Luke 16:10, "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much..."
At this point, updating the 611 of my life is not really something I "want" to do, but purely an act of obedience.
It has been 2 full months since June 1st when I decided to completely surrender to God, and to trust Him as my Provider and my Provision. He continues to envelope me in His presence daily, to hug me with His arms of love, and to speak to me heart. His loving relationship to me is truly provision and all I need to exists.
As Provider I have seen Him continue to move, and to increase. In June there was $300 of miraculous provision. In July there was $2300 in miraculous provision. The running total continues to climb as my real job continues to suffer. The deficit on my arbitrary scale is down to -29. Still moving the wrong direction but again God's movement as Provider is trending upward.
Jim, my provision coach, sent me a text the other day after I told him about a $600 blessing. It said, "He who is faithful in very little things it faithful also in much." Funny as it may sound, that whole scripture changed meanings for me in the context of coming from him. I know Jim, and he was not saying to be faithful going forward. He was saying faithfulness was rewarded. I have always been taught that the faithful in the little things would be to spend the $600 appropriately. That I needed to be faithful with the money. But somehow that text was a statement that God had just paid me for my obedience in ministry. It was as if God was saying, your blog and the little act of obedience it represents has produced this. Said another way, it was the "things being added" to the seeking first the kingdom of God.
To explain this in yet another way for understanding. If Jesus is the vine and I am the branch, then this branch is budding. From budding, there will come a flowering, from the flower comes the fruit. The bud, flower, and fruit are God's riches in glory. The $300 in June and the $2400 in July are God supplying my needs according to His riches in glory.
Galatians 5:1, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery."
My faith coach, Jim Spivey, really got my juices flowing this morning with his blog. It was a presentation of law v. faith or trying v. trusting. Something very near to my heart at the moment as I "try" to trust God fully. In the blog a quote really hit me. Not as much for it's content as it is from Watchman Nee who I am currently reading.
Nee says, "We have spoken of trying and trusting, and the difference between the two. Believe me, it is the difference between hell and heaven."
Jim says, "Nothing real and lasting is ever accomplished or secured through 'trying,' because 'trying' is grounded in 'not having,' and 'not having' consciousness cannot leave or transform itself, even in the 'getting.' The experience will stay stuck in 'not having' or 'not deserving,' regardless of the physical circumstances. Only 'already having, but not sure how' (i.e. trusting) consciousness can invite and experience a 'shift' into clearly knowing and appreciating how, whether physically getting or not."
Interpretation - - God says in Psalms 50:10, "For every beast of the forest is Mine, the cattle on a thousand hills." God has everything we need physically and spiritually. We have to trust we have it too. We have to trust our need is met because the provision is already there.
So Jim and Watchman Nee, and others, drawl this line between trying and trusting. It is a black and white subject with no mention of grey. And yet I mentioned that I was "trying" to trust. What of trying to trust? And what of trusting God to bless the trying?
We know that in the realm of Christianity there are those that "try" to be Christians. At church and in public they pretend momentarily and act the way that a Christian "should." Yet at home and in private are far different. We see occasionally someone who appears to be fully trusting in their salvation. Free and living for Christ without guilt. But I think most perhaps may fall in between.
When I say that I am "trying" to trust God, the effort is not coming from the trust. The effort is in the crucifying everything within me that will not trust. And in fact it is not me causing the death... it really is God and the only effort I am making is NOT picking up ME again. The effort is to not to succumb to the slight emotional pain and vast life experience. This is something that in the spiritual context is readily understandable. But I want to look at it in the practical world. In the physical world of need.
All around me are people saying "start trying" to provide more for your family and "trust" God to bless that effort. Is this an option in the black and white world of try or trust?
I am reminded of a go-karting lesson. My son raced go-karts on a competitive basis nationally. He was on the same racing team as Danica Patrick. We would go to the races and I was his pit crew. Coming off the track I always made the adjustments to the kart before cleaning it. I wanted the race stuff done first, then the cosmetic could follow. While every other mechanic on the team would clean the kart first and then make adjustments. The results were I was always behind the other guys, and always filthy at the end of the day. Until one day I asked why they did it that way. The mechanic replied, work slower, go faster.
