Luke 16:10, "He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much..."
At this point, updating the 611 of my life is not really something I "want" to do, but purely an act of obedience.
It has been 2 full months since June 1st when I decided to completely surrender to God, and to trust Him as my Provider and my Provision. He continues to envelope me in His presence daily, to hug me with His arms of love, and to speak to me heart. His loving relationship to me is truly provision and all I need to exists.
As Provider I have seen Him continue to move, and to increase. In June there was $300 of miraculous provision. In July there was $2300 in miraculous provision. The running total continues to climb as my real job continues to suffer. The deficit on my arbitrary scale is down to -29. Still moving the wrong direction but again God's movement as Provider is trending upward.
Jim, my provision coach, sent me a text the other day after I told him about a $600 blessing. It said, "He who is faithful in very little things it faithful also in much." Funny as it may sound, that whole scripture changed meanings for me in the context of coming from him. I know Jim, and he was not saying to be faithful going forward. He was saying faithfulness was rewarded. I have always been taught that the faithful in the little things would be to spend the $600 appropriately. That I needed to be faithful with the money. But somehow that text was a statement that God had just paid me for my obedience in ministry. It was as if God was saying, your blog and the little act of obedience it represents has produced this. Said another way, it was the "things being added" to the seeking first the kingdom of God.
To explain this in yet another way for understanding. If Jesus is the vine and I am the branch, then this branch is budding. From budding, there will come a flowering, from the flower comes the fruit. The bud, flower, and fruit are God's riches in glory. The $300 in June and the $2400 in July are God supplying my needs according to His riches in glory.
Galatians 5:1, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery."
My faith coach, Jim Spivey, really got my juices flowing this morning with his blog. It was a presentation of law v. faith or trying v. trusting. Something very near to my heart at the moment as I "try" to trust God fully. In the blog a quote really hit me. Not as much for it's content as it is from Watchman Nee who I am currently reading.
Nee says, "We have spoken of trying and trusting, and the difference between the two. Believe me, it is the difference between hell and heaven."
Jim says, "Nothing real and lasting is ever accomplished or secured through 'trying,' because 'trying' is grounded in 'not having,' and 'not having' consciousness cannot leave or transform itself, even in the 'getting.' The experience will stay stuck in 'not having' or 'not deserving,' regardless of the physical circumstances. Only 'already having, but not sure how' (i.e. trusting) consciousness can invite and experience a 'shift' into clearly knowing and appreciating how, whether physically getting or not."
Interpretation - - God says in Psalms 50:10, "For every beast of the forest is Mine, the cattle on a thousand hills." God has everything we need physically and spiritually. We have to trust we have it too. We have to trust our need is met because the provision is already there.
So Jim and Watchman Nee, and others, drawl this line between trying and trusting. It is a black and white subject with no mention of grey. And yet I mentioned that I was "trying" to trust. What of trying to trust? And what of trusting God to bless the trying?
We know that in the realm of Christianity there are those that "try" to be Christians. At church and in public they pretend momentarily and act the way that a Christian "should." Yet at home and in private are far different. We see occasionally someone who appears to be fully trusting in their salvation. Free and living for Christ without guilt. But I think most perhaps may fall in between.
When I say that I am "trying" to trust God, the effort is not coming from the trust. The effort is in the crucifying everything within me that will not trust. And in fact it is not me causing the death... it really is God and the only effort I am making is NOT picking up ME again. The effort is to not to succumb to the slight emotional pain and vast life experience. This is something that in the spiritual context is readily understandable. But I want to look at it in the practical world. In the physical world of need.
All around me are people saying "start trying" to provide more for your family and "trust" God to bless that effort. Is this an option in the black and white world of try or trust?
