I hear You...

Matthew 17:8. "And lifting up their eyes, they saw no one except Jesus Himself alone."

God is constantly saying don't look at life, look at Me. He is saying don't look to yourself for the solution, look to Me for the solution.

I almost didn't post today because I have so completely lost focus on Him in the past 24 hours. The external pressure of my financial situation has really come to bear on me. There is a lot of fear and criticism that is being heaped on my shoulders as a result, and so once again I sought to quantify the problem in hopes of finding a simple solution.

Once again I looked at the minimum monthly budget of which there remains a significant shortfall. In my mind there is only one solution. But the solution is not the resolution of the finances. The solution is what will stop the pressure, fear, and criticism most quickly. Forget that it will create a whole other set of issues to deal with.

It is hard to wait on God, I don't care what you say. It's hard to stay in faith to what God speaks softly in your ear while the world you have known is crashing around you.

Thoughts enter your mind when you try to reconcile the tribulation of the world with the joy of the spirit. Thoughts like, "am I just being an ostrich and putting my head in the sand, hoping this will go away. Or is this really faith?" Thoughts of anger turned towards God like, "look what You are doing. In not providing my daily bread you are creating turmoil in my family. You are hurting the ones I love."

I don't know why I have to struggle financially. I don't know why others have to struggle with diseases like cancer. I don't know why some father's rape their children, or why others beat them mercilessly. I don't know why couples split, or why nations starve. I don't know why God is so ever present and moving in every life every day, and yet so much evil exists, and so much pain is endured. I don't know why some have it so easy, or why their life seems so perfect. All I know is what I am going through, and it hurts like hell.

And as I go through this God sends a word to me through T. Austin-Sparks that says, "Keep your eyes outside. Refuse introspection, dwelling upon yourself, your condition, your feelings, your symptoms. Look not for hope in yourself. Seek no virtue in your own heart. Cease to expect any good of yourself, but remember that He is your righteousness, your surety, your acceptance with God, your merit, your Intercessor."

Then He follows it up with this from Oswald Chambers, "Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once and ask Him to establish rest. Never allow anything to remain which is making the dis-peace. Take every element of disintegration as something to wrestle against, and not to suffer. Say - Lord, prove Thy consciousness in me, and self-consciousness will go and He will be all in all. Beware of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic."

In the end it is a very hard thing to un-learn strength. It is in our weakness that He is made strong. But to face that weakness, to bear the cross of Christ in your soul, can be a painful thing at times. Particularly when it is you trying to bear it, rather than allowing Christ in you to do it.

Increase my faith

Luke 17:5, "The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!'"

Based on the feedback my blog has apparently done it's job and conveyed quite well the spiritual struggle that I am in... to discover God as Provider and Provision. I compared my experience to Abraham taking Isaac to be sacrificed. But I am certainly no Abraham. And this is sad to me. The saddest thing to me is that I believed Abraham took Isaac to the alter expecting God to provide, but willing to kill his own son if God did not provide an alternative sacrifice. Abraham raised the knife on his own son. I am not even close to being in that place of faith. I say with my lips that my house is on the altar, and the equity it represents, but if I am honest my heart is far from it. I march this march purely in obedience, in the hope (not faith) that God is true to His word.  - - even as I write this God just shared with me an incredible revelation. Abraham did not have the faith for God to provide until the very point he raised the knife in obedience. All the talk to Isaac that God is Jehovah Jira was lip service. God knows our heart, He has no need to “test” our faith. He knows our exact level of faith. He was not testing Abraham’s faith. He was increasing it.That increase came at the point he raised the knife. Think about it. God could have provided the lamb at any point, but waited until the last second increasing Abraham's faith.

Likewise God is not testing my faith, patience, perseverance, self control... He is increasing them all. Or at least that's the hope.

The apostles asked to have their faith increased. Jesus explains the results of faith and goes into a parable about how the slave comes in from the field not to sit down and eat, but to get cleaned up and serve the master only to eat afterwards. He answers their request for increased faith with, "So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, 'We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.'" The apostles say, increase our faith. Jesus says then obey me and be humble when the results come. If faith is the meal at the end of the day, then it comes after exhaustion of everything we are. At the end of us faith moves.