The principle is true. Work slower, and a clean work space, less stress, etc may the job go easier and faster. Likewise more trust and less trying make life go faster... the results come quicker. More prayer, not less until the thoughts are clean, then the work goes faster and is more effective.
I don't have the answer because I am in the middle of discovering the fullness of this truth. The truth to Trust not Try. Somehow if the spiritual is rightly trusting with God, the physical works itself out. Somehow if I/we seek first the kingdom of God (which is spiritual and within us) then all these things (the physical) are added to me/us.
I know that we can trust that we have access to the Father because of the blood of Jesus Christ. I know that when we go to Him in prayer, trusting in that blood and nothing else. In our dirtiest state, or cleanest, trusting in the blood gives honor to Christ and His obedience. I trust that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. So I go to God, trusting He will speak the answer, show me the path, and display Himself as Provider/Provision in my life. I trust that once I understand Him as such, then He will start the process of showing me Himself as something complete different and expand the total vision I have of Him.
Beyond that I continue to trust and stop trying. Not because it is the latest spiritual fad, but because it is what He is telling me to do. He is saying "stop trying." Shortly I feel He will say "do this" and if He says do this or do that... then I will, trusting it is Him doing it through me. But until then I am going to rest in the freedom from the slavery of trying and my effort.
On the same subject from Hudson Taylor, "Here, I feel, is the secret; not asking how I am to get sap out of the Vine into myself, but remembering that Jesus is the Vine - the root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit, all indeed. I have not got to make myself a branch. The Lord Jesus tells me I am a branch. I am part of Him and I have just to believe it and act upon it. I have see it long enough in the Bible, but I believe it now as a living reality... I do not know how far I may be able to make myself intelligible about it, for there is nothing new or strange or wonderful -- and yet, all is new! In a word, whereas once I was blind, now I see... I am dead and buried with Christ - - aye, and risen too and ascended... God reckons me so,and tells me to reckon myself so. He knows best... Oh, the joy of seeing the truth - - I do pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ."
Conclusion - - Trying is our effort, trusting is God's effort... anything in between is lukewarm and as worthless as trying. When we trust God we do, we do not try.... when we trust God we do because it is Christ in us doing.
John 5:19, "Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner."
I have discovered that the recent posts on love are spiritually provocative, and a little bit controversial. On one level pure, perfect, agape love represents the unattainable. And because it is unattainable, then perhaps these discussions are pointless. Perhaps it is too difficult a task for any individual to look in the mirror and honestly say to themselves I can never achieve perfect agape love. But reality is this is the very thing that needs to happen. Until we can look in the mirror and say that very thing we will never experience it.
T Austin Sparks wrote in 1927, "...it is necessary to settle it once and for all that we, in ourselves, will never be overcomers, and that opens the way for the whole of this theme and its reality of meaning to come from the Lord to us. There is only one Overcomer in the universe, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and if there are ever any other overcomers, they will not be others at all, they will simply be the extension of His overcoming — the expansion of His victory." Until we can admit this truth to ourselves I fail to see how we can ever overcome the arrogance of our ego to truly love. (Please understand that I use self, ego, and flesh interchangeably and believe them to be the same inner man referred to in scripture.) In admitting our weakness, acknowledging Christ strength, then God's perfect love can begin to work in us. Leading to the second point.
Obedience to God is what makes the "act" of love perfect. But how can we obey when the voice is still and the vision is as in a mirror dimly? Jesus did it with a perfect connection to God. He did and said what the Father did and said. Hear the words of Christ, "the Son can do nothing of Himself." Even the love shown by Jesus was not His own, but belonged to the father. So what then of this obedience? Is obedience the barrier that prevents us from loving?