I am reminded of a go-karting lesson. My son raced go-karts on a competitive basis nationally. He was on the same racing team as Danica Patrick. We would go to the races and I was his pit crew. Coming off the track I always made the adjustments to the kart before cleaning it. I wanted the race stuff done first, then the cosmetic could follow. While every other mechanic on the team would clean the kart first and then make adjustments. The results were I was always behind the other guys, and always filthy at the end of the day. Until one day I asked why they did it that way. The mechanic replied, work slower, go faster.
The principle is true. Work slower, and a clean work space, less stress, etc may the job go easier and faster. Likewise more trust and less trying make life go faster... the results come quicker. More prayer, not less until the thoughts are clean, then the work goes faster and is more effective.
I don't have the answer because I am in the middle of discovering the fullness of this truth. The truth to Trust not Try. Somehow if the spiritual is rightly trusting with God, the physical works itself out. Somehow if I/we seek first the kingdom of God (which is spiritual and within us) then all these things (the physical) are added to me/us.
I know that we can trust that we have access to the Father because of the blood of Jesus Christ. I know that when we go to Him in prayer, trusting in that blood and nothing else. In our dirtiest state, or cleanest, trusting in the blood gives honor to Christ and His obedience. I trust that NOTHING can separate me from the love of God. So I go to God, trusting He will speak the answer, show me the path, and display Himself as Provider/Provision in my life. I trust that once I understand Him as such, then He will start the process of showing me Himself as something complete different and expand the total vision I have of Him.
Beyond that I continue to trust and stop trying. Not because it is the latest spiritual fad, but because it is what He is telling me to do. He is saying "stop trying." Shortly I feel He will say "do this" and if He says do this or do that... then I will, trusting it is Him doing it through me. But until then I am going to rest in the freedom from the slavery of trying and my effort.
On the same subject from Hudson Taylor, "Here, I feel, is the secret; not asking how I am to get sap out of the Vine into myself, but remembering that Jesus is the Vine - the root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit, all indeed. I have not got to make myself a branch. The Lord Jesus tells me I am a branch. I am part of Him and I have just to believe it and act upon it. I have see it long enough in the Bible, but I believe it now as a living reality... I do not know how far I may be able to make myself intelligible about it, for there is nothing new or strange or wonderful -- and yet, all is new! In a word, whereas once I was blind, now I see... I am dead and buried with Christ - - aye, and risen too and ascended... God reckons me so,and tells me to reckon myself so. He knows best... Oh, the joy of seeing the truth - - I do pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ."
Conclusion - - Trying is our effort, trusting is God's effort... anything in between is lukewarm and as worthless as trying. When we trust God we do, we do not try.... when we trust God we do because it is Christ in us doing.
1 Timothy 5:18, "For the scripture says, 'You shall not muzzle the ox while he is threshing,' and 'The laborer is worthy of his wages.'"
My wife and I just finished a discussion concerning my work effort and ability to provide for our family. The assessment is rather dismal, and though she appreciates the spiritual journey I am on, the practical side of life is bearing down with its burden. Do I continue to put the time into people and this blog, or do I reallocate that resource into finding a more promising career, or pursuing mortgages?
For me there is no other answer than to continue the spiritual journey. For Jamie it's time to fish or cut bait. It's a tough call for me. My wife is my number one ministry on this earth, so unless God can independently convince her (again) that I am doing the right thing. That this journey is His plan, along with the temporary discomfort of diminished resources, and is the absolute best for us both. If God does not confirm this for Jamie, then my only choice is to seek the unity of our relationship and change course. I think to deviate now will prolong the agony, but one thing is for sure, God can make it all work together for good. In fact, God has to make it all work together for good either way I go.
All of which begs the question, how do you get paid to minister? After all, if you're a full-time minister shouldn't God pay you for the work? In fact, how did Jesus get paid?
