Increase my faith

Luke 17:5, "The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!'"

Based on the feedback my blog has apparently done it's job and conveyed quite well the spiritual struggle that I am in... to discover God as Provider and Provision. I compared my experience to Abraham taking Isaac to be sacrificed. But I am certainly no Abraham. And this is sad to me. The saddest thing to me is that I believed Abraham took Isaac to the alter expecting God to provide, but willing to kill his own son if God did not provide an alternative sacrifice. Abraham raised the knife on his own son. I am not even close to being in that place of faith. I say with my lips that my house is on the altar, and the equity it represents, but if I am honest my heart is far from it. I march this march purely in obedience, in the hope (not faith) that God is true to His word.  - - even as I write this God just shared with me an incredible revelation. Abraham did not have the faith for God to provide until the very point he raised the knife in obedience. All the talk to Isaac that God is Jehovah Jira was lip service. God knows our heart, He has no need to “test” our faith. He knows our exact level of faith. He was not testing Abraham’s faith. He was increasing it.That increase came at the point he raised the knife. Think about it. God could have provided the lamb at any point, but waited until the last second increasing Abraham's faith.

Likewise God is not testing my faith, patience, perseverance, self control... He is increasing them all. Or at least that's the hope.

The apostles asked to have their faith increased. Jesus explains the results of faith and goes into a parable about how the slave comes in from the field not to sit down and eat, but to get cleaned up and serve the master only to eat afterwards. He answers their request for increased faith with, "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.'" The apostles say, increase our faith. Jesus says then obey me and be humble when the results come. If faith is the meal at the end of the day, then it comes after exhaustion of everything we are. At the end of us faith moves.

What does all this look like in the real world? I have no idea. It could be me continuing to grind out a living in the mortgage business. It could be God telling me next week to get a job. It could be a winning lottery ticket. It could be a call to preach and a love offering that meets my needs. It could be someone wanting one of my books. It could be anything. But regardless, I have to be obedient to what I fell God is communicating to me. Not only communicating, but confirming. That obedience is a death experience. Something inside me does not want to obey, and that something must die, it must be brought into submission so that I can obey.

In the midst of it all is support from my trusted friends. They laugh hysterically at me. They have been through this very thing. They laugh because they know how good it is on the other side. I ask, how do I get there? They say, universally... keep going. The only thing to do is keep going.

At this point I wish Donald would put "Live what I believe" on  You Tube, but he has not, so enjoy this selection.

Doing Nothing

Psalms 46:10, "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."   

I agonize some days with the lack of "work." All exasperated by the lack of cash. After all, if I had all the cash in the world I would not complain one bit about having "nothing" to do. And so I go to God in prayer... a lot of prayer. And ask Him... what do I do? Here I am... open to You... Your minister... what do I do? Then in the still small voice, in the wind I hear that same word over and over again. "Nothing"

Could this be the sum total of the ministry God has for me to do? A tiny little blog? So I reach out... volunteering to preach, volunteering to council, to coach, to consult and I get back nothing. No prayer request, no invitations to preach, no one even wanting to meet for coffee. Crazy, isn't it?

Sure is... it is the sanity of insanity. It is 1 Corinthians 3:19 come to life. "For the wisdom of the world is foolishness with God."

Believe me, I think it is crazy, And then God confirms His word to me. This time again through T Austin-Sparks.

The Meaning of Christian Service

by T. Austin-Sparks

What is Christian service according to the mind of God?

It is not our having a very full program of Christian activities - not necessarily.

It is not that we are always busy in what we call "the things of the Lord."

It is not the measure and amount of our activity and busyness - the degree of our perspiration and enthusiasm in the Kingdom of God.

It is not our schemes - our enterprises - for the Lord.

Beloved, the test of all service is this: its motive. Is the motive, from start to finish, that in all things HE may have the preeminence - that Christ may be all in all?

You know the temptations and the fascination of Christian service - the fascination of being busy... being occupied with many things... having your programs, schemes, enterprises... being in it and always at it. There is a peril there, and that peril has caught multitudes of the Lord's servants: it is its bringing them into prominence. It has made the work theirs - it is their work - it is their interests; and they are the more pleased the more they govern the thing and run the thing.

No, there is a difference between going the round of the clock in Christian service as the mere enjoyment of activity and of the fascination of it, and of all the advantages and facilities it provides for ourselves - our flesh and its gratification - there is a great difference between that and this: "Christ is all and in all."

Sometimes that end is achieved by our being put out of action, and that is the test as to whether we are quite satisfied to be altogether put out of the work if only the Lord can be more glorified by our being out. If only He can come into His own, it does not matter a scrap whether we are seen or heard. In the grace of God it is somewhere to get when you are quite content to be put in a corner, to be taken no notice of, not to be seen... if thereby the Lord Jesus can come into His own more speedily and fully.

Somehow we have got caught up into this thing, and we think the Lord Jesus can come into His own only if we are the instrument. The rivalries - platform rivalries, pulpit rivalries - sensitiveness because one is put before another, because one address is given more attention than another - the favorable remarks all given in one direction, etc., etc. - I know all about it.

After all, what were you after? Winning your audience or winning your sermon... or winning your Lord? A great difference!

Sometimes the Lord gets more out of our bad times than we think; and sometimes we have our good times, and He has not got the most. Therein is the necessity for our being set aside, our being kept weak and humble: that He might have the preeminence.