What does all this look like in the real world? I have no idea. It could be me continuing to grind out a living in the mortgage business. It could be God telling me next week to get a job. It could be a winning lottery ticket. It could be a call to preach and a love offering that meets my needs. It could be someone wanting one of my books. It could be anything. But regardless, I have to be obedient to what I fell God is communicating to me. Not only communicating, but confirming. That obedience is a death experience. Something inside me does not want to obey, and that something must die, it must be brought into submission so that I can obey.

In the midst of it all is support from my trusted friends. They laugh hysterically at me. They have been through this very thing. They laugh because they know how good it is on the other side. I ask, how do I get there? They say, universally... keep going. The only thing to do is keep going.

At this point I wish Donald would put "Live what I believe" on  You Tube, but he has not, so enjoy this selection.

That I May Know Him

Phillipians 3:10, "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;"

Perhaps I got my mission wrong. The shameless surrender that some might know Christ more should probably say... that I might know Christ more. Yes, I did indeed get it wrong. The mission is shameless surrender that we might know Christ more.

I almost did not post anything today. Not that there is nothing to say, or that I don't have things worth reading. Just that there was nothing that I was supposed to say. And then the Holy Spirit led me once again to T Austin-Sparks. I was not looking for something to speak to me, I simply picked up the first thing I saw, and said ok God... speak to me whatever you have to say. And this jumped off the page. "The Dominating Objective Of The Divine Dealings With Us is that we may know the Lord. This explains all our experiences, trials, sufferings, perplexities, weakness, predicaments, tight corners, bafflings, pressures. While the refining of spirit, the development of the graces, the removing of the dross, are all purposes of the fires, yet above and through all is the one object - that we may know the Lord. There is only one way of really getting to know the Lord, and that is experimentally."

The past couple of days have been phenomenal blessings from God. Everyone around me seems to be  getting a blessing from heaven, and for what feels like the first time, I am truly able to rejoice with and for them. There is no jealousy, or "where's mine?" attitude. Except that there was a major disappointment when my younger daughter did not get an expected blessing. So I found myself in a funk. Why? God is moving, He is blessing, and clearly working in lives. And yet once again I am reminded that I took my eyes of the face of Jesus and started looking at His hand again... at what He can do, and not what He is. I violated my very own mission... to know Him more. Instead in my weakness I tried to see Him "do" more, and "do" it based on my definition and desires.

I'm not beating myself up, God is too forgiving for that. But I am certainly working on keeping focus. Focus on the fact that to know Christ more is perhaps the pinnacle of life. I am working on rejecting disappointment for the question of, what does this lesson teach me about the personage of Jesus Christ? For that matter, I am working on rejecting the excitement of blessings for the question of, what does this lesson teach me about the personage of Jesus Christ?

If all we look for in Christ is; what He can do, disappointment is likely to follow. But that disappointment, the accompanying trial, the host of negative emotions, are there to remind us we took our eyes off His face. The relationship inverted and in our hearts He works for us. Right the relationship by looking at Him and who He is.

Kingdom Eyes

2 Timothy 2:7, "Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything."

Most Christians of all denominations and faith acknowledge the Holy Spirit to one degree or another. They accept that He is our helper and guide, and know that sometimes our thoughts are not our own, but placed there by the Holy Spirit. This gives us a counter voice to the voice of the world. What I would propose is that if the Holy Spirit is our facilitator to hearing God, then the kingdom of God is our facilitator to seeing.

Sounds a bit like herasy, but follow me on this one. God is light. Light is energy and mass. God is, and His light emits from Him. Where that light goes is His kingdom. The Holy Spirit operates not only in the kingdom, but beyond it's borders to call people out of the darkness. Darkness is the absense of light, and thus to be outside the kingdom of God. With me so far?

Now scripture can be read with the help of the Holy Spirit. Take for example the parable of the talents. The master gives the slaves talents (6000 days wages) expecting them to invest the money. Upon the master's return he comes to collect. The ones who grew the talents were rewarded. The ones who did nothing had it taken away. With the Holy Spirit we know talents are not just money. With the Holy Spirit we know that the master is the Master, namely Jesus Christ. Now let's open our eyes. Let's look at the scripture from inside the kingdom.