We know that there were certainly donations made to Jesus and the disciples. We see that in the disciples thinking the perfume used to anoint Him should have been sold so that they could have more to give to the poor. We know at the second feeding of the multitudes that there was savings in their possession equivalent to 10 months worth of wages because they considered buying the food. We know that Jesus owned a house, because when they tore the roof off it to lower the paralytic man "Jesus was at home." We also know that when they had no money and needed it there was a silver coin found in a fish's mouth. But beyond that we have to assume that people gave Him and the disciples offerings.
We know that Paul made tents on the side for income, but we also know that churches supported his ministry by sending him offerings.
In modern day it seems that to get paid in ministry, the minister creates some sort of vehicle (non-profit) to collect the money. Often a church, but sometimes there is a para-church organization using projects to entice the giving in hopes there is some portion to go to financial support. The modern Evangelist, and now Apostle travel from church to church preaching for love offerings. But what are the other possibilities? Where is the creative miracle God is so famous for?
My friend Jim ministers to people one on one all day. He tells them all that he does not charge and is 100% dependent on God. And those same people and more contribute to him and his ministry in whatever way that can. So much so that the collective offering meets ALL his needs EVERY month. Jim's example to me is the closest I have seen to God's direct provision. Everything else has a business aspect to it.
I have been intimately involved with a few para-church organizations and fund raising has always been a problem and therefore a priority. The time, energy, and effort spent to raise money so that the ministry can be done is significantly more that the time spent in ministry. This should not be? So what happens is the business of ministry is developed, the patterns that create monetary success are defined, and creativity, flexibility, and obedience to the Holy Spirit are stifled. This stifling kills, and I see people everyday confused and wounded by the "business" of ministry.
God has a plan for me and the ministry He's called me too. I don't know what it is, but I know there's a plan. For Paul & Kristen that plan is a bed and breakfast retreat. But what is His plan for me?
It is this not knowing that in part drives me a little crazy. I can come up with hundreds of ideas of how to combine a non-church business with ministry. Say for example a coffee shop. After all, there is a lot of talking/consoling/ministry that goes on in coffee shops now. But what is God's plan? I know that it is not to create a church. But what?
If there is a plan at all, I think I will discover when I reach the point where I stop planning and only listen for His plan to come. And this is a spot I am very near to. I also think that I will hear the plan when I can be open to all possibilities, even possibilities I have never imagined.
At the same time I spend a lot of time illuminating what God is doing in others. Perhaps one of you has the illumination that I need. The statement of the obvious that I am missing.
Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."
I had every intention of not posting today as I thought that I had nothing to say. The past 24 hours has been a lot of wallowing in self pity. Not on the outside, but certainly on the inside.
Yesterday I took my son to the beach. We had an awesome time. He rode the boogie board, the skim board, did a little fishing, dug a hole... was just a boy. It was nice too because my brother-in-law was there along with my nephew. But the whole ride there my son talked, which is very usual. He asked me where to catch all manner of fish. He shared is most recent snow ski trip with his mom and her family. All good stuff, but it all was eating at me. It was making me sad that there was once a day when I could have shown him the world and more. When a ten thousand dollar vacation was literally nothing. I didn't want to talk about catching wahoo, I wanted to take him to catch one.
At the beach my brother-in-law unintentionally added to my sense of inadequacy by occasionally mentioning the beach house I once had. Which made me think of the boats I had, and all the awesome things I used to do. Like fishing offshore almost every weekend of the summer. I really missed being unhindered by money, and more I felt inadequate that I could not give my 7 year old son those experiences. So I used all of this to justify complaints in my spirit. To say to God, look! Look at me, at what I've lost. Look at my suffering because I no longer have a platinum American Express. Why me and not them?
And then I get smacked in the head this morning with a lesson on gratitude. Crazy, but God demands gratitude in all circumstances. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6:8, "If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content." And I have so much more than that to be grateful for... wonderful kids, the most incredible wife, family that loves me and who I love. Sure there are no boats or vacation homes. But there remains plenty of good times to share and things to be grateful for. For that matter there remain many victories in the past where God showed up and did incredible things. If I'm going to look back, that is what I should be looking at.
