One Way

John 14:6, “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”

God has the funniest ways of bringing things to my thoughts. This morning I open a daily devotional e-mail from the Henri Nouwen Society. I have quoted him before in this blog, but what always amazes me is that he was a Catholic Priest, and the things he wrote do not seem Catholic at all. But in the end that doesn’t matter because there is only one way to the Father and that is through Jesus Christ.

For me I grew up attending a Church of Christ elementary school while on Sundays going to the Methodists church. In High School I went to a Catholic High School while going to an Assembly of God church. As an adult I have attended all manner of denominational services, but call a multi-denominational church home.

This is not to be confused with a Unitarian church that might embrace all forms of religion, but rather a church that understands the label on the outside is insignificant to Jesus being on the inside.

Henri Nouwen wrote, “The beginning of the spiritual life is often difficult not only because the powers which cause us to worry are so strong but also because the presence of God’s Spirit seems barely noticeable. 

If, however, we are faithful to our disciplines, a new hunger will make itself known. This new hunger is the first sign of God’s presence. When we remain attentive to this divine presence, we will be led always deeper into the kingdom. There, to our joyful surprise, we will discover that all things are being made new.”

This is what Christianity is about, the divine presence of God and going deeper into the kingdom. We get there with faithfulness to "our discipline." Henri could have said faithfulness to the Catholic faith, but didn't. I think this was the Holy Spirit's design.

And so thoughts of how people can get hung up on doctrine, denomination, worship style, dress, and so many other things superfluous to the true knowledge of God became foremost on my mind. And I am not here to in any way discourage any Christian denomination to declare my doctrine superior to yours. On the contrary I am here to support all who believe at their core Christ is the One Way.

That is probably why God allowed “Wimpy” to come chat with me at the gas pump this morning. And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, just that the guy looked like Wimpy from the cartoon Popeye. He was a balding, middle aged, round bellied man with a tie that was two feet short of being the correct length. He task… to proselytize me for the Jehovah’s Witnesses. We had a good 15 min conversation about his beliefs. In the end I agree with very little of their doctrine. But we did agree on one thing.

Jesus is the One Way. 

Bah Humbug

Philippians 1:21, “For me to live is Christ.”

I have had a really bad attitude for about the past 10 days. In that, I have had nothing pressing on me to write. Well, that is not true. Bah Humbug has been pressing on me, and my attempts to escape this post by ignoring it inside me has failed. After all, how can someone be inspired by my struggle with anger and complete distain from this tradition we call Christmas?

I have tried to blame the anger on not feeling well, and still having to address work, family, life. I have blamed the anger on memories of better times the idea of gift giving in mass conjures up. I blamed the anger and distain on the sea of humanity, swirling like a ball of sardines only to be picked off one by one by the predatorily fish posing as retail merchants. Even Christmas Eve service brought me disgust as the crowds of those who come only twice a year left our service with standing room only. How dare the world interfere with my preferred seating?

My anger has been visible to friends, family, and co-workers alike. It’s been a harsh tone, crumpled face, short replies. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I enjoy the time of family and fellowship? Why do I dwell on two broken marriages dispersing children amongst in-laws and ex-laws with the precision, coldness, and timing of a Shuttle launch? Why does this time of year make me think about my daughters living in different parts of the country, and how I may not get to spend time with my grandchildren like my parents have spent with theirs? It is madness. How crazy is it to let the thoughts ruin a day when those same daughters are not even married.

I was angry that there even was a budget for Christmas. Not that there was anything to buy, but just mad at the constraint. All of which caused to the dwell and blame the State of Texas for holding up my mortgage license. It caused me to blame Transunion for not updating my customer’s credit report so I could close a loan. The frustration inside me screams, just get out of the way. 

Christmas time… the holidays… is some internal trigger that I still don’t understand. And though the true cause eludes me, the effect is a complete disconnect from the awareness of Christ. The result is a prolonged period of not practicing His presence.

I think in the final self-analysis I would say that Christmas time, particularly lately, is a reminder of all that I have lost, given up, or been taken from me. It is a huge reminder that I am not in control. I have been distracted by life, and stopped living Christ. This is why the post has been so long coming, because I couldn’t see the forest from the trees. I couldn’t see that truth which is as Oswald Chambers stated, “There are areas of self-will in our lives where our pride pours contempt on the throne of God and says, “I won’t submit.” We deify our independence and self-will and call them by the wrong name. What God sees as stubborn weakness, we call strength. There are whole areas of our lives that have not yet been brought into submission, and this can only be done by this continuous conversion.”

Driving the point home was something T Austin Sparks wrote in reference to the scripture above. “After all, nine-tenths of all our troubles can be traced to the fact that we have other personal interests influencing us, governing us and controlling us - other aspects of life than Christ. If only it could be true that Christ had captured and captivated and mastered us, and become - yes, I will use the word - an obsession, a glorious obsession!