The explanation of service according to God's thought is just this: what are you doing it for? Do you want to be in the work - to take up the work - to be busy? Or is it utterly and only if by any means He may come into His own? That God's end may be realized? And if it means that He can be "all and in all" by our death as well as by our life, have we come to the place where we can say, "That Christ may be magnified in this mortal body, whether by life or by death"?

That is the explanation of service from God's standpoint.

Alone

Matthew 14:23, "After He sent the crowds away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray; and when it was evening, He was there alone."

On the way to church this morning this was the passage on my brain. Then I get there to hear a great message from Lance Price about relationship and communication with God.

For me there is hardly a better place to experience this relationship and communication than in that alone place. I find it funny that I enjoy my alone time so much having been codependent for many of my years, unable to cope with my own thoughts in any place of solitary. But today, I not only cope, but relish that time.

Life is so busy, it is hard to shut it all down. To 100% focus on God. For me it can take hours to "wind down" and quiet my mind to the place that I actually listen to and for Him. Rather it usually starts with my mind swirling, problems playing out, thoughts bouncing all over the place. Eventually I will transition to turning those thoughts into prayers. Rather than plot my rescue for the problem I will eventually turn it over to God and ask Him to fix it. I will begin to ask in prayer what God's thoughts are compared to my thoughts. An hour or 2 later I am usually at the place that the real prayer can actually begin.

That place is where I can look into the back of my eyelids and see the blackness. Staring at the blackness my mind quiets. Then when the mind is quiet, and all I see is the blackness... then I can ask, "Where are You?" Where are you God in this blackness? What is Your will? Speak to me. Show me your heart? I'm there all alone, in the darkness of my mind reaching out to the God of the Universe. And He has never failed me or not show up. In that place I see truth. I see that nothing else matters except Him. Oh to live in that place.

I heard the following song for the first time this morning in church. The words are so powerful. They are the cry of my heart today.

Looking back can be dangerous

Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."

I had every intention of not posting today as I thought that I had nothing to say. The past 24 hours has been a lot of wallowing in self pity. Not on the outside, but certainly on the inside.

Yesterday I took my son to the beach. We had an awesome time. He rode the boogie board, the skim board, did a little fishing, dug a hole... was just a boy. It was nice too because my brother-in-law was there along with my nephew. But the whole ride there my son talked, which is very usual. He asked me where to catch all manner of fish. He shared is most recent snow ski trip with his mom and her family. All good stuff, but it all was eating at me. It was making me sad that there was once a day when I could have shown him the world and more. When a ten thousand dollar vacation was literally nothing. I didn't want to talk about catching wahoo, I wanted to take him to catch one.

At the beach my brother-in-law unintentionally added to my sense of inadequacy by occasionally mentioning the beach house I once had. Which made me think of the boats I had, and all the awesome things I used to do. Like fishing offshore almost every weekend of the summer. I really missed being unhindered by money, and more I felt inadequate that I could not give my 7 year old son those experiences. So I used all of this to justify complaints in my spirit. To say to God, look! Look at me, at what I've lost. Look at my suffering because I no longer have a platinum American Express. Why me and not them?

And then I get smacked in the head this morning with a lesson on gratitude. Crazy, but God demands gratitude in all circumstances. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6:8, "If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content." And I have so much more than that to be grateful for... wonderful kids, the most incredible wife, family that loves me and who I love. Sure there are no boats or vacation homes. But there remains plenty of good times to share and things to be grateful for. For that matter there remain many victories in the past where God showed up and did incredible things. If I'm going to look back, that is what I should be looking at.

After all, even David looked back. Before defeating Goliath David looked back and reminded himself that God was with him when he killed a lion and a bear. At Ziglag he looked back and reminded himself of the other victories God had brought. So even though looking back can be dangerous, it can also be inspiring. I think will spend some time looking back at what God has done, and not what has been lost.

The really stupid part is that if I had not bought boats, beach houses, $10K vacations and used my Platinum Amex like a drunken sailor I would be just fine today. 

Does it hurt?

Matthew 10:35, "For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law."

Have you ever wondered if it hurts for a caterpillar to turn into a butterfly. I have a sneaking suspicion it does. Yesterday I heard one of the saddest stories of my lifetime as a son and as a Christian. It was to me the embodiment of today's passage.

I heard the story of a man who grew up in Indonesia as the son of an American missionary. As a teen he moved to US where his dad became a Pastor in one of the meccas of his denomination. Somewhere along the line something went tragically wrong. His dad went through an unknown crisis. The result was divorcing his wife of 20+ years, abandoning his family to return to Indonesia where he converted to Islam. On the other side of the relationship it appears his mother went the exact opposite with her life. She buried herself deeper in the doctrine of her denomination. She has become dogmatic to the point of alienating this one son. What a struggle this has created from my new friend.

It's one thing to have faith around those who love you. To go to church on a Sunday and share some common beliefs. It is a whole other thing to have faith in the absence of the same. Can you imagine having a father who taught you everything he knows with conviction, to suddenly forsake that conviction is such a dramatic way? Can you imagine having that while simultaneously having a mother reject you because you are not Christian enough?