After all, even David looked back. Before defeating Goliath David looked back and reminded himself that God was with him when he killed a lion and a bear. At Ziglag he looked back and reminded himself of the other victories God had brought. So even though looking back can be dangerous, it can also be inspiring. I think will spend some time looking back at what God has done, and not what has been lost.
The really stupid part is that if I had not bought boats, beach houses, $10K vacations and used my Platinum Amex like a drunken sailor I would be just fine today.
Isaiah 30:23, "Then He will give you rain for the seed which you will sow in the ground, and bread from the yield of the ground, and it will be rich and plenteous; on that day your livestock will graze in a roomy pasture."
On the way to church this Sunday I was noticing just how dry everything is. How my neighbors' yard have dead spots even though they are all mostly irrigated. On the roadsides the grass is brown. Stock tanks in the pastures are drying up. So I prayed. I said, "God, I don't know if this drought is your plan or not. But I do know that what you have intrusted me with needs rain. If you will not bring rain to the whole area, will you please bring a thunderstorm to my land?" Pretty simple, heart felt prayer.
As I drove on something triggered a super cool way for churches to raise money, and I spent a lot of time thinking and planing on that over the rest of the afternoon. But as I walked to my barn to put the horses up for the evening I looked up and noticed a rather small dark cloud. I remembered my prayer that morning, and I started praying again. I prayed, "Father, in the name of Jesus I command that cloud to give it's water to my land." Crack, the thunder started. So I prayed some more. I began to pray that the land, the livestock, my family, and my children needed the rain. I prayed for the cloud to not move until it had blessed my land. Over and over different things, different needs, were coming out in the prayer. All done while I cleaned stalls.
In my heart I knew the prayer was dual purpose. After all, in the Bible rain is representative of the Holy Spirit and God's presence. So as I was praying for physical rain, I knew that I was simultaneously praying for spiritual rain. I concluded with telling the clouds, "bless my land in the name of Jesus. Bless it with all the water in you." Crazy I know... but guess what? It started raining.
So I stood on my front porch in awe, wondering how many people's prayers were being answered. I continued watching the rain and began mouthing a song. Jamie came out and asked what I was saying. I told her, "yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord."
Say what you want, but those rain drops brought reassurance from heaven for me. Reassurance that He does hear my prayers. That those prayers do have an impact on my life. At the same time they brought a longing for more opportunities to pray. They made me miss the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times I've gotten to pray for others and see God work in their lives. I missed praying for the sick and seeing God make them well. So if you would like to scratch this itch of mine to pray for others. Feel free to send your prayer request to jeffyuna@gmail.com. In the meantime enjoy the professional version of what I was singing on my porch in the middle of the rain.
Psalms 37:25, "I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendant begging bread."
Do you need cash? I know that I do. But I am going to take a rather unconventional path to it. For a few months now I have been in the middle of this exercise to discover God as both Provider and Provision. In it I have learned so much. I've discovered it gets worse before it gets better. Or at least that is the hope because I have not seen the better yet. Oh I have seen it in closeness to God, but not in terms of dollars and cents. I have discovered the insanity of sanity, though I am waiting to see the sanity of insanity. And as always, I have thought, I have prayed, I have sought counsel. I have done all that I know to do in preparation for what is about to come.
You see, I don't believe in testing God. Yet at the same time I do believe His word. And I do believe that if I stand on it, then I will see it fulfilled. That is how I saw Him cure blindness through me for the first time. It was believing His word that I saw the lame walk. Faith in His word, and I have seen my prayers answered to see cancer go, hearts healed, and the symptoms of stroke disappear. Why? Because I set out to prove His word in my life. I figured if God said He heals through prayer, then I was going to see it. I went to the hospitals and anywhere else I could to find the sick and see them healed. The healing is real and I have seen a ton of my prayers answered in this area. But the question remains, how can I expand this faith to operate in the area of finances as well.