Inside the kingdom we know everything is spiritual. Therefore we know that the talents are nothing earthly. The talent may be mercy, patience, giving, comforting, understanding... anything that is a character of God, or anything that God can imagine. It is not money, education, intellect. For me, God has said my talent is shameless surrender. Therefore it is my obligation, under the kingdom principle to not only use that talent, but use it in such a way that it grows. That others learn or recognize it in themselves.

Don't believe me? Look at Matthew 19:24. Jesus says, "Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Again, with kingdom Eyes... where is the rich man going? To the kingdom of God... not a place in the future, but a place here and now. A place that fills us as we enter. And again because the kingdom of God is spiritual we know that a rich person is not only monetary wealth. Riches are anything in abundance that we rely on more than God. Again it can be intellect, education, training... anything. You see the eye of a needle was a physical place. It was in the gate of a khan at Nazareth. It was intended for foot traffic, but for a camel to go through it must be unpacked of its load.  So too a man that relies on the earthy treasures must be unpacked before entering and understanding this kingdom of God principle. The more education you have, the harder it is to unpack. The more money you have the harder it is to unpack.Once on the other side the camel maybe reloaded. God may have us pick up and use the natural talents and gifts, but only after them being laid down. Just like Abraham laid down Isaac.

I have a lot of financial training. I am in a financial crisis because God is helping me unpack all that physical training and education so that I can enter through the eye of the needle into the kingdom of God where I will see and understand Him as my Provider and Provision.

I will close with something from my sight coach Jim Spivey, "What I “see,” thanks to Him, I can sometimes have a hard time convincing other people of, because it is not readily “apparent.”  The only “place” from which I will desperately struggle to do so is the place that has lost touch with His vision.  Clear and in direct contact, there is no drama, for the answer He gave one, He gave all, and it is not my job to manipulate, force, or control access.  It is my job to simply point to the door and invite entry."

Trials - Expect Them

Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

If I am truly to be a "minister" then one of the functions that I should be good at is articulating spiritual truths so that they can have practical application to life. Yet when I delve into the subject of the kingdom of God I find that my understanding is far deeper than my ability to articulate. Therefore it becomes very refreshing when I find a predecessor who has said the very thing I find indescribable.

Once again T Austin-Sparks has the words I am looking for. He said, "Paralysis, defeat, disaster have always been consequent upon judgment after the sight of the eyes (the eyes of the natural senses). Victory has always issued sooner or later from someone's assurance of and discernment of the Divine resources and realities behind all else. " In other words, when negative happens it is because we have looked at the situation from natural laws and observations. But when the results are victory, or a pleasing outcome then we have acted spiritual or divine laws and observation.

Circumstances can be identical but the perception is what is important. It was not because the Israelites were looking at their circumstances in the flesh that they became surrounded and trapped by a sea, mountains, and an army. The entrapment was going to happen regardless. It was their lack of spiritual vision that caused them to panic and fear and not see the victory coming.

Jesus said in John 16:33 "... have peace, In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." Why do we remain surprised by the tribulation? Why to we blame other's tribulation on a lack of righteousness? They are unrelated. The world brings trials. To never venture through them is inescapable. But as inescapable as the trials are, God is always there providing an escape and opportunity to overcome. He is always providing an opportunity to observe them from a kingdom of God perspective. The ultimate overcoming is moving closer to Him in relationship and deeper into the kingdom of God.

Dealing with these trials is what has to change. Natural laws create the issues and to rely on natural laws (natural sight) to escape is never the answer. We must rely on spiritual laws. We must see with out spirits.

I like the story in 2 Kings 6:16-17. King Aram has sent his army to capture the prophet Elisha. It is Elisha and his servant against horses and chariots. This is what happens. Elisha answered, "Do not fear, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them. (In the natural 2 v. great army) Then Elisha prayed and said, 'O Lord, I pray, open his eyes that he may see.' And the Lord opened the servant's eyes and he saw; behold the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

The are always two things at work. The world & the kingdom of God. As our ego dies, the kingdom grows within us, along with our ability to see it. But the man/woman of God "who has a firsthand fellowship with God sees the mountains round about filled with "the chariots of Israel and the horsemen thereof." (T Austin-Sparks)

Open my eyes God! Open our eyes God! When you find yourself staring defeat and disaster in the face, ask God to open you eyes. Open yours eyes to His kingdom, and what is really happening. See His victory, feel His love, enjoy His peace.

