I Don't Trust Myself

1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body."

A few weeks back a reminder popped up on my calender. It was a birthday for an old girlfriend. In kindness, and against the tug on my heart to not do it, I shot off a quick Happy Birthday. In God's infinite wisdom he allowed my wife to find that sent e-mail, and it set off some pretty serious discussion.

Frankly I thought no harm to foul. The woman has been dealt a pretty ugly hand in life, and in my ever present compassion for the down trodden I thought I was doing something nice. The other side of the argument was basically that I was playing with fire.

Having left my better half unconvinced I took up the issue at my men's meeting. Surely among those 12 brothers there would be support... NOT! Deeper I defended myself. I have never violated the sanctity of marriage, and I am proud of that. I am so proud of it that it has created an feeling of invincibility within myself that I am impervious to seduction or wandering. Sensing this, or something else, my friend Gary said, "I don't trust you, and your wife shouldn't trust you... you are full of it." Or something to that effect.

Even in that I left with an internal assurance of guilelessness. My motives were not impure. At least that's the way I felt until Sunday.

A few weeks back our church was hit with a sexual scandal in the youth ministry. Bad enough, but on Sunday I found out that one of my favorite associate pastors resigned for what appears to be an affair with a married woman. Oh my I thought. If he could do that, then what am I capable of? 
 
I get it Gary... we, none of us, are trustworthy in compormising positions with the opposite sex. Burkas and beatings are not the answer, but God clearly tells us to run when this kind of trouble comes. It is this "appearance of evil" that we must avoid. i.e. Herman Cain

What is especially sad about the whole situation is here was a pastor capable of out preaching our Senior Pastor. The man, like me, was a victim of infidelity. And yet, as a single man he fell to temptation, and participated in the very thing he hates.

As for me, no more playing with fire; even in the purest of love for my wife and purest intentions for the other person. There are boundaries that we just don't cross and I thank my wife for holding me accountable to that.

Bad Attitude

2 Corinthians 10:5, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

I had a bad attitude all thanksgiving weekend starting on Friday. No matter how I tried to take my thoughts captive it just was not working.

It started for me on Friday morning. There were a couple things I wanted to do, and a thousand that needed to be done, but most, particularly the ones I wanted to do required money. And so my mind started down this path of self-pity. Here was a long weekend, beautiful weather, and I had no money to do anything fun. Or should I say no money to satisfy my craving to spend. And nothing would shake it. Going to my barn I saw a pasture that needs to be seeded with Rye grass, and no money to do it. Walking back I see a house that needs painted, and no money to do it. On and on my mind tortured me. I sit to watch TV and what comes on between football games? How about the Worlds 5 Biggest Yachts. From there my mind goes to days gone by when I owned a boat and spent thousands fishing offshore. Poor pitiful me.

To add insult to injury I took it out on everyone around me. Simple request were met with the harshest of attitudes. If I could not do something I wanted to, then I wanted to do nothing at all.

How about the thoughts of even hating the time off. I went through memories of operating a business and remembering holiday wrecking profitability. Think about it. If a company makes a 10% profit that means only the last 2 days of a working month make money. Take a couple of those days away and you end up with no profit. So for a while I wished I was at work with the opportunity to make some money.

Deep in this toilet of desire my mind swirled. All the while seeing those close to be pilining on and pulling the handle to flush that toilet.

I tried to "practice His presence," but it all led me to looking to His hand, which in my opinion was empty. It felt like I was going to be left to picking up crumbs around the table and never seeing the hand full of provision again.

And yet the Holy Spirit was working constantly to "snap me out of it." My daughter Sarah sat to tell me that I was the only one who saw me as inadequate. That she nor any of my family measures me in terms of dollars and cents. Awesome in hindsight, but of little help in the moment.

The Holy Spirit convicted with T Austin-Sparks as I read, He said, "You and I are going to face God sometime. We are going to come face to face with God literally in eternity and then the question is going to arise, has God at any point failed us? Shall we be able, on any detail, to say, "Lord, You failed me, You were not true to Your word"? Such a position is unthinkable, that ever any being should be able to lay a charge like that at God's door, to have any question as to God's truth, reality, and faithfulness. The Holy Spirit has been sent as the Spirit of truth to guide us into all the truth, so that there shall be no shadow whatever between God and ourselves as to His absolute faithfulness, His truth to Himself, and to all His word. The Holy Spirit has come for that. If that is true, then the Holy Spirit will deal with all disciples in the School of Christ to undercut everything that is not true, that is not genuine, to make every such disciple to stand upon a foundation which can abide before God in the day of His absolute and utter vindication. "

Oswald Chambers was equally used with "If you want to know the power of God (that is, the resurrection life of Jesus) in your human flesh, you must dwell on the tragedy of God. Break away from your personal concern over your own spiritual condition, and with a completely open spirit consider the tragedy of God. Instantly the power of God will be in you. "Look to Me. . ." (Isaiah 45:22). Pay attention to the external Source and the internal power will be there. We lose power because we don’t focus on the right thing. The effect of the Cross is salvation, sanctification, healing, etc., but we are not to preach any of these. We are to preach "Jesus Christ and Him crucified"

Finally, after days of dwelling in myself my awareness of His presence, and Him being in control returned. Perhaps on the next long weekend I will appreciate the extra time to chill with Him instead of worrying about all the ways I can waste it on myself. 


