Insatiable

Contentment - Tanielle

Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."

Learning to be content in the presence of an insatiable appetite for more has to be my primary struggle. Oh from time to time I am able to turn that appetite to God, and have an insatiable hunger for more of Him. But more often than not it is just plain discontent with present circumstances.

Sometimes that discontent is related to the pain of the situation, other times that discontent is related to wanting more of whatever good is happening.

Take work for example. Here I come and grind out 40 hours a week. I punch the clock at 9:00am. Leave for lunch at noon, and punch out for the day at 6:00pm. About an hour or two of that day is spent actually working... at least that's what it seems like. So here 3 weeks into the new job it appears I will be the top producer for the month. Good right? Favor right?

You would think, but for me it is a fight to not want more. If I can produce $1MM in loans in just a couple of hours, give me more leads and perhaps I can do $3MM or $4MM. And so I begin to not be thankful for what I have because I see the hypothetical of so much more. I loose contentment because instead of a slow crawl out of financial despair I can see a quick way out if circumstances would just cooperate.

It is in all of this that the Holy Spirit presents the opportunity to be content in current circumstances. After all, if there were not a seemingly better opportunity then how could one be "content" in current circumstances. So today presents the opportunity for contentment. Something far opposite of the striving the world and life has to offer. Polar opposite to "getting ahead" so that in a day of lack there is something to fall back on for that contentment.

Add to this yesterday's scripture from John 21. Peter asked Jesus, what about John? What are Your plans for him? To which Jesus basically says mind your own business and worry about yourself. And so I sit here, practicing His presence, trying to discover all the truth of being His child, and forcing myself to be content. Forcing myself not to compare my circumstances with those of anyone else. Content that everything the day holds is masterfully crafted for me by my Father. I choose to be content in the truth I am exactly where God wants me.

Looking back can be dangerous

Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."

I had every intention of not posting today as I thought that I had nothing to say. The past 24 hours has been a lot of wallowing in self pity. Not on the outside, but certainly on the inside.

Yesterday I took my son to the beach. We had an awesome time. He rode the boogie board, the skim board, did a little fishing, dug a hole... was just a boy. It was nice too because my brother-in-law was there along with my nephew. But the whole ride there my son talked, which is very usual. He asked me where to catch all manner of fish. He shared is most recent snow ski trip with his mom and her family. All good stuff, but it all was eating at me. It was making me sad that there was once a day when I could have shown him the world and more. When a ten thousand dollar vacation was literally nothing. I didn't want to talk about catching wahoo, I wanted to take him to catch one.

At the beach my brother-in-law unintentionally added to my sense of inadequacy by occasionally mentioning the beach house I once had. Which made me think of the boats I had, and all the awesome things I used to do. Like fishing offshore almost every weekend of the summer. I really missed being unhindered by money, and more I felt inadequate that I could not give my 7 year old son those experiences. So I used all of this to justify complaints in my spirit. To say to God, look! Look at me, at what I've lost. Look at my suffering because I no longer have a platinum American Express. Why me and not them?

And then I get smacked in the head this morning with a lesson on gratitude. Crazy, but God demands gratitude in all circumstances. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6:8, "If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content." And I have so much more than that to be grateful for... wonderful kids, the most incredible wife, family that loves me and who I love. Sure there are no boats or vacation homes. But there remains plenty of good times to share and things to be grateful for. For that matter there remain many victories in the past where God showed up and did incredible things. If I'm going to look back, that is what I should be looking at.

After all, even David looked back. Before defeating Goliath David looked back and reminded himself that God was with him when he killed a lion and a bear. At Ziglag he looked back and reminded himself of the other victories God had brought. So even though looking back can be dangerous, it can also be inspiring. I think will spend some time looking back at what God has done, and not what has been lost.

The really stupid part is that if I had not bought boats, beach houses, $10K vacations and used my Platinum Amex like a drunken sailor I would be just fine today.