I think not. This is one of the many paradoxes of life. God loves us, so that we can love others, so that God can love us again, and so that we can love others. The relationship is critical, but the acts of love become a reflection of what we see the Father to be. The perfect acts of love are God's light shining through us in His act of first love. So the spiritual reality is that obedience is not a limiting factor because we can only reflect what we see. We can only obey what we hear, and it is God's responsibility to speak as much as we have responsibility to hear. Bringing us to the final component or point.
Without faith it is impossible to please God. Because we see poorly, if at all, and because we hear poorly, if at all... we must have faith to fill the gap. The spiritual "thought" has to be seasoned with faith inorder to become an act of love. We love in faithful obedience knowing that even if not a perfect act of love, God will cause it all to work together for good.
Lets jump to the practical. If we will approach life with the attitude of being in relationship to God, then we will find the opportunities to be a refection of His love. This does not have to be done a church, on the mission field, or in any other "institution" of Christianity. This can, and is to be done, right where you are. How about the Boss who takes the file clerk to lunch and just listens to them? Or the file clerk who on the way home throws a quarter into the beggar's cup? These can be practical acts of love triggered by God's tug on the heart. To yield to that tug is the faith that makes the act love. The act can be anything, and in any direction. I am reminded of a story I heard about Abraham Lincoln. It was of an old lady making him cry with her gift of cookies. He was used to people coming to his office wanting something. This woman just wanted to bring him some cookies. The tears were obviously an acknowledgment of the love.
Last I will share this. My mom text-ed me the other day that she wanted to pay my phone bill. This was absolutely an act of God's agape love. Not because it is my mom. Not because it met a need. It was an act of God's love because she did not know the bill was not paid, and hours from being cut off. This was God saying to me... I love you and your quest to discover Me as both provision and Provider will not go unanswered. Equally, had she know those facts, I would not have received it as love, but rather her attempt to fix the situation. I'm not looking for my situation to be fixed. I am looking for God's love, so that I can love, and be loved again... continuously by God.
Who can you show the love of Christ to today?
If you need love, or prayer, please feel free to contact me.
1 Corinthians 13:8-10, "Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect (love) comes, the partial will be done away."
I was baptized catholic, grew up going to a Methodists church while attending a Church of Christ elementary school. Only to be switched to an Assembly of God church and a Catholic High school. Later, as an adult, attended various non-denominational churches, a post denominational church, to where I am now. I have attended over 3000 services, and spent 2 years in ministry school. I have read my bible cover to cover multiple times. I would like to believe that I have experienced all that religion has to offer from the systematic to the charismatic. I have attended faith services, repentance services, bible churches, revival services, deliverance conferences, pretty much all that I care to. Unlike many of my predecessors I don't condemn any congregation for specializing or focusing on one area. In fact, to this day I maintain relationships with people I met along the way -- all the way back to that Church of Christ Elementary School and everywhere in between. Good, godly individuals to whom anyone could emulate and achieve heaven.
All that training, teaching, learning, seeking... and still I only occasionally touch true pure agape love. That extra special, unconditional love completely lacking in any selfish motivation like with Mr. Unlovable. Why is this? 1 John 4:19 says, "We love, because He first loved us." Perhaps I have not truly tasted God's love and therefore incapable of giving it to its fullness.
I can't help but wonder if the last 30 years of Christianity for me were spent with too much majoring on the minor and minoring on the major. Why haven't I studied this unconditional love? After all, according to scripture it is the highest gift. Reality is all those things build to love. Unconditional love is somehow accomplished on the backside of all the minor lessons. And more importantly I appears to be found, like God, at the very end of ourselves. Only in this death of ego have I ever experienced this true agape love.
This all reminds me a paraplegic paper salesman that back in my rich days would benefit from me giving him $100 a week. Then one week I didn't have any cash on me, and I saw him feebly trying to sell papers once again from his wheelchair. In my heart I felt like I was supposed to talk to him. Reluctantly I parked and made my way to the middle of the 8 lanes of traffic. Not knowing what to say I decided to try and help him sell papers. 30 minutes or more passed, and I didn't sell a paper. So I asked the paper salesman his name.