This is cruelty beyond comprehension until you get a taste of this man's heart discovery. I almost asked him to give me something he had written. It was a beautiful account of the internal struggle. The struggle to turn the other check, and to love in spirit in the midst of such a surreal conflict. It is a transformation that I got to see in part today. It was like looking into the cocoon and seeing the butterfly before it's complete. I thank everyone involved for allowing me to be a part.

If you are thinking Stockholm Syndrome at this point then we are not thinking alike. I am thinking "I came to set man against father." Here is a man living that scripture and seeing the "I" in it. He is deep in the arms of the "I am" because of it. It hurts, it's trans-formative, but it is also beautiful.

"A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Isaiah 53:3 Of which Oswald Chambers says,"We are not acquainted with grief in the way in which Our Lord was acquainted with it; we endure it, we get through it, but we do not become intimate with it." My friend above, like Christ has become very intimate with it. 

Stuck

Romans 7:15, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am practicing what I would like to do, but I am going the very thing I hate."

I have this little group I attend on Wednesday that is called Love Machine. Given the eclectic collection of people that come to it, opportunity abounds to find someone completely offensive. I guess that's what makes it a love machine in that you are  going to be forced to love someone you can't stand. Not to mention that it is a complete test of everything I write. For example the lesson on what is wrong with the picture is me. And my judgments of others are really judgments of myself.

Look, doesn't God understand that I didn't go there to find out about myself. I went to be some great spiritual force for good and to lead someone closer to Christ because Him and I are best buds. He has such the sense of humor. I believe there were 14 people there. I like 3 of them. The other 11, well they offend me to the core. So instead of looking inside, and instead of trying to get a kingdom perspective of the other group members, I sized them up.

This guy is an arrogant contrarian, that guy is trying to be in charge, that guy just wants to be God voice for the group, that lady is going to be a victim her whole life, that gal got over her issues by building a wall behind another issue. On and on, I go around the room judging, and worse falling into that judgment. One poor gal was questioning why a minister would not, and I chimed in with, if you felt so strongly about it, you should have... It was intended to shut her down, and accomplished it's goal. But that is not God's goal. God's goal is for there to be an environment of openness, and expression of fears and frailties so that love can come through. So that iron can sharpen iron, and we who have been through muck, can go and be with those who are still in the muck and vice versa.

I wanted to be a 4x4 pulling people from the mud. Instead I discovered that I am very much still stuck in it myself. That was not a light I was shinning on those folks. It was a mirror looking into my soul to see that their issues were not their issues at all, but mine.   Fortunately though I still care about what God thinks. Fortunately I continue on the path, even though today I stumbled in my thoughts and deeds. Next week the opportunity will be there again and perhaps this time I can go in looking to see everyone from God's perspective instead of my own. Then perhaps with that perspective I can see what is lovable, and how that love is best given.

In the meantime... love is a battlefield. A battlefield in my mind, heart, and spirit. Jim... this one is for you.

Death... a beautiful thing!

Philippians 3:10-12, "That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death... not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on that I may lay hold of (it)..."

I cannot get this scripture out of my mind, and the completeness it represents. It is perhaps a great summary of this entire blog to this point. At the same time it so richly speaks of the Christian experience, or if you prefer, the Christian experiment. Life as a Christian, with its trials and tribulation is the daily crucifixion of our egos, of everything that is not God or Christ like. Likewise, in the absence of tribulation, the very act of love requires the same self denial, the same crucifixion if you will, of our ego. After all, ego will always stand in the way of loving an enemy or any other unlovable. Therefore it must die.

This passage is encouraging. Here the apostle Paul writes the Philippians in shameless surrender to confess he has not arrived. "Not that I have already obtained" tells us that there is an infinitely long path after salvation in the direction of perfection. Knowing full well perfection will not be achieved in this lifetime. This is comforting to me. Beyond comfort, the concept is inspiring. It inspires me to lay aside judgments because the only thing important is the path, not the place on the path.

Though this passage is not explicit in the role death of self plays in entering the kingdom of God in this life, it is a confirmation none the less. Allowing self, ego, to die opens us up to experiencing the kingdom of God from the inside and on our inside. At the end of ourselves is where we begin to see with God's perspective.

One of the other great reminders this scripture provides is that if you are in Christ, then you must also share in His death. This is not a physical death, but a spiritual one. As a result when we see someone going through this process, we know it is not our responsibility to rescue. But rather our responsibility to jump in the mire with them. To help them see the end, to find the door to the other side. To walk with them through the eye of the needle into the kingdom of God. All the while listening to God and obeying His commands.

Having said all of that I must make the point that we know for certain that all tribulation is not part of dying. It could very well be a trap, or a test from Satan. One would not want to jump into Satan's trap with someone else, thus we must hear from God to know when to rescue, when to co-exists with, and when to run.

Because of the joy set before Him, Christ endured the cross. There is a beauty on the other side of the death of self. It is a step closer to God. It is a greater experience of His love. It is an opening of heaven and increased communication with the Father. Because of this, and every other thing contained in "joy" death is a beautiful thing.

Kingdom Observation

Matthew 11:7-9, "...Jesus began to speak to the crowds about John, 'What did you go out into the wilderness and see? A reed shaken by the wind? But what did you go out and see? A man dressed in soft clothing?... But what did you go out to see? A prophet?..."