Kingdom Come

Luke 17: 20-21, "...the Kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed; nor will they say, 'Look here it is!', or "there it is!' For behold the kingdom of God is in you midst." (inside you or within you)

I could post the 2 or 3 lessons leading to this point, but why not just go straight for the desert. Besides that is what everyone really wants anyway. However, before we get there I must preface by saying what I am about to write I have never heard before. In fact I do not have a theological or doctrinal basis for it.

God puts pastors and ministers in my path. As of late, some to learn from, but most to listen to and love on. One thing that I have noticed about the pastors God puts in my path is that they are all by in large in the same financial position of struggle as me. God knows the lessons He is teaching us in this, but I encountered a pastor the other day who is not financially struggling. To me He is an anomaly and in fact knows even more pastors and ministers who are struggling financially. And perhaps struggle is not a good word. Let's say these pastor are provided with just enough. That is a fair assessment of where God has them.

So this comfortable pastor explains that he feels guilty for not having to struggle financially. After all these men have well known ministries, and are considered great men of God. So I see the warped logic of, if a superior is struggling, then why shouldn't he. The following is what I said.

First I really don't see many people struggling like Job where they are attacked in finances, health, and relationships. Reality is the trials of life seem to come in one of those three areas. And they come to everyone. For the comfortable pastor above, his life's challenges are a constant health battle in his family. For others that I know-- they have secure finances, perfect health, but a relationship out of control. If a parent, the relationship is usually a child. All these trials are being used to prove that we are incapable, and that God is bigger than us. They are there for us to surrender to God. The end result being we love each other more.

One of these struggling pastors that I was talking with, like me, lost his business. He also lost his church and everything he owned. Two years ago he had a heart attack at 64 followed by 4 strokes. He has been recovering since, but his health caused the financial demise. Currently his wife has stage 4 cancer in both breast, but he keeps trudging on for God. He is a non-stop flowing fountain of God's word. Including what we all know to be prosperity preaching. And this is where I had to part with him in beliefs.

Here is where my THOUGHTS come in. Again, these are thoughts.

Yes I believe God is a God of restoration. But I also know that Abraham, the father of faith, never saw the promise. He did not see the promise while alive on earth because God was teaching that faith sees the rewards in heaven and earthly rewards are inconsequential.

I don't think God gives a crap about money. He does not care if you have it, and He does not care if you don't have. If you have it and He does not want you to have it, He will take it away. If you don't have it and He wants you to have it, you will. And here is why. Here is how all that prosperity preaching is correct and wrong in the context of money at the same time.

From the fall of Adam to John the Baptist relationship with God was broken. The only communication that God had with the common man was the law and through the physical word. Do good, get money was a type and shadow of what the spiritual world is like. The spiritual world is obey God and get a reward, in heaven. The passover dinner... prophetic type and shadow of what occurred on the cross in the spirit world. I have countless examples.

So here comes Jesus. What did He come preaching? Repent the kingdom of God is at hand. Somewhere over 70 times He mentioned this. This kingdom came with Christ's resurrection and the introduction of the Holy Spirit to the world. (Thy Kingdom Come, thy will be done on earth as in heaven) From that point on the physical was irrelevant, and the spiritual is where the importance and the lesson is. Think about the Pharisees. They were complaining the disciples didn't wash before eating. Jesus commented that the Pharisees clean the outside but not the inside. He was not talking about the cup. He was talking about the person. Luke 17: 20-21 is this transition. It is the expression of going from the law (physical) to grace (spiritual). Yes the physical can mirror the spiritual, but at the same time this is not absolute. Because someone has or does not have money is in no way an indication of their spiritual condition. Peace, patience, understanding... LOVE... these are the true indicators.

And there is nothing or no one better at love than God. If something is standing in the way of that love, be it love of money, love of self, love of relationships... anything, God will remove it so that His love for you can be clearly manifested.