I had a bad attitude all thanksgiving weekend starting on Friday. No matter how I tried to take my thoughts captive it just was not working.
It started for me on Friday morning. There were a couple things I wanted to do, and a thousand that needed to be done, but most, particularly the ones I wanted to do required money. And so my mind started down this path of self-pity. Here was a long weekend, beautiful weather, and I had no money to do anything fun. Or should I say no money to satisfy my craving to spend. And nothing would shake it. Going to my barn I saw a pasture that needs to be seeded with Rye grass, and no money to do it. Walking back I see a house that needs painted, and no money to do it. On and on my mind tortured me. I sit to watch TV and what comes on between football games? How about the Worlds 5 Biggest Yachts. From there my mind goes to days gone by when I owned a boat and spent thousands fishing offshore. Poor pitiful me.
To add insult to injury I took it out on everyone around me. Simple request were met with the harshest of attitudes. If I could not do something I wanted to, then I wanted to do nothing at all.
How about the thoughts of even hating the time off. I went through memories of operating a business and remembering holiday wrecking profitability. Think about it. If a company makes a 10% profit that means only the last 2 days of a working month make money. Take a couple of those days away and you end up with no profit. So for a while I wished I was at work with the opportunity to make some money.
Deep in this toilet of desire my mind swirled. All the while seeing those close to be pilining on and pulling the handle to flush that toilet.
I tried to "practice His presence," but it all led me to looking to His hand, which in my opinion was empty. It felt like I was going to be left to picking up crumbs around the table and never seeing the hand full of provision again.
And yet the Holy Spirit was working constantly to "snap me out of it." My daughter Sarah sat to tell me that I was the only one who saw me as inadequate. That she nor any of my family measures me in terms of dollars and cents. Awesome in hindsight, but of little help in the moment.
The Holy Spirit convicted with T Austin-Sparks as I read, He said, "You and I are going to face God sometime. We are going to come face to face with God literally in eternity and then the question is going to arise, has God at any point failed us? Shall we be able, on any detail, to say, "Lord, You failed me, You were not true to Your word"? Such a position is unthinkable, that ever any being should be able to lay a charge like that at God's door, to have any question as to God's truth, reality, and faithfulness. The Holy Spirit has been sent as the Spirit of truth to guide us into all the truth, so that there shall be no shadow whatever between God and ourselves as to His absolute faithfulness, His truth to Himself, and to all His word. The Holy Spirit has come for that. If that is true, then the Holy Spirit will deal with all disciples in the School of Christ to undercut everything that is not true, that is not genuine, to make every such disciple to stand upon a foundation which can abide before God in the day of His absolute and utter vindication. "
Oswald Chambers was equally used with "If you want to know the power of God (that is, the resurrection life of Jesus) in your human flesh, you must dwell on the tragedy of God. Break away from your personal concern over your own spiritual condition, and with a completely open spirit consider the tragedy of God. Instantly the power of God will be in you. "Look to Me. . ." (Isaiah 45:22). Pay attention to the external Source and the internal power will be there. We lose power because we don’t focus on the right thing. The effect of the Cross is salvation, sanctification, healing, etc., but we are not to preach any of these. We are to preach "Jesus Christ and Him crucified"
Finally, after days of dwelling in myself my awareness of His presence, and Him being in control returned. Perhaps on the next long weekend I will appreciate the extra time to chill with Him instead of worrying about all the ways I can waste it on myself.
But until then... this video is how I felt. And unlike San Quentin in this video. My mind was taken hostage and the Holy Spirit did arrange its release.
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