His name is Julius. Curious, I asked how he ended up in the wheelchair. He explained that he was shot in the neck in a drug deal gone bad. Concerned about how he gets by I asked how does the sell the papers, because business seemed bad.
It was then he explained that he only sells on that side of the street until 10:00am and then move to the other side where it is much better. I asked why until 10am. He said about once a week a guy comes buy and gives him $100 and he needs to be there cause it's his lucky spot. I told him I was the guy. He could not thank me enough. I felt embarrassed. I only gave him the money in obedience to the compassion God was putting on my heart. So I told him, don't thank me, thank God... He's the one who told me to do it.
Agape love - - God loves Julius enough to send him provision. God loves me enough to send me out there to get the whole story, to experience the unconditional love. How do I find this love everyday? How do I be this love everyday? Isn't that what God wants us all to be?
Isaiah 30:23, "Then He will give you rain for the seed which you will sow in the ground, and bread from the yield of the ground, and it will be rich and plenteous; on that day your livestock will graze in a roomy pasture."
On the way to church this Sunday I was noticing just how dry everything is. How my neighbors' yard have dead spots even though they are all mostly irrigated. On the roadsides the grass is brown. Stock tanks in the pastures are drying up. So I prayed. I said, "God, I don't know if this drought is your plan or not. But I do know that what you have intrusted me with needs rain. If you will not bring rain to the whole area, will you please bring a thunderstorm to my land?" Pretty simple, heart felt prayer.
As I drove on something triggered a super cool way for churches to raise money, and I spent a lot of time thinking and planing on that over the rest of the afternoon. But as I walked to my barn to put the horses up for the evening I looked up and noticed a rather small dark cloud. I remembered my prayer that morning, and I started praying again. I prayed, "Father, in the name of Jesus I command that cloud to give it's water to my land." Crack, the thunder started. So I prayed some more. I began to pray that the land, the livestock, my family, and my children needed the rain. I prayed for the cloud to not move until it had blessed my land. Over and over different things, different needs, were coming out in the prayer. All done while I cleaned stalls.
In my heart I knew the prayer was dual purpose. After all, in the Bible rain is representative of the Holy Spirit and God's presence. So as I was praying for physical rain, I knew that I was simultaneously praying for spiritual rain. I concluded with telling the clouds, "bless my land in the name of Jesus. Bless it with all the water in you." Crazy I know... but guess what? It started raining.
So I stood on my front porch in awe, wondering how many people's prayers were being answered. I continued watching the rain and began mouthing a song. Jamie came out and asked what I was saying. I told her, "yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord."
Say what you want, but those rain drops brought reassurance from heaven for me. Reassurance that He does hear my prayers. That those prayers do have an impact on my life. At the same time they brought a longing for more opportunities to pray. They made me miss the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times I've gotten to pray for others and see God work in their lives. I missed praying for the sick and seeing God make them well. So if you would like to scratch this itch of mine to pray for others. Feel free to send your prayer request to jeffyuna@gmail.com. In the meantime enjoy the professional version of what I was singing on my porch in the middle of the rain.
Psalms 37:25, "I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendant begging bread."
Do you need cash? I know that I do. But I am going to take a rather unconventional path to it. For a few months now I have been in the middle of this exercise to discover God as both Provider and Provision. In it I have learned so much. I've discovered it gets worse before it gets better. Or at least that is the hope because I have not seen the better yet. Oh I have seen it in closeness to God, but not in terms of dollars and cents. I have discovered the insanity of sanity, though I am waiting to see the sanity of insanity. And as always, I have thought, I have prayed, I have sought counsel. I have done all that I know to do in preparation for what is about to come.
You see, I don't believe in testing God. Yet at the same time I do believe His word. And I do believe that if I stand on it, then I will see it fulfilled. That is how I saw Him cure blindness through me for the first time. It was believing His word that I saw the lame walk. Faith in His word, and I have seen my prayers answered to see cancer go, hearts healed, and the symptoms of stroke disappear. Why? Because I set out to prove His word in my life. I figured if God said He heals through prayer, then I was going to see it. I went to the hospitals and anywhere else I could to find the sick and see them healed. The healing is real and I have seen a ton of my prayers answered in this area. But the question remains, how can I expand this faith to operate in the area of finances as well.
