Dying a Thousand Deaths

Luke 9:23, “And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.’”

Early on in my walk of Christianity I really struggled with this idea of taking up the cross at all, let alone daily. Now, having discovered it is the entrance to the Kingdom of God now, and not some distant point beyond death, it is taking on all new meanings.

For example, I was talking to my friend Jim the other day and sharing how I struggle with focusing on negative body language and harsh tone rather than hearing the person.  I want to know how to take a butt chewing, or at least a perceived butt chewing, and see into the heart and the truth of the conversation.  I desire to look past a person’s distain, or even disinterest, and be able to truly love that person in the godliest of way. And yet I am unable. Something stands in the way, or forces itself upon me to take the “look” or the “tone” personally. The scars of previous hurts, the inflated ego of thinking myself to be something I’m not, or just plain selfishness prevents me from achieving the same peace Jesus showed us in similar situations.

This is the daily cross. To be aware of something in the way, and to allow that same thing to be crucified… to die. Sometimes the pain is crucified on the cross with granting forgiveness to the offender. Sometimes the ego which is always inflated is painfully crushed and sacrificed in order to be closer to the Father. And even still other times the cross is simple surrender to the will of God, laying down my life. Not a physical life, just laying down the illusion I have created for the world to see and that I too often believe.

The cross is selfless love. The daily cross is dying a thousand deaths. John 15:13, “No greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”

The look, the tone, the insolence, the arrogance is not who they are… it’s not who I am. Father help me to see them as you see them. Help me to hear them as you hear them. And help me to continue to die the death of ego so that the complete otherness of your Son can shine through.

Shakespeare said, "Cowards die a thousand deaths. The valiant taste death but once." I think Jesus might disagree.