When it is like that, we are filled with joy. There are no regrets at having to "give up" things. We are filled with joy, filled with victory. There is no spirit of defeatism at all. It is the joy of a great triumph. It is the triumph of Christ over the life. Yes, it has been, and because it has been, it can be again. But this needs something more than just a kind of mental appraisement. We can so easily miss the point. We may admire the words, the ideas; we may fall to it as a beautiful presentation; but, oh, we need the captivating to wipe out our selves - our reputations, everything that is associated with us and our own glory - that the One who captivates may be the only One in view, the only One with a reputation, and we at His feet. This is the gospel, the good news - that when Christ really captivates, the kind of thing that is in this letter happens, it really happens.”

The bad attitude is passing with the Christmas Holiday. The presence of Christ is still there, and in a moment of silence, after a deep breath, turning into the Spirit within me I become fully aware He is there, and that He loves me. Perhaps in another twelve months the feelings will be the joy the holidays should have been this year. We shall have to wait and see. 

Money, money, money…. money

Proverbs 31: 10-31, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trust in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good not evil all the days of her life… she considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard… Give her the product of her hands, and her works praise her in the gates.”

I have really wrestled with this post. It is personal, it reveals a vulnerability I have, and on many levels embarrassing. Yet as I sit here praying for God to give me a different subject to write about, all I hear is shameless surrender.

You see I pretty much suck with money. In fact the only time I ever really had extra was during an extended period of God blessing where I earned more than I could possibly spend. Don’t get me wrong. I have years of consistent tithing, I have a history of generosity to the poor and really anyone who asked. But I just have never been good with the expense side of the profit and loss. I, for some reason lack the foresight sometimes and spend what I have without regard for what might be due tomorrow or next week.

Enters... a new job. It is here that God instructs me to have my paycheck deposited to my wife’s account and allow her to disburse the funds. Simple enough and scripturally justifiable given that God said a good wife is in essence good with money. 

All is going well up until the point that decisions have to be made about what to pay. Truthfully, her execution is flawless, simple, prudent, all things that should be if I were a good steward. Unfortunately her prudence means my Christmas shopping is left to a fixed budget. Her prudence means that I am left brown bagging my lunch until the next paycheck.

But it’s ok… I can live with that. After all God is teaching me. He is using my wife in steed of Himself so that I can learn all is His, and it's all about obedience all of the time. And so two days before Christmas I find myself short 2 gifts.

No problem, I text my wife I need an extra $170. After all, I know there is over $500 unallocated from my paycheck. Her response… no.

To be frank, up until about half way through this post I was angry. Now all I can do is cry at the wisdom. Her reasoning is that I had a budget, and I didn’t stick to it. I used some of the money for a headset for work, lunch, and some crap. Her reasoning is it’s my own fault. My reasoning is I worked hard, I earned the money, how dare she not give me what I earned.

In the end, sitting here in my work cubicle, crying… all the while hoping no one sees me, I am filled with God’s love. I see that her “no” is God’s no, and that she does me good. I see that the sinful anger comes from my failure to trust God and my wife that this is God’s plan.

So publicly I say sorry to my wife for getting angry, and to the people who may not get gifts, sorry to you as well. My irresponsibility in no way reflects the love that I have for you. 

Inspired

Colossians 3:23, “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,”

This week I was marveling at how God has brought me to this point in my work. It seems like April was just yesterday and my desperation to find a source of income outside the mortgage industry met nothing but brick wall after brick wall. In the search between then and October I applied to several hundred jobs. Interviewed with a ½ dozen companies for some fantastic opportunities. Filled time hocking credit card services, burning thousands in gas to earn hundreds of dollars. And yet I see how it all was in God’s infinite plan to get me to today.

My boss took me to lunch the other day, and asked why I picked this company to work for instead of so many others. I told him, “You would not believe me if I told you.”

He said, “Try me.”

I said, “When I hung up the phone with you the first time I felt like God told me to take the job. Nothing else mattered to me at that point.”

So he replied, “So you had a feeling?”

Guess you could put it that way.

Truthfully, in my own thought process I would not have taken this job if: one, I had not been exposed to the credit card service industry. Not a lot to explain there other than the environment with credit card services is similar to the environment I now work. And this mortgage environment is far different from any of my jobs to this point. Two, I would not have taken it unless God told me too. Again, the environment is nothing like I have ever worked in, and way outside my comfort zone. We work from cubicles and there is no privacy at all.

All of which leads me to the point of today’s blog. I come in, show up on time, don’t leave early very often, and never without permission. I work hard, and do what I say I’m going to do. Just what I would do if I were working for Jesus Himself. And low and behold, within two days, two other loan officers have come to me with compliments. Both saying that they trust me, both saying that they know I am not full of crap like some of our co-workers, and both saying that I have “inspired” them in their own efforts.

