As I practice the presence of God becoming more aware of Christ who resides not only in me, but in those around me and beyond, I am filled with gratitude and understanding. Gratitude for Him allowing me to be a part of His life, and understanding the EVERYTHING belongs to Him. Nothing I have, or anyone else for that matter, belongs to anyone but Christ.
And yet in God's ever paradoxical way, as I become more and more grateful with each passing day, I also become more and more aware of my jealousy.
It makes sense that as God draws me closer to Himself that sin within my soul would become more visible. But this awareness of jealousy within me is really a very new thing.
To be clear, I am not jealous of stuff. On the contrary I am consciously jealous of my wife loving her daughter more than me, or at least have that perception. I am jealous of people I know who are now traveling the world ministering. I am jealous of the different roles that I see God allowing in others, but not allowing in me. If you know the story of Martha and Mary, I am Mary, enjoying the good part of the presence of Christ and I am jealous of Martha who is always doing for Christ. I am also jealous of people who are closer to my friends than me. Lots of things, most of which I can't remember while I sit here and write.
Yet in the end I am so grateful that Christ is allowing me to see these jealousies because they are wholly contrary to what He is about, which is love. And in allowing me to see them, he is also allowing them to die.
Funny... even as I confess my jealousies they fade in their stupidity, and I become more aware of my selfishness. Guess I will save those confessions for another day.
Draw close to God and He will draw close to You. His word promises it. But when you do, expect to have your character confronted. Be bold, confess your sin, tackle your sin for Jesus because it is what is standing in the way of that next step closer to Him.
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