But until then... this video is how I felt. And unlike San Quentin in this video. My mind was taken hostage and the Holy Spirit did arrange its release.

It's About Us... Not Them

Matthew 25:34-36, “The the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave  Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.”

After Thanksgiving the holidays led me to a place of self-pity and anger.  The Holy Spirit trying to convict me out of my mood, but it took a call from my daughter asking from some advice, to finally move me past the mood.

It seems she had encountered a woman in the park the other day. She was tidy and put together, but out of place. Sitting on a bench reading a book she was accompanied by a dog and a suitcase. It made Katherine wonder. Why would she be reading a book, walking a dog, and have a suitcase? Then a day or two later she took a different direction home from work, and once again encountered this lady. Again with her dog and suitcase my daughter could not help but respond to the curiosity inside her. She asked the lady if she was homeless.

Sure enough she was, and with a tragic story like most have. The woman has a college degree and relied on some type of licensing for her income while she spent 8 years caring for an elderly dying mother. At some point she woke up with a shrinking income, detached from the workforce, making too much money for government aid, but not enough to find a place in New York. I will leave the whole story for Katherine to tell, but she ended up homeless.

The shelters won’t take her in because she has a dog. She won’t give up the dog because it’s elderly and they would just euthanize it. So she somehow manages an existence on the streets of New York City having long sense had her dignity stripped from her.

Katherine wanted to know what she could do. She asked if she should write her story, publish it on the internet, and solicit help from other… what she wondered? I told her yes to it all. Follow the Holy Spirit. But no more dogs!!!

My daughter like us all can be moved by the compassion, and it is so natural to want to do something to better the person’s situation. In fact we should try to better the situation if it is within our means. That is a command of the Bible, but this is not the point of the encounter. None of us are rich enough to solve poverty. None of us in our ability can meet the true needs of those we encounter. We have to simply be obedient to what we hear. And more importantly have to understand that it is not about them. It is about us.

What was the common thread of the scripture reference? They are all acts done to Him. Jesus says, I was…  and you did it to Me. The act is secondary to the encounter with Christ. These encounters with Christ in someone who is in need is there so that we can overcome fear, prejudice, offense. They are there to act as if money, power, and time are not our gods. They are an opportunity to live the relationship with Christ that our lable of Christianity claims.

I have said this before and it so totally applies here. God hides the keys to His Kingdom in the people that most offend us. Get past the offense and discover the key. A key that opens treasures in heaven.

Get it? I hang out with people like Robert not because I am the answer to their problems. I hang out with them because they are the answer to mine. Hidden in them is a Jesus I need to know.

We are not there for them... they are there for us as an opportunity to encounter Him.

Thanksgiving - For Parents



Genesis 3:16, "...In pain you will bring forth children..."

At Iwo Jima (A men's meeting) this week I was given the blessing of having a father share his pain, fears, frustration, and love as he has entered his adult son into rehab for the second time. In the process he stumbled upon a journal from his son's first visit to rehab some three years ago. As he opened it, unsure of it's contents he read his son's first experience with 12 steps. Without going too deep it should suffice to say that this son wrote how his father was his number one problem with life. In detail he listed the times that his father had failed him. With a mix of sadness, anger, and frustration the father askes the rethorical question, "Why do our children remember vividly every mistake we make while we are alive, and remember only the fond memories when we are gone?"

Reality is that we do that with many of our relationships in life. The ex-boyfriend who was the frog is suddenly remembered as prince charming. The ex-boss is suddenly a saint in relation to the new boss. But why do we do that?

Jim Spivey says it is because of the curse. (Gen 3:14-19) The result being "in toil... all the days of your life." It is as if life fights against us for as long as we are here. That the blindness is not revealed until the object is gone.

Well I don't want to participate in the blindness any more.

To both my parents I want to say that I am thankful for you. Dad you are a great example of Christ. We have had our share of disagreements, but I choose today to remember and be thankful for all the good.

Mom you too are a great example of Christ though wholely different from Dad. I love you and am thankful God chose you to be my mom inspite of the fact that our relationship can be overly taxing at times.

I am thankful that I had parents who were concerned for my well being. Who desired for me to do well in school and sports because they loved me and wanted to see me successfully survive and thrive in life. I am thankful for parents who never missed a game or event. I am thankful for parents willing to argue with my stupidity and listen to my open thoughts.

