The blog post normally are prepared a few days in advance. However in time, this is my first post since "Need Cash?" And I must say that God cracks me up, and I love the job He is giving me. Yesterday was the humorous part.
To say there has been a paradigm shift in my life would be the understatement of the decade. But in this leap of faith, I have some very serious thoughts about burning the bridge to mortgages. It is one thing to say in my heart that I am not turning back. It is another thing to quit what I have been doing for 9 years now. Not that what I am doing has done any good in the past 2 months. My income is a fraction of what is "normal" as God forces the change as much as I try to change directions with Him. So yesterday I have a meeting with my boss. He informs me of a whole bunch of changes that are effective immediately. Basically, that I now work for someone else and have to apply again for the position, not to mention changes in comp and pay schedule. So in this application process, I have to have a valid driver's license. Currently mine is not, and it cannot be made valid until Aug 4, 2011. (Long story - but nothing bad like DWI or something) So I have to ask myself, Is God going to burn the bridge for me? Time will tell, but it still makes me laugh.
In the meantime I stopped by a friends office after the meeting. Told him that I wanted to give him my time, that it was all I have an abundance of and in many ways feel obligated to him. I offered to clean or whatever, and he said, "I want your brain." That led to a brief conversation and me spending about 2 hours with a person working on an internet advertising campaign. I'm a self-proclaimed expert in the area and I really feel like I was able to show some love by asking the right questions, and getting them pointed in the right direction.
Then today was equally awesome and fulfilling. Jim invited me to the Tomball Love Machine group. Unlike Iwo Jima, our men's group, this group is co-ed so a completely different feel. But the people are equally struggling to embrace death of self so that Christ can be resurrected in them. Really a complete honor to be included in with people of such openness, which in my book is integrity. After all, isn't that what life is about. Being who we are, and not pretending? I would share some of the ills, but that is unnecessary for this discussion. As I was driving home I couldn't help but think that about 95% of what is wrong with people has been caused by someone... usually family. I don't want to be a dysfunctional family, or detached, unavailable father. And if it's not family, then it's someone else close inflicting the damage.
I say this not to enable people in their coping mechanisms, but just to acknowledge reality. And just like someone else caused the damage, it is as if God requires the wounded to heal themselves. To turn aside from the hurts, walls, pains, coping mechanisms, and choose to be different. Reality is no one can cure the pain, but we can point the way to the cure, namely Jesus. We can encourage the path to the cure, by acknowledging the pain.
Something else that hit me was that people often say, "I am..." I am an abuse victim. I am an addict. I am... whatever. I really don't agree with that. One woman today said, "I am a dancer." No she not. She danced for a living at some point in the past, but she is not a dancer. No more a dancer than I am a victim of child sex abuse. Yes, I was abused. But I am not a victim. When we hang on to those identities how can we receive or give forgiveness? What I am is a child of God, and that's what she is too. We are not what we do, we are what we are. So it's important to identify with who you really are, who God intended you to be. And never identify with past acts - - good or bad. For example... a CEO is not a CEO. That's a job, not an identity. Some people get their identity by being a "christian." It's a false identity that has them pretending to be righteous. I practice Christianity because I am a child of God, but my identity is not Christian.
Get it? It is a hard thing to grasp, I am a child of God. But when even a piece of this concept is grasped, then the false identities we wrap ourselves in begin to fall. As a child of God I know that He will teach me and train me. As a Christian I will fail trying to adhere to doctrines. As a child, my failure is simply part of the learning process. That's a huge difference and worth repeating. Identifying as a child of God sees failure as part of the learning process and forgiveness is readily accepted. Identifying as a Christian sees failure as an inadequacy and creates a separation from the object of our affection.
After posting this I read something by Charles Spurgeon. In reference to Ecclesiastes 11:1 which said, "Cast thy bread upon the waters; for thou shalt find it after many days." Charles explained it this way. "We must not expect to see an immediate reward for all the good we do; nor must we always confine our efforts to places and persons which seem likely to yield us a recompense for our labors."
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