Recently my parents were given a house full of furniture in lieu of rent. From the picture, and at a distance everything looked really nice. Upon closer inspection; in the arms of us movers, and under the scrutiny of sweat, it was not as nice as seen from the pictures.

In comes the Holy Spirit and we all hear something very similar in our spirits... What is wrong with this picture?

For my mom the furniture was representative of the worldly principle of looking good on the outside, but that close inspection reveals a different more damaged perspective. Guess you could call it a lesson that things are not always as they appear.

For me I thought, wow these people took some stuff that was average and made it look spectacular. They made the most of the gift God had given them. On top of that had no physical attachment to it, but were rather people of honor trying to fulfill their obligation anyway possible.

I asked God why the different perspectives between two people who love you? What can be observed from inside the kingdom of God? Not just the outside hearing the Holy Spirit saying something is wrong. The answer I got was surprising.

When you are observing from inside the kingdom of God the only thing wrong with the picture is you. Everything else is perfect.

How many times has the Holy Spirit asked you, what is wrong with this picture? How many times have you assumed you knew what was wrong? How many times have you thought the answer was you? I am not a psychologists, but I know that contained in our judgements of others is always a judgment of ourselves. This thought gives new meaning to judge not lest you be judged. It is our judgments that judge ourselves. Said another way, our judgements are about ourselves, we only broadcast them onto others.

The people of Jesus' time went to the wilderness expecting to see one thing, and they got John the Baptist. So to we go to the kingdom of God in prayer, expecting to see one thing. Expecting have our will imposed on the earth. Expecting to see what is wrong with everyone and everything else. But what we get is God's perfection while our expectations (judgments) only reveal our own weaknesses and flaws.

I saw something in the people's giving up the furniture not present in myself, a godly trait I don't have. I saw people willing to let go. Others may see something that is present. Regardless, remember that in the kingdom of God we are the problem. We are the ones with the logs in our own eyes. From that perspective we are more inclined to judge correctly.

Father's Day 2011

Romans 8:15, "For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"

How could I let a Father's Day pass without giving honor to my Dad. It seems that the older I get the more I realize any and all of my negative judgments of him growing up were really just my own frailties and faults being magnified. Reality is God gave me one of the absolute best examples of Himself. Oh my Dad is not perfect, but God knew he was perfect for me. I truly am blessed!

Father's Day also stirs some other thoughts. Thoughts of hurting for those who had horrible fathers, or no fathers at all. I think of Mr Unlovable and the hundreds of men I have met in my few trips to prison to minister. I think about some of the characters on TV, all complaining and blaming there fathers. One lady I met recently said, "maybe I can't understand the love of God because my Dad was so bad." So for those with crappy fathers I say, God has many more loving fathers for you in this lifetime.

One other major thought today is about my children. I sincerely pray that I somehow honor my Dad the way that my children bring me honor. When I think of Hugh, Sarah, & Katherine (adult children) I give a fist pump and say YES!!!! The plan is coming together and they are my legacy. For Isaac, well he's a little young yet, but with God's help he is going to turn out great as well. And don't let me forget Lauren (Jamie's Daughter). Our relationship is daily evolving into something completely beautiful.

I think of the Fathers how have gone on before us. Thank you Lord that this world is temporary. That beyond is something eternal. Somewhere we will get to be with our Fathers and THE FATHER forever.

Finally to The Father. Daddy, we love you so much. You are magnificent. Your wisdom is beyond comprehension. Thank you... thank you for loving us. Everyday is your Father's Day.

Kingdom Eyes

2 Timothy 2:7, "Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything."

Most Christians of all denominations and faith acknowledge the Holy Spirit to one degree or another. They accept that He is our helper and guide, and know that sometimes our thoughts are not our own, but placed there by the Holy Spirit. This gives us a counter voice to the voice of the world. What I would propose is that if the Holy Spirit is our facilitator to hearing God, then the kingdom of God is our facilitator to seeing.

Sounds a bit like herasy, but follow me on this one. God is light. Light is energy and mass. God is, and His light emits from Him. Where that light goes is His kingdom. The Holy Spirit operates not only in the kingdom, but beyond it's borders to call people out of the darkness. Darkness is the absense of light, and thus to be outside the kingdom of God. With me so far?

Now scripture can be read with the help of the Holy Spirit. Take for example the parable of the talents. The master gives the slaves talents (6000 days wages) expecting them to invest the money. Upon the master's return he comes to collect. The ones who grew the talents were rewarded. The ones who did nothing had it taken away. With the Holy Spirit we know talents are not just money. With the Holy Spirit we know that the master is the Master, namely Jesus Christ. Now let's open our eyes. Let's look at the scripture from inside the kingdom.

Inside the kingdom we know everything is spiritual. Therefore we know that the talents are nothing earthly. The talent may be mercy, patience, giving, comforting, understanding... anything that is a character of God, or anything that God can imagine. It is not money, education, intellect. For me, God has said my talent is shameless surrender. Therefore it is my obligation, under the kingdom principle to not only use that talent, but use it in such a way that it grows. That others learn or recognize it in themselves.

