Proverbs 31: 10-31, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trust in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good not evil all the days of her life… she considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard… Give her the product of her hands, and her works praise her in the gates.”
I have really wrestled with this post. It is personal, it reveals a vulnerability I have, and on many levels embarrassing. Yet as I sit here praying for God to give me a different subject to write about, all I hear is shameless surrender.
You see I pretty much suck with money. In fact the only time I ever really had extra was during an extended period of God blessing where I earned more than I could possibly spend. Don’t get me wrong. I have years of consistent tithing, I have a history of generosity to the poor and really anyone who asked. But I just have never been good with the expense side of the profit and loss. I, for some reason lack the foresight sometimes and spend what I have without regard for what might be due tomorrow or next week.
Enters... a new job. It is here that God instructs me to have my paycheck deposited to my wife’s account and allow her to disburse the funds. Simple enough and scripturally justifiable given that God said a good wife is in essence good with money.
All is going well up until the point that decisions have to be made about what to pay. Truthfully, her execution is flawless, simple, prudent, all things that should be if I were a good steward. Unfortunately her prudence means my Christmas shopping is left to a fixed budget. Her prudence means that I am left brown bagging my lunch until the next paycheck.
But it’s ok… I can live with that. After all God is teaching me. He is using my wife in steed of Himself so that I can learn all is His, and it's all about obedience all of the time. And so two days before Christmas I find myself short 2 gifts.
No problem, I text my wife I need an extra $170. After all, I know there is over $500 unallocated from my paycheck. Her response… no.
To be frank, up until about half way through this post I was angry. Now all I can do is cry at the wisdom. Her reasoning is that I had a budget, and I didn’t stick to it. I used some of the money for a headset for work, lunch, and some crap. Her reasoning is it’s my own fault. My reasoning is I worked hard, I earned the money, how dare she not give me what I earned.
In the end, sitting here in my work cubicle, crying… all the while hoping no one sees me, I am filled with God’s love. I see that her “no” is God’s no, and that she does me good. I see that the sinful anger comes from my failure to trust God and my wife that this is God’s plan.
So publicly I say sorry to my wife for getting angry, and to the people who may not get gifts, sorry to you as well. My irresponsibility in no way reflects the love that I have for you.
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