Perhaps I got my mission wrong. The shameless surrender that some might know Christ more should probably say... that I might know Christ more. Yes, I did indeed get it wrong. The mission is shameless surrender that we might know Christ more.
I almost did not post anything today. Not that there is nothing to say, or that I don't have things worth reading. Just that there was nothing that I was supposed to say. And then the Holy Spirit led me once again to T Austin-Sparks. I was not looking for something to speak to me, I simply picked up the first thing I saw, and said ok God... speak to me whatever you have to say. And this jumped off the page. "The Dominating Objective Of The Divine Dealings With Us is that we may know the Lord. This explains all our experiences, trials, sufferings, perplexities, weakness, predicaments, tight corners, bafflings, pressures. While the refining of spirit, the development of the graces, the removing of the dross, are all purposes of the fires, yet above and through all is the one object - that we may know the Lord. There is only one way of really getting to know the Lord, and that is experimentally."
The past couple of days have been phenomenal blessings from God. Everyone around me seems to be getting a blessing from heaven, and for what feels like the first time, I am truly able to rejoice with and for them. There is no jealousy, or "where's mine?" attitude. Except that there was a major disappointment when my younger daughter did not get an expected blessing. So I found myself in a funk. Why? God is moving, He is blessing, and clearly working in lives. And yet once again I am reminded that I took my eyes of the face of Jesus and started looking at His hand again... at what He can do, and not what He is. I violated my very own mission... to know Him more. Instead in my weakness I tried to see Him "do" more, and "do" it based on my definition and desires.
I'm not beating myself up, God is too forgiving for that. But I am certainly working on keeping focus. Focus on the fact that to know Christ more is perhaps the pinnacle of life. I am working on rejecting disappointment for the question of, what does this lesson teach me about the personage of Jesus Christ? For that matter, I am working on rejecting the excitement of blessings for the question of, what does this lesson teach me about the personage of Jesus Christ?
If all we look for in Christ is; what He can do, disappointment is likely to follow. But that disappointment, the accompanying trial, the host of negative emotions, are there to remind us we took our eyes off His face. The relationship inverted and in our hearts He works for us. Right the relationship by looking at Him and who He is.
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