Don't believe me? Look at Matthew 19:24. Jesus says, "Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Again, with kingdom Eyes... where is the rich man going? To the kingdom of God... not a place in the future, but a place here and now. A place that fills us as we enter. And again because the kingdom of God is spiritual we know that a rich person is not only monetary wealth. Riches are anything in abundance that we rely on more than God. Again it can be intellect, education, training... anything. You see the eye of a needle was a physical place. It was in the gate of a khan at Nazareth. It was intended for foot traffic, but for a camel to go through it must be unpacked of its load.  So too a man that relies on the earthy treasures must be unpacked before entering and understanding this kingdom of God principle. The more education you have, the harder it is to unpack. The more money you have the harder it is to unpack.Once on the other side the camel maybe reloaded. God may have us pick up and use the natural talents and gifts, but only after them being laid down. Just like Abraham laid down Isaac.

I have a lot of financial training. I am in a financial crisis because God is helping me unpack all that physical training and education so that I can enter through the eye of the needle into the kingdom of God where I will see and understand Him as my Provider and Provision.

I will close with something from my sight coach Jim Spivey, "What I “see,” thanks to Him, I can sometimes have a hard time convincing other people of, because it is not readily “apparent.”  The only “place” from which I will desperately struggle to do so is the place that has lost touch with His vision.  Clear and in direct contact, there is no drama, for the answer He gave one, He gave all, and it is not my job to manipulate, force, or control access.  It is my job to simply point to the door and invite entry."

Trials - Expect Them

Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

If I am truly to be a "minister" then one of the functions that I should be good at is articulating spiritual truths so that they can have practical application to life. Yet when I delve into the subject of the kingdom of God I find that my understanding is far deeper than my ability to articulate. Therefore it becomes very refreshing when I find a predecessor who has said the very thing I find indescribable.

Once again T Austin-Sparks has the words I am looking for. He said, "Paralysis, defeat, disaster have always been consequent upon judgment after the sight of the eyes (the eyes of the natural senses). Victory has always issued sooner or later from someone's assurance of and discernment of the Divine resources and realities behind all else. " In other words, when negative happens it is because we have looked at the situation from natural laws and observations. But when the results are victory, or a pleasing outcome then we have acted spiritual or divine laws and observation.

Circumstances can be identical but the perception is what is important. It was not because the Israelites were looking at their circumstances in the flesh that they became surrounded and trapped by a sea, mountains, and an army. The entrapment was going to happen regardless. It was their lack of spiritual vision that caused them to panic and fear and not see the victory coming.

Jesus said in John 16:33 "... have peace, In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." Why do we remain surprised by the tribulation? Why to we blame other's tribulation on a lack of righteousness? They are unrelated. The world brings trials. To never venture through them is inescapable. But as inescapable as the trials are, God is always there providing an escape and opportunity to overcome. He is always providing an opportunity to observe them from a kingdom of God perspective. The ultimate overcoming is moving closer to Him in relationship and deeper into the kingdom of God.

Dealing with these trials is what has to change. Natural laws create the issues and to rely on natural laws (natural sight) to escape is never the answer. We must rely on spiritual laws. We must see with out spirits.

I like the story in 2 Kings 6:16-17. King Aram has sent his army to capture the prophet Elisha. It is Elisha and his servant against horses and chariots. This is what happens. Elisha answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them. (In the natural 2 v. great army) Then Elisha prayed and said, 'O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.' And the Lord opened the servant's eyes and he saw; behold the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

The are always two things at work. The world & the kingdom of God. As our ego dies, the kingdom grows within us, along with our ability to see it. But the man/woman of God "who has a firsthand fellowship with God sees the mountains round about filled with "the chariots of Israel and the horsemen thereof." (T Austin-Sparks)

Open my eyes God! Open our eyes God! When you find yourself staring defeat and disaster in the face, ask God to open you eyes. Open yours eyes to His kingdom, and what is really happening. See His victory, feel His love, enjoy His peace.

Kingdom Come

Luke 17: 20-21, "...the Kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, 'Look here it is!', or "there it is!' For behold the kingdom of God is in you midst." (inside you or within you)

I could post the 2 or 3 lessons leading to this point, but why not just go straight for the desert. Besides that is what everyone really wants anyway. However, before we get there I must preface by saying what I am about to write I have never heard before. In fact I do not have a theological or doctrinal basis for it.

God puts pastors and ministers in my path. As of late, some to learn from, but most to listen to and love on. One thing that I have noticed about the pastors God puts in my path is that they are all by in large in the same financial position of struggle as me. God knows the lessons He is teaching us in this, but I encountered a pastor the other day who is not financially struggling. To me He is an anomaly and in fact knows even more pastors and ministers who are struggling financially. And perhaps struggle is not a good word. Let's say these pastor are provided with just enough. That is a fair assessment of where God has them.

So this comfortable pastor explains that he feels guilty for not having to struggle financially. After all these men have well known ministries, and are considered great men of God. So I see the warped logic of, if a superior is struggling, then why shouldn't he. The following is what I said.

First I really don't see many people struggling like Job where they are attacked in finances, health, and relationships. Reality is the trials of life seem to come in one of those three areas. And they come to everyone. For the comfortable pastor above, his life's challenges are a constant health battle in his family. For others that I know-- they have secure finances, perfect health, but a relationship out of control. If a parent, the relationship is usually a child. All these trials are being used to prove that we are incapable, and that God is bigger than us. They are there for us to surrender to God. The end result being we love each other more.

