the bible says few were healed. Results are not related to obedience as the results are dictated by God's intent, not ours. At the end of the day God is too deep to explain Himself, and for us to have complete understanding is never promised.

So what has happened in this realization of the fear. Firstly, for me the fear points to a practice I must allow to die. If I continue to predict or prescribe acceptable outcomes for obeying God the disappointment will cause me to veer from the obedience. In other words, if I continue to predict the outcome of my obedience, then my failure to correctly predict runs the risk of causing me to give up on obeying.  Secondly, this fear; which is related to crisis, is designed to show me the part of me that has not shared Christ's experience on the cross. The crisis, whether financial, physical, emotional, relational, health, or any other crisis is there to show me who I perceive myself to be in Christ. And as that perception does not line up with God's it is a huge opportunity to lay myself down and pick up Christ. In this case I reject the fear as a lie, and I go back to God, knowing I obeyed and ready for His next task.

In the end, outcomes are irrelevant, obedience to the compulsion of God it the only thing necessary. T Austin-Sparks says, "The only certainty is God. An apostle may be led to move in a particular direction, and then by reason of need and opportunity he may conclude that certain (results) are the objective, but when he reaches a point (where predicted results meet real results) he will be met by a double, divine 'no' to those thoughts, and be shown something un-thought of. (Acts 16:6-10)" Simply put, obey because predicting the results will be met with a "no." But the obedience will produce something un-thought of, something wholly God.

The fear is a lie, and a telltale sign of something un-surrendered in me, something not trusting in God. It is up to me to ignore the fear, press into God in prayer, and wait from His next command. The results are God's responsibility for which I share none. So until I get it completely, I feel all too often like the boy in the picture, crying to God about not getting my way.

Reckoning by Nee

Romans 6:11, "Even so consider (reckon) yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

In Chapter 4 of Normal Christian Life Watchman Nee moves from knowing to reckoning. Reckoning being an older term and closely related to it's modern term of reconciliation. To reckon is to account, in an almost mathematical way, for the truth with its application. In examples Nee shows us how the word of God, how knowledge, is reckoned with reality. It goes without saying that the spiritual can only be reckoned with the natural by faith, but let's take a look deeper into the chapter.

As we learn that we were crucified with Christ, that we are already dead, the every real presence of sin creates a conflict between reality and spirituality. If we are dead to Sin then surely being dead with Christ in His crucifixion would manifest in a cleaner life. "Yes there is an outworking of the death which we are going to see presently - but this, first of all, its basis: I have been crucified; in Christ it has been done."

"What then is the secret of reckoning? To put it in one word, it is revelation. We need revelation from God Himself (Matt. 16:17, Eph. 1:17-18). We need to have our eyes opened to the fact of our union with Christ, and that is something more than knowing it as a doctrine."

God says "we are to reckon ourselves dead. Because we are dead." When someone reckons or reconciles a checkbook a $10 deposit is $10 and not fifteen. A $5 check is $5 and not $4. The balance of the checkbook is indisputable once reckoned, or reconciled. Therefore if God says we are dead, then we are dead. If we do not see that, then it is because of a lack of revelation or sight. Nee poses the question, "Are we going to believe the tangible facts of the natural realm which are clearly before our eyes, or the intangible facts of the spiritual realm which are neither seen nor scientifically proved?"

Better yet, where do tangible facts intersect intangible facts. Nee demonstrates that when it comes to Sin (as a nature of man) is dealt with by God indirectly as opposed to the sins which are directly covered by the blood of Christ. Nee says, "(God) does not remove the sin, but the sinner. Our old man was crucified with Him, and because of this the body, which before had been a vehicle of sin is unemployed (Rom. 6:6). Sin, the old master, is still about, but the slave who served him has been put to death, and so is out of reach and his members are unemployed... The expressions 'freed from sin' and 'dead unto sin' in Romans 6:7 ans 11 imply deliverance from a power that is still very present and very real - not from something that no longer exists."

So we are saved and sins are forgiven. We are declared to be dead to sin and yet we stumble and bumble through life, falling to sin if not daily, regularly. We now know that this is because the death was to us, terminating the "slavery" to sin. The death was not to Sin itself. The death was to the Sinner, while sins are covered, and Sin continues to exists. So how to we use this knowledge to not only understand, but to truly overcome Sin to a greater degree, and overcome guilt to the degree we cannot overcome Sin? This applied knowledge is done by faith. "Faith make the real things to become real in my experience." Faith is the assurance God's word is true. And it is this assurance that Satan is constantly attacking.

"The Enemy asked, "Where is God's promise? Where is your faith? What about your prayers? So I was tempted to thrash the whole matter our in prayer again, but was rebuked...


So I declared to the Enemy, "This sleeplessness is a lie, this headache is a lie, this fever is a lie, this high pulse is a lie. In view of what God has said to me, all these symptoms of sickness are just your lies, and God's word is truth.'"

Nee correctly observes, "that (Satan's) attack is always upon our assurance. If he can get us to doubt God's Word, then his object is secured, and he has us in his power... All temptation is primarily to look within, to take our eyes off the Lord and to take account of appearances. Faith is always meeting a mountain, a mountain of evidence that seems to contradict God's Word, a mountain of apparent contradiction in the realm of tangible fact - of failures in deed, as well as in the realm of feeling and suggestion. Either faith or the mountain has to go; they cannot both stand."

