1 Corinthians 13:4, "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; does not brag and is not arrogant."
As I practice the presence of God becoming more aware of Christ who resides not only in me, but in those around me and beyond, I am filled with gratitude and understanding. Gratitude for Him allowing me to be a part of His life, and understanding the EVERYTHING belongs to Him. Nothing I have, or anyone else for that matter, belongs to anyone but Christ.
And yet in God's ever paradoxical way, as I become more and more grateful with each passing day, I also become more and more aware of my jealousy.
It makes sense that as God draws me closer to Himself that sin within my soul would become more visible. But this awareness of jealousy within me is really a very new thing.
To be clear, I am not jealous of stuff. On the contrary I am consciously jealous of my wife loving her daughter more than me, or at least have that perception. I am jealous of people I know who are now traveling the world ministering. I am jealous of the different roles that I see God allowing in others, but not allowing in me. If you know the story of Martha and Mary, I am Mary, enjoying the good part of the presence of Christ and I am jealous of Martha who is always doing for Christ. I am also jealous of people who are closer to my friends than me. Lots of things, most of which I can't remember while I sit here and write.
Yet in the end I am so grateful that Christ is allowing me to see these jealousies because they are wholly contrary to what He is about, which is love. And in allowing me to see them, he is also allowing them to die.
Funny... even as I confess my jealousies they fade in their stupidity, and I become more aware of my selfishness. Guess I will save those confessions for another day.
Draw close to God and He will draw close to You. His word promises it. But when you do, expect to have your character confronted. Be bold, confess your sin, tackle your sin for Jesus because it is what is standing in the way of that next step closer to Him.
Mark 9:5, "Peter said to Jesus, 'Rabbi, it is good for us to be here; let us make three tabernacles, one for You, and one for Moses, and one for Elijah."
Stage I of Practicing His presence for me is to look God straight in His eyes, forgetting His promises and just getting to that spiritual place where nothing matters but to be with Him. "Rest," He said. Meaning stop "doing," and enjoy My company. "Now" also becomes relevant in this stage. Nothing is important except right now, not yesterday nor tomorrow. What is God doing right now.
Oswald Chamber said this, and it applies here. "We have to learn that our individual effort for God is an impertinence(an intrusion on God, not co-operation); our individuality is to be rendered incandescent (Emitting of the light of Christ) by a personal relationship to God... We fix on the individual aspect of things; we have the vision - 'This is what God wants me to do;' but we have not got into God's stride. If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a big personal enlargement ahead."
Stage II of practicing His presence is to transition from that place of meeting with God, leaving, and coming back, but rather being AWARE that He is with Me always. It is marked with leaving Him behind from time to time and having to constantly return. This stage is also marked with a second rest realization. In the second rest revelation the question becomes, God what are WE going to do today? Not, God what am I supposed to do today? It is the realization that we do everything together with God.
Stage III of practicing His presence is the transition from God is WITH me to God is IN me. In this stage I am aware He is in me and the scripture calling us the temple of the Holy Spirit is made real in the revelation. Unlike the conscious leaving Christ behind in stage II, the leaving Him behind is not as easy and behavior comes under a new scrutiny. But with that scrutiny there is also a new sense of power. God's power inside and the faith it is.
Stage IV of practicing His presence is what I am going to call inexplicable gratitude. I am still working on defining the stage as a whole, but let me share an experience I just had at my barn.
As I was filling the horses buckets with water, in my spirit I just practiced His presence. I didn't need to know where Christ was, I knew He was inside me. I just made the conscious decision to be aware of that. In an instance my first thought was thank you Jesus for filling the water buckets with me. It was then I saw the truth. The truth was He was filling the buckets and I was with Him -- so humbling and so beautiful, and something worthy of inexplicable gratitude. "Thank you Jesus for allowing me to be with You while You fill the buckets... Thank you for allowing me to see what You are doing. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy Your horses. Thank you for letting me enjoy Your home." In this gratitude there is the revelation that it is all His.
Another example happened yesterday. I was again at the barn and as I went to move the horse from the pasture to the barn. Looking at the barn I saw a glimpse in my spirit of a barn three times bigger. Call it imagination, call it a vision, call it anything you would like. But understand I was conscious of some point in the future a barn three times bigger is a possibility.
How do I know it was three time bigger? Because it is what I have planned since moving here. The difference this time is that this image was accompanied with revelation. This time it was not me looking and seeing a bigger barn. This time is was Christ in me, showing me what He sees. And in that moment there was nothing but gratitude. Not gratitude for a barn, but for seeing what Christ sees. I said, "Thank you Father for Your vision. Whether a bigger barn ever stands there is irrelevant. But my vision is Your vision." In this new sense of gratitude I am beginning to see the revelation of God doing beyond anything we can think or ask. It was a revelation of God giving us the desires of our heart.
This is not a formula. There is no need to try to create this outside of practicing His presence. There is no need to declare my barn sacred as it being someplace that God showed up to give me a vision. It is simply being in relationship with God. Don't make the mistake Peter made and think that it is setting up a tabernacle, it is not. It is inside you.
One thing I can tell you... I cannot wait to see what Stage V is about. Woo hoo... hang on to your hats.
There has come this acute awareness of Christ being present with me all the time. I described it yesterday as a 24/7 experience where when I realize my spirit has drifted from its consciousness of Him; that I can immediate return to the previous state. The state of being in the presence of God, enjoying His company.
And it was in that company, as I walked from my barn to my house, that He conveyed this to me. The Holy Spirit communicated that I was getting pretty good at being aware Christ is "with me." It is now time to work on being aware that Christ is "in" me.
We are all objectively aware that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, but the truth of that statement had never really hit me before. In fact, I don't think understanding it in revelation, or experience, was even possible without this first being aware Chris is with me in everything. But to take the awareness from Christ with me, to Christ in me, invites a whole new set of issues.
It was much easier to practice the presence of God with the idea that Jesus is next to me, or in the same room. It is still easy to practice His presence seeing with spiritual eyes Him in someone else. But "in" me. That involves not leaving Him places. In me means that I can no longer say, "Jesus, wait here, I have something to do... I be right back." In me means that I can no longer say, "hope you didn't hear that" to an outburst at any of Houston's horrible drivers. The implications are huge. Aware that He is in me? Kind of a frightening thought when considered on the level that it also means sin awareness. That I am admitting to myself, He is completely aware of my complete heart. (A truth already) But to be aware He is inside me is to forsake the powerful tool of denial.
But the truth is the truth. He is already in me. The only thing that changes is my awareness. And so, with a certain degree of reluctance I begin the journey of becoming aware He is in me. And with this revelation I realize that this part of us called spirit is more than just a connection to God, but it is in fact God, living inside of us... which necessitates making more room for Him.