One of these struggling pastors that I was talking with, like me, lost his business. He also lost his church and everything he owned. Two years ago he had a heart attack at 64 followed by 4 strokes. He has been recovering since, but his health caused the financial demise. Currently his wife has stage 4 cancer in both breast, but he keeps trudging on for God. He is a non-stop flowing fountain of God's word. Including what we all know to be prosperity preaching. And this is where I had to part with him in beliefs.

Here is where my THOUGHTS come in. Again, these are thoughts.

Yes I believe God is a God of restoration. But I also know that Abraham, the father of faith, never saw the promise. He did not see the promise while alive on earth because God was teaching that faith sees the rewards in heaven and earthly rewards are inconsequential.

I don't think God gives a crap about money. He does not care if you have it, and He does not care if you don't have. If you have it and He does not want you to have it, He will take it away. If you don't have it and He wants you to have it, you will. And here is why. Here is how all that prosperity preaching is correct and wrong in the context of money at the same time.

From the fall of Adam to John the Baptist relationship with God was broken. The only communication that God had with the common man was the law and through the physical word. Do good, get money was a type and shadow of what the spiritual world is like. The spiritual world is obey God and get a reward, in heaven. The passover dinner... prophetic type and shadow of what occurred on the cross in the spirit world. I have countless examples.

So here comes Jesus. What did He come preaching? Repent the kingdom of God is at hand. Somewhere over 70 times He mentioned this. This kingdom came with Christ's resurrection and the introduction of the Holy Spirit to the world. (Thy Kingdom Come, thy will be done on earth as in heaven) From that point on the physical was irrelevant, and the spiritual is where the importance and the lesson is. Think about the Pharisees. They were complaining the disciples didn't wash before eating. Jesus commented that the Pharisees clean the outside but not the inside. He was not talking about the cup. He was talking about the person. Luke 17: 20-21 is this transition. It is the expression of going from the law (physical) to grace (spiritual). Yes the physical can mirror the spiritual, but at the same time this is not absolute. Because someone has or does not have money is in no way an indication of their spiritual condition. Peace, patience, understanding... LOVE... these are the true indicators.

And there is nothing or no one better at love than God. If something is standing in the way of that love, be it love of money, love of self, love of relationships... anything, God will remove it so that His love for you can be clearly manifested.

Love - Obedience -Faith

John 5:19, "Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, 'Truly, truly,  I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner."

I have discovered that the recent posts on love are spiritually provocative, and a little bit controversial. On one level pure, perfect, agape love represents the unattainable. And because it is unattainable, then perhaps these discussions are pointless. Perhaps it is too difficult a task for any individual to look in the mirror and honestly say to themselves I can never achieve perfect agape love. But reality is this is the very thing that needs to happen. Until we can look in the mirror and say that very thing we will never experience it.

T Austin Sparks wrote in 1927, "...it is necessary to settle it once and for all that we, in ourselves, will never be overcomers, and that opens the way for the whole of this theme and its reality of meaning to come from the Lord to us. There is only one Overcomer in the universe, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and if there are ever any other overcomers, they will not be others at all, they will simply be the extension of His overcoming — the expansion of His victory." Until we can admit this truth to ourselves I fail to see how we can ever overcome the arrogance of our ego to truly love. (Please understand that I use self, ego, and flesh interchangeably and believe them to be the same inner man referred to in scripture.) In admitting our weakness, acknowledging Christ strength, then God's perfect love can begin to work in us. Leading to the second point.

Obedience to God is what makes the "act" of love perfect. But how can we obey when the voice is still and the vision is as in a mirror dimly? Jesus did it with a perfect connection to God. He did and said what the Father did and said. Hear the words of Christ, "the Son can do nothing of Himself." Even the love shown by Jesus was not His own, but belonged to the father. So what then of this obedience? Is obedience the barrier that prevents us from loving?

I think not. This is one of the many paradoxes of life. God loves us, so that we can love others, so that God can love us again, and so that we can love others. The relationship is critical, but the acts of love become a reflection of what we see the Father to be. The perfect acts of love are God's light shining through us in His act of first love. So the spiritual reality is that obedience is not a limiting factor because we can only reflect what we see. We can only obey what we hear, and it is God's responsibility to speak as much as we have responsibility to hear. Bringing us to the final component or point.

Without faith it is impossible to please God. Because we see poorly, if at all, and because we hear poorly, if at all... we must have faith to fill the gap. The spiritual "thought" has to be seasoned with faith inorder to become an act of love. We love in faithful obedience knowing that even if not a perfect act of love, God will cause it all to work together for good.

Lets jump to the practical. If we will approach life with the attitude of being in relationship to God, then we will find the opportunities to be a refection of His love. This does not have to be done a church, on the mission field, or in any other "institution" of Christianity. This can, and is to be done, right where you are. How about the Boss who takes the file clerk to lunch and just listens to them? Or the file clerk who on the way home throws a quarter into the beggar's cup? These can be practical acts of love triggered by God's tug on the heart. To yield to that tug is the faith that makes the act love. The act can be anything, and in any direction. I am reminded of a story I heard about Abraham Lincoln. It was of an old lady making him cry with her gift of cookies. He was used to people coming to his office wanting something. This woman just wanted to bring him some cookies. The tears were obviously an acknowledgment of the love.