I know that the Bible contains as many or more promises about finances for us than healing. Like Philippians 4:19, "and my God will supply all you needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus." Proverbs is full of them. Proverbs 3:16, 8:18, 10:4,15. How about Proverbs 10:22, "It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it." Psalms 37:19, "The will not be ashamed in the time of evil, and in the days of famine they will have abundance." On and on the Bible promises supply, abundance, needs met, etc. And yet, here on the first of the month so many of my obligations have fallen further behind. Guess the question is why?
Some have suggested to me that I should be tithing (giving). And to be truthful I give what I can . Before the demise of my business I had tithed religiously and given even more. Over the first 15-17 years of my adult lifetime I gave away hundreds of thousands of dollars. So those seeds are out there. Additionally, when $3.5MM in net worth evaporated and cash bleed out like Niagara Falls, I didn't see any money coming back my way. So with all my heart I don't believe my issue is an issue of giving.
My own thought have been, why won't God bless the work of my hand? I work, and work hard. Being in the mortgage business I manage to find loans. Closing them in a timely fashion and creating a regular stream of cash flow is another issue. 3 times I have been in the top producers for some of the largest mortgage banks in America. 5 times the company I worked for failed. It is not about work ethic. It is about mission. I've discovered I have been on the wrong mission. This is my mission... Shameless surrender that some might know Christ more is the "work" that God wants to bless.
I was called to ministry at 15. Avoiding it has been a whole lot of pain. Embracing it has been a whole lot of pain too. But it's a good pain. Its the pain of death of old and the beauty of the resurrection of the knew. It is Romans 11:29 coming to life in me when it says, "for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable."
Others have suggested a curse. And yet Galatians 3:13 says, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us -- for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree." So its not a curse, Certainly could be the economy and a big fat dose of life. But doesn't faith in God transcend life? Doesn't faith defy the laws of physics, finance, economics, and all other earthly laws?
Up to this point I have survived by borrowing from friends and family on the promise of tomorrow. Always behind, always owing someone something. But today, on June 1, 2011 that ends. I have borrowed my last dime. It is not up to my friends and family to do this. I will not be a prodigal requesting an inheritance before its time. It is up to God to provide both His presence and my daily bread. Just like going to the hospitals to pray for the sick, I am going to put myself out in a place of no return... a place where God has to act. And I am not doing this to test Him. I am doing this because He is compelling me to do this. I am at the place that if the phones get turned off, then God wants them off. If the lights go off, then God wants them off. If absolutely nothing comes in and I can't pay the first priority of child support... then go ahead and jail me because its what God wants. Take my house? You can have it, because I am trusting God to provide.
And this concept is really not unique. I have a friend Russell who years ago was in the exact same position. He told his dad about it and his Dad bailed him out with $11K. He told me that taking the money was one of the biggest mistakes he ever made. That it only delayed the inevitable which was a complete and total trust for God. Short version of a long story, a while later he was $28K in the hole, the bank was going to take his house. On the very day of foreclosure God provided a miracle. Another inspiration is Jim, my faith coach. He left a $500K/year job to simply love on people. He does not advertise, he does not have an office, he does NOT CHARGE. And yet today God provides him with "exactly what he needs." So they were my confirmation that this desire inside of me is a godly one.
This is not to say that I will not continue to work, because I am. I am not going to sit on my porch drinking Dr Pepper and eating chips waiting on a check to arrive like I am on God's welfare system. And even though so much of how God provides to His ministers is through touching the hearts of people, this minister is not going around begging bread.
All around me this message is being confirmed like what I read from Oswald Chambers today. He said, "A man's obedience is to what he sees to be a need; Our Lord's obedience was to do the will of the Father. The cry today is - 'We must get some work to do...' We have to see first of all that God's needs in us personally are met... The purpose of this (lesson) is to get us rightly related to the needs of God. When God's needs in us have been met, then He will open the way for us to realize His needs elsewhere." And as I believe open the way for our needs to be met as well.