I know that the Bible contains as many or more promises about finances for us than healing. Like Philippians 4:19, "and my God will supply all you needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus." Proverbs is full of them. Proverbs 3:16, 8:18, 10:4,15. How about Proverbs 10:22, "It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it." Psalms 37:19, "The will not be ashamed in the time of evil, and in the days of famine they will have abundance." On and on the Bible promises supply, abundance, needs met, etc. And yet, here on the first of the month so many of my obligations have fallen further behind. Guess the question is why?
Some have suggested to me that I should be tithing (giving). And to be truthful I give what I can . Before the demise of my business I had tithed religiously and given even more. Over the first 15-17 years of my adult lifetime I gave away hundreds of thousands of dollars. So those seeds are out there. Additionally, when $3.5MM in net worth evaporated and cash bleed out like Niagara Falls, I didn't see any money coming back my way. So with all my heart I don't believe my issue is an issue of giving.
My own thought have been, why won't God bless the work of my hand? I work, and work hard. Being in the mortgage business I manage to find loans. Closing them in a timely fashion and creating a regular stream of cash flow is another issue. 3 times I have been in the top producers for some of the largest mortgage banks in America. 5 times the company I worked for failed. It is not about work ethic. It is about mission. I've discovered I have been on the wrong mission. This is my mission... Shameless surrender that some might know Christ more is the "work" that God wants to bless.
I was called to ministry at 15. Avoiding it has been a whole lot of pain. Embracing it has been a whole lot of pain too. But it's a good pain. Its the pain of death of old and the beauty of the resurrection of the knew. It is Romans 11:29 coming to life in me when it says, "for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable."
Others have suggested a curse. And yet Galatians 3:13 says, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us -- for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree." So its not a curse, Certainly could be the economy and a big fat dose of life. But doesn't faith in God transcend life? Doesn't faith defy the laws of physics, finance, economics, and all other earthly laws?
Up to this point I have survived by borrowing from friends and family on the promise of tomorrow. Always behind, always owing someone something. But today, on June 1, 2011 that ends. I have borrowed my last dime. It is not up to my friends and family to do this. I will not be a prodigal requesting an inheritance before its time. It is up to God to provide both His presence and my daily bread. Just like going to the hospitals to pray for the sick, I am going to put myself out in a place of no return... a place where God has to act. And I am not doing this to test Him. I am doing this because He is compelling me to do this. I am at the place that if the phones get turned off, then God wants them off. If the lights go off, then God wants them off. If absolutely nothing comes in and I can't pay the first priority of child support... then go ahead and jail me because its what God wants. Take my house? You can have it, because I am trusting God to provide.
And this concept is really not unique. I have a friend Russell who years ago was in the exact same position. He told his dad about it and his Dad bailed him out with $11K. He told me that taking the money was one of the biggest mistakes he ever made. That it only delayed the inevitable which was a complete and total trust for God. Short version of a long story, a while later he was $28K in the hole, the bank was going to take his house. On the very day of foreclosure God provided a miracle. Another inspiration is Jim, my faith coach. He left a $500K/year job to simply love on people. He does not advertise, he does not have an office, he does NOT CHARGE. And yet today God provides him with "exactly what he needs." So they were my confirmation that this desire inside of me is a godly one.
This is not to say that I will not continue to work, because I am. I am not going to sit on my porch drinking Dr Pepper and eating chips waiting on a check to arrive like I am on God's welfare system. And even though so much of how God provides to His ministers is through touching the hearts of people, this minister is not going around begging bread.