Last I will share this. My mom text-ed me the other day that she wanted to pay my phone bill. This was absolutely an act of God's agape love. Not because it is my mom. Not because it met a need. It was an act of God's love because she did not know the bill was not paid, and hours from being cut off. This was God saying to me... I love you and your quest to discover Me as both provision and Provider will not go unanswered. Equally, had she know those facts, I would not have received it as love, but rather her attempt to fix the situation. I'm not looking for my situation to be fixed. I am looking for God's love, so that I can love, and be loved again... continuously by God.

Who can you show the love of Christ to today?

If you need love, or prayer, please feel free to contact me.

Love is not

1 John 4:8, " The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

I cannot escape thinking about Agape love. It sounds stupid, but the totality of all my life's experiences and thoughts of love are but a fraction of what I see love to be today. It as if God has hung this proverbial carrot out in front of me and said, come and get it. I see something out there I have never fully experienced, nor fully observed in this lifetime. Oh sure, my definition of love has been met and seen thousands of times. But God's definition of love... frankly I have mainly read about it in the life of Christ. Oh there are times when I taste it, but that taste is the little baby spoon for the sample at the ice cream counter. I can see that there is a four scoop banana split of love out there. That's what I want to take a bite of.

What is this love? Oswald Chambers says that it has a degree of spontaneity. That true, pure love is not something that is planned. 1 Corinthians says it is patient, kind, not jealous, does not brag, not arrogant, doesn't act unbecomingly, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, and never fails. 1 John tells us God is love and if we don't love then we don't know God. Jesus said there was no greater love than to lay down one's life for another.

What fascinates me more at the moment is not what love is, but what love is not. For example, no where does it say love is never angry, or love is compassionate. Both feelings the bible is clear that Christ had. Love is not necessarily giving advice. Love is not even giving a hand out. Though advice and a hand out could be considered kindness, they could equally be unkind if the advice is misguided, or the handout is enabling. There is not an absolute that love is doing what someone wants. It does not say that love teaches... though this could be an act of love. It does not say love is feeding the hungry. It does not say love is giving to the poor. Though Christ clearly gave to the poor, He also did not give when it was suggested by Judas that perfume used on Him should be sold for that purpose. On the contrary Jesus replied, "you will always have the poor with you." So in the reality of life there are a lot of acts, and omissions for that matter, that may or may not be love. What makes them love or not is if God (who is love) is behind them. So love, the love of God, also has an element of obedience to it.

Can we conclude that if we know God through salvation then we will experience His love? Can we also conclude that if we have experienced His love then we will also be able to express that love? Can we also conclude if we are to express love correctly then God will have to communicate what the correct act is?

Now throw into the mix that loving God, and loving our neighbor as ourselves are the only two commandments. And Jesus says that in exercising these commandments His burden is easy and His load is light. Therefore should the acts of love that God commands not be horrifically burdensome? Oh you can be certain that pure love will absolutely confront our egos, and never allow us to be seeking our own. But beyond that beautiful experience of dying to self, of ego being defeated, shouldn't love be easy? Answer... love is only easy for a dead man, an ego-less man.

Love - the greatest gift

1 Corinthians 13:8-10, "Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will  be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect (love) comes, the partial will be done away."

I was baptized catholic, grew up going to a Methodists church while attending a Church of Christ elementary school. Only to be switched to an Assembly of God church and a Catholic High school. Later, as an adult, attended various non-denominational churches, a post denominational church, to where I am now. I have attended over 3000 services, and spent 2 years in ministry school. I have read my bible cover to cover multiple times. I would like to believe that I have experienced all that religion has to offer from the systematic to the charismatic. I have attended faith services, repentance services, bible churches, revival services, deliverance conferences, pretty much all that I care to. Unlike many of my predecessors I don't condemn any congregation for specializing or focusing on one area. In fact, to this day I maintain relationships with people I met along the way -- all the way back to that Church of Christ Elementary School and everywhere in between.  Good, godly individuals to whom anyone could emulate and achieve heaven.

All that training, teaching, learning, seeking... and still I only occasionally touch true pure agape love. That extra special, unconditional love completely lacking in any selfish motivation like with Mr. Unlovable. Why is this? 1 John 4:19 says, "We love, because He first loved us." Perhaps I have not truly tasted God's love and therefore incapable of giving it to its fullness.

I can't help but wonder if the last 30 years of Christianity for me were spent with too much majoring on the minor and minoring on the major. Why haven't I studied this unconditional love? After all, according to scripture it is the highest gift. Reality is all those things build to love. Unconditional love is somehow accomplished on the backside of all the minor lessons. And more importantly I appears to be found, like God, at the very end of ourselves. Only in this death of ego have I ever experienced this true agape love.

This all reminds me a paraplegic paper salesman that back in my rich days would benefit from me giving him $100 a week. Then one week I didn't have any cash on me, and I saw him feebly trying to sell papers once again from his wheelchair. In my heart I felt like I was supposed to talk to him. Reluctantly I parked and made my way to the middle of the 8 lanes of traffic. Not knowing what to say I decided to try and help him sell papers. 30 minutes or more passed, and I didn't sell a paper. So I asked the paper salesman his name.

His name is Julius. Curious, I asked how he ended up in the wheelchair. He explained that he was shot in the neck in a drug deal gone bad. Concerned about how he gets by I asked how does the sell the papers, because business seemed bad.