So we gain some knowledge... God call's us dead with Christ. We, by faith, begin to reject the lies of Sin and its attempt to re-enslave. Step by step we begin to walk in the truth. Those steps in faith will lead to the experience of "entering into His history and His experience." Crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension are not events or things. They are "related to a Person... Every true spiritual experience means that we have discovered a certain fact in Christ (shared experience) and have entered into that...

So God's basic principle in leading us on experimentally is not to give us something. It is not to bring us through something, and as a result to put something into us which we can call 'our experience.'" But it is not our experience at all. It is really a sharing in an experience that Christ has already had that we might know Him more. "The history of Christ becomes our experience and our spiritual history; we do not have a separate history from His. The entire work with respect to us is not done in us here, but in Christ."

So it comes to learning (knowing) after being salted with faith which leads to the experience. This knowing and application of faith is Jesus' command to, "Abide in me..." The experience is Jesus in return fulfilling "...and I in you." Nee cautions, "We need to guard against being over-anxious about the subjective side of things, and so becoming turned in upon ourselves. We need to dwell upon the objective - 'abide in Me' - and let God take care of the subjective... We do not try to produce fruit or concentrate upon the fruit produced. Our business is to look away to Him. As we do so He undertakes to fulfill His Word in us...


How do we abide? 'Of God are ye in Christ Jesus.' It was the work of God to put you there, and He has done it. Now stay there! Do not be moved back on to your own ground. Never look at yourself as though you were not in Christ. Look at Christ, and see yourself in Him. Abide in Him. Rest in the fact that God has put you in His Son, and live in the expectation that He will complete His work in you."

Does it hurt?

Matthew 10:35, "For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law."

Have you ever wondered if it hurts for a caterpillar to turn into a butterfly. I have a sneaking suspicion it does. Yesterday I heard one of the saddest stories of my lifetime as a son and as a Christian. It was to me the embodiment of today's passage.

I heard the story of a man who grew up in Indonesia as the son of an American missionary. As a teen he moved to US where his dad became a Pastor in one of the meccas of his denomination. Somewhere along the line something went tragically wrong. His dad went through an unknown crisis. The result was divorcing his wife of 20+ years, abandoning his family to return to Indonesia where he converted to Islam. On the other side of the relationship it appears his mother went the exact opposite with her life. She buried herself deeper in the doctrine of her denomination. She has become dogmatic to the point of alienating this one son. What a struggle this has created from my new friend.

It's one thing to have faith around those who love you. To go to church on a Sunday and share some common beliefs. It is a whole other thing to have faith in the absence of the same. Can you imagine having a father who taught you everything he knows with conviction, to suddenly forsake that conviction is such a dramatic way? Can you imagine having that while simultaneously having a mother reject you because you are not Christian enough?

This is cruelty beyond comprehension until you get a taste of this man's heart discovery. I almost asked him to give me something he had written. It was a beautiful account of the internal struggle. The struggle to turn the other check, and to love in spirit in the midst of such a surreal conflict. It is a transformation that I got to see in part today. It was like looking into the cocoon and seeing the butterfly before it's complete. I thank everyone involved for allowing me to be a part.

If you are thinking Stockholm Syndrome at this point then we are not thinking alike. I am thinking "I came to set man against father." Here is a man living that scripture and seeing the "I" in it. He is deep in the arms of the "I am" because of it. It hurts, it's trans-formative, but it is also beautiful.

"A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Isaiah 53:3 Of which Oswald Chambers says,"We are not acquainted with grief in the way in which Our Lord was acquainted with it; we endure it, we get through it, but we do not become intimate with it." My friend above, like Christ has become very intimate with it. 

Death... a beautiful thing!

Philippians 3:10-12, "That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death... not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on that I may lay hold of (it)..."

I cannot get this scripture out of my mind, and the completeness it represents. It is perhaps a great summary of this entire blog to this point. At the same time it so richly speaks of the Christian experience, or if you prefer, the Christian experiment. Life as a Christian, with its trials and tribulation is the daily crucifixion of our egos, of everything that is not God or Christ like. Likewise, in the absence of tribulation, the very act of love requires the same self denial, the same crucifixion if you will, of our ego. After all, ego will always stand in the way of loving an enemy or any other unlovable. Therefore it must die.

This passage is encouraging. Here the apostle Paul writes the Philippians in shameless surrender to confess he has not arrived. "Not that I have already obtained" tells us that there is an infinitely long path after salvation in the direction of perfection. Knowing full well perfection will not be achieved in this lifetime. This is comforting to me. Beyond comfort, the concept is inspiring. It inspires me to lay aside judgments because the only thing important is the path, not the place on the path.

Though this passage is not explicit in the role death of self plays in entering the kingdom of God in this life, it is a confirmation none the less. Allowing self, ego, to die opens us up to experiencing the kingdom of God from the inside and on our inside. At the end of ourselves is where we begin to see with God's perspective.

One of the other great reminders this scripture provides is that if you are in Christ, then you must also share in His death. This is not a physical death, but a spiritual one. As a result when we see someone going through this process, we know it is not our responsibility to rescue. But rather our responsibility to jump in the mire with them. To help them see the end, to find the door to the other side. To walk with them through the eye of the needle into the kingdom of God. All the while listening to God and obeying His commands.

Having said all of that I must make the point that we know for certain that all tribulation is not part of dying. It could very well be a trap, or a test from Satan. One would not want to jump into Satan's trap with someone else, thus we must hear from God to know when to rescue, when to co-exists with, and when to run.

Because of the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross. There is a beauty on the other side of the death of self. It is a step closer to God. It is a greater experience of His love. It is an opening of heaven and increased communication with the Father. Because of this, and every other thing contained in "joy" death is a beautiful thing.