So what changes today? For me, it is my heart. In Jesus name I am going to be as steadfast to this commitment as I was to break my nicotine addiction. Mathew 11:12 says, "... the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force." My hearts commitment to this is militant. My heart is to take this on and take it by force if I must.
Beyond this militant heart to capture what God is compelling me to do, I am also going to be open and honest about all that happens. Good, bad, or indifferent. The readers of this blog will see the lessons and miracles that come. If fact, I will start with this.
Since this is in essence about faith for finances I think that it's safe to have a measurement. I don't want to be too specific so I am have chosen an arbitrary numerical system to evaluate God's provision of daily bread. (money). Today, the running total is -25. So in the terms of provision I am in the hole, but God is going to show me the way out. So look for what I will call June 1 Updates at the end of subsequent posts.
Now let's see together what He does. In the mean time I am going to be militant in standing for this. "No" is not an answer. Discouragement is not an option. Advice is pointless. This is my Jacob moment where he wrestled with God in Genesis 32. So encouragement is always accepted because I am not letting go until He blesses me. Even if it leaves me crippled or dead.
I am not a pretender. I am not like the others. And that's why today's selection is the Foo Fighters. (Thanks for the inspiration Jim)The officers in their riot gear are the world, the discouragers, the unfaithful. They are those that rely on themselves, their intellect, and perceived skills. They are at work for Satan and don't even know it, but think they are doing good. First one comes and the intimidation doesn't work. Then more... still I can not be intimidated because I am not like the others. Finally the attack, only to be utterly destroyed by the blood of Jesus Christ. What side of the line are you going to be on? The real side, or the side of the pretender?
Genesis 22:14, "Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh; as it is said to this day, 'In the mount of the Lord it will be provided.'"
I have recently embarked on a journey to discover God as Jehovah-jireh, My Provider. And leave it to God to take a good, godly, spiritual desire and turn it into a lesson of a lifetime. Yes, as Christian we should be completely dependent upon Him for provision and everything else life entails. But I dare say few fully achieve the fullness of faith this concept entails.
My expectation going is was that needs would be met in a timely, predictable manner to the degree I could truly believe, or otherwise convince myself that God is my provider. And yet the experience in reality on the surface appears to be the exact opposite. After all, if I am believing and praying and trying to understand and have faith that God is my Provider, then how on earth could my income in April be $0?
Yep... $0.00 Doesn't God My Provider know I have a mortgage payment, lights, food, etc. How can a $0 month in anyway demonstrate God as a Provider. (ENTER MY FAITH COACH) His name is Jim. :-)
In a moment of being complete real I expressed my concern of this lesson. I expressed the frustration and the fear. And my faith coach (at least that what he is to me) said something to the effect, there is a distinction between Provider and Provision. God is your Provision. Wow! It can be said a thousand ways, but until you live it, a complete understanding is impossible. Some might say this as: look to the face of God not His hand. Or look at the Bless-er, not the bless-ing. Christ said it this way in Matthew 4:4. "...Man shall not live by bread alone, but by ever word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Here was Jesus, starving and yet He found God's word to be more than enough PROVISION even at the point of death by physical starvation.
At the end of the day my lights are on, there is food in the refrigerator, sure the mortgage is late, but they have not come to take my house. It is teaching, and I am learning that God is my provision. He is enough. And even more so, He confirms that this is a good lesson, and that I am on the right path. Unfortunately for her, my wife Jamie has to walk it with me, even though we did not purposefully set out to do this together. She too is frustrated and expresses it. Yet God in His way reminded her too that He is our provision in a miraculously independent way.
I can summarize the entire experience with this. The Provider is our Provision and the Provision is our Provider. Let the stress of life's bills go and relax in the provision of God's presence.