Thank you Mom & Dad for never giving up, for always being there, and for your constant prayers.
Most of all thank you for your love. Though it did not always yield the best results, I know that you always gave me all you have, and your best.

Thank you for being you, and for loving me. You both are worthly of my thankgiving today.
　

21 Thanksgivings Ago

Proverbs 31:29, "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."

This scripture makes me think of both my daughters. Each has done well. But today I just want to celebrate Katherine as 21 years ago she was born on a Thanksgiving Day.

She gave us quite a fright being six weeks early. She gave us hell with her OCD childhood, and needing bows on her shoes to not only be the right size but to match perfectly. Who can forget her screams because the lines in her socks were bothering her. It was classic Katherine to be kicked out of ski school for her unmanageablity. I will never forget nearly wrecking my car when she informed me what kissing led to. She has tested patience as I felt like the schools computer had me on a daily call list to let me know she missed another class. But it has all worked out perfectly even in the midst of those occasional challenges.

Katherine, I am so proud of you. Proud that you actually listened to me when I said, "do as I say, not as I do." I'm proud of you for living life with no regrets. For seizing every opportunity that does not compromise your integrity with yourself or God. And I am so happy that you are celebrating 21 years of life albeit too far away and without me.

I love you! Have a Happy Birthday.

Resisting Death

James 4:7, "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

1 Peter 5:8-10, "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

On my commute home yesterday I was listening to Michael Savage on the radio. Truly a talented man who can talk without a partner for two or three hours and keep an audience interested. That is really the marvel for me. As for a person, all I know is that he is a Jew by birth and perhaps spiritual on some level, but by no means a Christian. I say this not to judge, but more to set up a reason to have my heart guarded concerning what he teaches.

So in the segment that caught my attention he was being critical of people who "embrace death." That somehow they were sub-human or inferior. He further asserted his position of avoiding death and fighting it at all costs.

So this got me thinking, which for me is really nothing more than prayer and questioning of the Christ that lives inside of me. Is "Death" something to be fought? Certainly we fight it and resist it, but is it God's plan for this resistance? Is the death that Michael Savage is referring to the same death as in death, burial, and resurrection provided by taking up the cross daily? If we as individual's are called to turn the proverbial other cheek, are we as a community, or even a nation required to collectively do the same thing?

It is here that I both agree, and disagree with Michael Savage. God allows nations to exists. And in such He also allows the protection of a nation's boarders. Therefore it is a responsibility of a nation to protect it's borders, to allow for the individual within those boarders to have certain liberties. Likewise states have certain responsibilities to protect the liberties of people within their boarders, and this responsibility follows the subdivision of the boarders all the way down to the home. All in the protection of liberties.

Now here is where is gets almost ironic. One primary liberty that deserves protection is the liberty to choose spiritual life and death within one's self. The liberty to be a fallible human walking always in the results of original sin with the ever present choice and knowledge of good and evil. Our founding fathers would call this concept freedom of religion.

The point is this. Death has a lot of connotations. The death that we all should embrace is synonymous with surrender. It is a death of the dross within us. It is further followed by the resurrection of Christ in the place where death occurs. The death that must be fought, that must be resisted is the death brought by evil. It is a death of liberty. Oh it includes physical death as well, and a host of other dying concepts. But in the end there is a good death, and an evil death. The good death must be embrace and the evil death resisted.

Surrender, don't die, is perhaps the way to understand it all simply. In surrender death leads to life. In death there is just death and no life at all. 

What I Miss Most About Being Rich

Job 1:21, "and he said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither, the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

Matthew 5:38-40, "You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."

2 Corinthians 11:23-28, "Are they servants of Christ?--I speak as if insane--I more so; in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches."

What I miss most about being rich is that I did not have to put up with a whole lot of crap. When you are rich it is easy to be the slaper instead of the slappee. Rich you can pay someone else to deal with the garbage. When you are rich you can afford the lawyers to educate and punish the ignorant. But alas I am no longer rich in finances. And in turn get to enjoy the presence of God, being rich in spirit and sharing in the experiences of Christ, Job, and Paul.

But if I were rich I could dwell on the injustice in life and plot my revenge. Alas I rely on my Father for vengeance is His.

Without Him I might dwell on the fact that I have been without regular pay since April. Without Him I could allow bitterness to consume me for being denied unemployment based on the lie of my previous employer. Without Him I could dwell on anger and go postal for my last check going from $1800 to $125 because of some crazy crap that I owed the employer something. Without Him frustration could lead to self-injury over the state arbitrarily raising my child support without a hearing or court order. Without Him and His constant presence I might loose my mind that my mortgage license has been help up for 45 days over some late payments on my credit report.

But alas, I have Him living and breathing inside of me. He enables me to bring those thoughts captive, to close my eyes, breath deep, rest in the awareness that I am in His arms, and that He is in control.

That is enough. Selah.

MAN'S WAY

CHRIST'S WAY