It was then he explained that he only sells on that side of the street until 10:00am and then move to the other side where it is much better. I asked why until 10am. He said about once a week a guy comes buy and gives him $100 and he needs to be there cause it's his lucky spot. I told him I was the guy. He could not thank me enough. I felt embarrassed. I only gave him the money in obedience to the compassion God was putting on my heart. So I told him, don't thank me, thank God... He's the one who told me to do it.

Agape love - - God loves Julius enough to send him provision. God loves me enough to send me out there to get the whole story, to experience the unconditional love. How do I find this love everyday? How do I be this love everyday? Isn't that what God wants us all to be?

People - - OMG

Luke 19:41-44, "When He approached Jerusalem, He saw the city and wept over it saying, "... because you did not recognize the time of your visitation."

I am convinced that if it weren't for people I would be able to walk in agape love. (LOL) In fact not only walk in love, but not miss my visitation. But as it is, the world is full of people, and thus this path to love is proving to have some very steep uphill battles.

 Like the people at Quest Diagnostics. I needed a drug screen for my employer. I arrived the other day at 4:03pm, and was told they would not do my test because they stop them at 4:00pm in spite of being open from 6:30AM to 5:00PM. Only to be turned away again the following morning at 8:30AM because they don't start drug screen tests until 10:00AM. There certainly was no common sense or customer service in any of it, and as a result I was a little fit to be tied. Forget the injustice that I have to even take the test when police, teachers, congressmen, judges, doctors... people in places of importance don't have to suffer the same humiliation.

But that experience was to be outdone moments later by the folks at Montgomery County Appraisal District. Some might say they are only doing their job. Well once again I had a gigantic encounter with a void of common sense and customer service. In fact, that whole experience seems to be an encounter with yet another completely corrupt, or at least gerrymandered system operated by people who not only support it, but simultaneously derive some twisted sense of enjoyment.

But what would Jesus do? I know if I was Jesus what I would do. Can anyone say, hell fire and brimstone? But I'm not Him, and unfortunately once again His word is more right than my attitude. I think Jesus would probably weep at the whole lot, just like He did for Jerusalem. So much energy being spent on spinning the wheels of life. Stuck in a big bog of mud, they just move to move, not getting anywhere.

Just writing about it gives me a whole new perspective. Those poor people... just wandering on the same path day after day... just getting by. Well, I'm glad for one that I am not one of them... and secondly, I am now sad that they are trapped in systems that won't allow them to recognize a visitation. Guess I should have gone in there a little less concerned about my issues, and instead been looking for opportunities to be a light.

Fail.... but the day is not over.

To go deeper, the real issue behind the whole bad attitude is that I am still trying to provide for myself rather than trust God's provision. Raising my property taxes while income is declining created an automated defensive reaction. Asking me to do more for my employer when my income is declining also hit that same defensive reaction. Three separate trips to the same place with Diesel at $4/gallon really pushed the provision button. Were I in the place of trust and faith for God's provision, then I would have had a better chance to be a light and walk in love. I even though I know those people did not deserve for me to walk in love towards them, that is precisely why I should have.

Let it Rain

Isaiah 30:23, "Then He will give you rain for the seed which you will sow in the ground, and bread from the yield of the ground, and it will be rich and plenteous; on that day your livestock will graze in a roomy pasture."

On the way to church this Sunday I was noticing just how dry everything is. How my neighbors' yard have dead spots even though they are all mostly irrigated. On the roadsides the grass is brown. Stock tanks in the pastures are drying up. So I prayed. I said, "God, I don't know if this drought is your plan or not. But I do know that what you have intrusted me with needs rain. If you will not bring rain to the whole area, will you please bring a thunderstorm to my land?" Pretty simple, heart felt prayer.

As I drove on something triggered a super cool way for churches to raise money, and I spent a lot of time thinking and planing on that over the rest of the afternoon. But as I walked to my barn to put the horses up for the evening I looked up and noticed a rather small dark cloud. I remembered my prayer that morning, and I started praying again. I prayed, "Father, in the name of Jesus I command that cloud to give it's water to my land." Crack, the thunder started. So I prayed some more. I began to pray that the land, the livestock, my family, and my children needed the rain. I prayed for the cloud to not move until it had blessed my land. Over and over different things, different needs, were coming out in the prayer. All done while I cleaned stalls.

In my heart I knew the prayer was dual purpose. After all, in the Bible rain is representative of the Holy Spirit  and God's presence. So as I was praying for physical rain, I knew that I was simultaneously praying for spiritual rain. I concluded with telling the clouds, "bless my land in the name of Jesus. Bless it with all the water in you." Crazy I know... but guess what? It started raining.

So I stood on my front porch in awe, wondering how many people's prayers were being answered. I continued watching the rain and began mouthing a song. Jamie came out and asked what I was saying. I told her, "yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord."

Say what you want, but those rain drops brought reassurance from heaven for me. Reassurance that He does hear my prayers. That those prayers do have an impact on my life. At the same time they brought a longing for more opportunities to pray. They made me miss the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times I've gotten to pray for others and see God work in their lives. I missed praying for the sick and seeing God make them well. So if you would like to scratch this itch of mine to pray for others. Feel free to send your prayer request to jeffyuna@gmail.com. In the meantime enjoy the professional version of what I was singing on my porch in the middle of the rain.