All around me this message is being confirmed like what I read from Oswald Chambers today. He said, "A man's obedience is to what he sees to be a need; Our Lord's obedience was to do the will of the Father. The cry today is - 'We must get some work to do...' We have to see first of all that God's needs in us personally are met... The purpose of this (lesson) is to get us rightly related to the needs of God. When God's needs in us have been met, then He will open the way for us to realize His needs elsewhere." And as I believe open the way for our needs to be met as well.
So what changes today? For me, it is my heart. In Jesus name I am going to be as steadfast to this commitment as I was to break my nicotine addiction. Mathew 11:12 says, "... the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." My hearts commitment to this is militant. My heart is to take this on and take it by force if I must.
Beyond this militant heart to capture what God is compelling me to do, I am also going to be open and honest about all that happens. Good, bad, or indifferent. The readers of this blog will see the lessons and miracles that come. If fact, I will start with this.
Since this is in essence about faith for finances I think that it's safe to have a measurement. I don't want to be too specific so I am have chosen an arbitrary numerical system to evaluate God's provision of daily bread. (money). Today, the running total is -25. So in the terms of provision I am in the hole, but God is going to show me the way out. So look for what I will call June 1 Updates at the end of subsequent posts.
Now let's see together what He does. In the mean time I am going to be militant in standing for this. "No" is not an answer. Discouragement is not an option. Advice is pointless. This is my Jacob moment where he wrestled with God in Genesis 32. So encouragement is always accepted because I am not letting go until He blesses me. Even if it leaves me crippled or dead.
I am not a pretender. I am not like the others. And that's why today's selection is the Foo Fighters. (Thanks for the inspiration Jim)The officers in their riot gear are the world, the discouragers, the unfaithful. They are those that rely on themselves, their intellect, and perceived skills. They are at work for Satan and don't even know it, but think they are doing good. First one comes and the intimidation doesn't work. Then more... still I can not be intimidated because I am not like the others. Finally the attack, only to be utterly destroyed by the blood of Jesus Christ. What side of the line are you going to be on? The real side, or the side of the pretender?
Genesis 22:14, "Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh; as it is said to this day, 'In the mount of the Lord it will be provided.'"
I have recently embarked on a journey to discover God as Jehovah-jireh, My Provider. And leave it to God to take a good, godly, spiritual desire and turn it into a lesson of a lifetime. Yes, as Christian we should be completely dependent upon Him for provision and everything else life entails. But I dare say few fully achieve the fullness of faith this concept entails.
My expectation going is was that needs would be met in a timely, predictable manner to the degree I could truly believe, or otherwise convince myself that God is my provider. And yet the experience in reality on the surface appears to be the exact opposite. After all, if I am believing and praying and trying to understand and have faith that God is my Provider, then how on earth could my income in April be $0?
Yep... $0.00 Doesn't God My Provider know I have a mortgage payment, lights, food, etc. How can a $0 month in anyway demonstrate God as a Provider. (ENTER MY FAITH COACH) His name is Jim. :-)
In a moment of being complete real I expressed my concern of this lesson. I expressed the frustration and the fear. And my faith coach (at least that what he is to me) said something to the effect, there is a distinction between Provider and Provision. God is your Provision. Wow! It can be said a thousand ways, but until you live it, a complete understanding is impossible. Some might say this as: look to the face of God not His hand. Or look at the Bless-er, not the bless-ing. Christ said it this way in Matthew 4:4. "...Man shall not live by bread alone, but by ever word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Here was Jesus, starving and yet He found God's word to be more than enough PROVISION even at the point of death by physical starvation.
At the end of the day my lights are on, there is food in the refrigerator, sure the mortgage is late, but they have not come to take my house. It is teaching, and I am learning that God is my provision. He is enough. And even more so, He confirms that this is a good lesson, and that I am on the right path. Unfortunately for her, my wife Jamie has to walk it with me, even though we did not purposefully set out to do this together. She too is frustrated and expresses it. Yet God in His way reminded her too that He is our provision in a miraculously independent way.
I can summarize the entire experience with this. The Provider is our Provision and the Provision is our Provider. Let the stress of life's bills go and relax in the provision of God's presence.
