I was baptized catholic, grew up going to a Methodists church while attending a Church of Christ elementary school. Only to be switched to an Assembly of God church and a Catholic High school. Later, as an adult, attended various non-denominational churches, a post denominational church, to where I am now. I have attended over 3000 services, and spent 2 years in ministry school. I have read my bible cover to cover multiple times. I would like to believe that I have experienced all that religion has to offer from the systematic to the charismatic. I have attended faith services, repentance services, bible churches, revival services, deliverance conferences, pretty much all that I care to. Unlike many of my predecessors I don't condemn any congregation for specializing or focusing on one area. In fact, to this day I maintain relationships with people I met along the way -- all the way back to that Church of Christ Elementary School and everywhere in between. Good, godly individuals to whom anyone could emulate and achieve heaven.
All that training, teaching, learning, seeking... and still I only occasionally touch true pure agape love. That extra special, unconditional love completely lacking in any selfish motivation like with Mr. Unlovable. Why is this? 1 John 4:19 says, "We love, because He first loved us." Perhaps I have not truly tasted God's love and therefore incapable of giving it to its fullness.
I can't help but wonder if the last 30 years of Christianity for me were spent with too much majoring on the minor and minoring on the major. Why haven't I studied this unconditional love? After all, according to scripture it is the highest gift. Reality is all those things build to love. Unconditional love is somehow accomplished on the backside of all the minor lessons. And more importantly I appears to be found, like God, at the very end of ourselves. Only in this death of ego have I ever experienced this true agape love.
This all reminds me a paraplegic paper salesman that back in my rich days would benefit from me giving him $100 a week. Then one week I didn't have any cash on me, and I saw him feebly trying to sell papers once again from his wheelchair. In my heart I felt like I was supposed to talk to him. Reluctantly I parked and made my way to the middle of the 8 lanes of traffic. Not knowing what to say I decided to try and help him sell papers. 30 minutes or more passed, and I didn't sell a paper. So I asked the paper salesman his name.
His name is Julius. Curious, I asked how he ended up in the wheelchair. He explained that he was shot in the neck in a drug deal gone bad. Concerned about how he gets by I asked how does the sell the papers, because business seemed bad.
It was then he explained that he only sells on that side of the street until 10:00am and then move to the other side where it is much better. I asked why until 10am. He said about once a week a guy comes buy and gives him $100 and he needs to be there cause it's his lucky spot. I told him I was the guy. He could not thank me enough. I felt embarrassed. I only gave him the money in obedience to the compassion God was putting on my heart. So I told him, don't thank me, thank God... He's the one who told me to do it.
Agape love - - God loves Julius enough to send him provision. God loves me enough to send me out there to get the whole story, to experience the unconditional love. How do I find this love everyday? How do I be this love everyday? Isn't that what God wants us all to be?
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