What a beautiful affirmation from God to let me know I am right where I am supposed to be. Here I though this blog and my books was the only ministry God had for me at this time. Little did I know that there were people watching, and that my work life is also part of that ministry.

Unto the Least

Matthew 25:40, "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'"

Yesterday I took a little time off to go see Jesus in the form of Robert, and give him his Christmas present. It's a new backpack containing some essentials for the urban explorer who operates on a completely different mental plane from the rest of the world. I trust he will follow my instructions and be a good boyscout when the time arises to put the tools to their full use. After all, incontinence is a horrible enemy when exploring the streets of Houston.

Robert was all smiles and must have shook my hand a dozen times. Me... I was so glad to be able to do it, to do something for a very real representation of the scripture above.

In parting Robert had to share with me some of his wisdom. He asked, "Do you know why mermaids wear sea shells?"

No, I replied.

"Because A-shells are too small and D-shells are too big."

God Bless you Robert Franklin.

Instead of music this morning, enjoy with me some of Robert's changing looks over the years.

Go Vertical

Matthew 25:35-36, “For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.”

For the past 2 days I have been suffering from a debilitating migraine headache. It began Sunday morning on the way to church with blurred vision, and what I would describe as holes in my vision. Arriving at church I was light headed, my fingers and lips had gone numb, and my hearing was super sensitive. From there the music began and it nearly made me vomit. Leaving after 2 songs all I wanted to do was sleep as the pain of the headache kicked in. It felt like I have slapped the right side of my head against the concrete at 50mph. Later it felt like someone had dropped an axe on my head from ear to ear. Monday the pain was dulled with Excedrin Migraine, Imetrex, and Advil. The last thing I wanted to do was get close to Jesus… or anyone else.

If life in the flesh, on earth as we know it, is functioning on a horizontal plane; and life in the spirit functioning in connection with God is on a vertical plane, then I certainly was 100% horizontal. As I come out of this travail, I can’t help but think about how I was not only; not aware of any connection to God, I was also unconcerned about any connections to God. This has got to be somehow in part the motivation when Christ spoke the scripture above. He knows that hunger, thirst, being lost in a strange place, needing clothes, being sick, or in prison can all be situations where the horizontal dominates the vertical. It’s up to us to intervene in the horizontal in these times and help those folks go vertical.

I could go on with some really silly analogies at this point, but let’s be clear. Going vertical is not walking around with your head in the spiritual clouds too good for most of mankind, and too good for the horizontal. That actually is a horizontal condition of being lost in a false ego of pseudo-spiritual greatness. Rather going vertical with God is being aware of how we can most impact the horizontal so that others can gain that awareness of Christ in their life. We must help to eliminate those things that can absolutely kill awareness of God for those close to us, or for those far away.

Feed the hungry, give water to the thirsty. Cloth the naked, visit the sick and those in prison… this will be accompanied with spiritual reward because in doing so for the least we have done it unto Him.

Three Sides to a Coin

Ephesians 6:12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” 

          

Heads, tails – good, bad—rich, poor – life, death —hot, cold -- God, devil…  are there only two choices in life? Is life even a choice? Why was I born a white male, in America, in the 21^st century? Why wasn’t I born in the Sudan, or Ethiopia, or perhaps a harsher more difficult time; like as native American in the year 1500?

The Lord giveth; and for a moment life comes up heads. The Lord taketh away; and for a moment life comes up tails.

Why are we born into a dying world? Why are we born to die? Why is death the default and life a struggle to live?

I have no clue about the answers why this is the way it is. Perhaps it has something to do with there is God, and there is everything that is not God. Kristin Abrahams asked on Facebook, “which is worse – being too hot or being too cold?” I think my answer will be… both. Cold is the absence of heat. There is an absolute zero, but to my knowledge there is a limitless amount of heat possible. So too much, or too little of a good thing is bad. Not only bad, but there are forces at work constantly using heat, or the lack of it to move us from the perfect temperature, and from Perfection. Not that we can be perfect, but to move us away from the One who is Perfect.

Life is not about heads or tails. God is neither in the heads or the tails. Life is about landing on the impossibility of the third side of the coin. Life is about landing on the impossible edge which is where the Perfect is met face to face. Heads may bring happiness; tails may bring sorrow… but the edge, that brings peace, joy, and all those things that accompany the presence of God.

It’s the devil, and Death, who try to constantly push us off that edge. They win if we land on heads or tails and don’t try to find our center in Christ. Allow the Holy Spirit to stand you on edge today.

Gird Up My Legs

Jude 1:24, “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy,”

Today I was privileged to hear how a Baptist flavored Pastor experienced the charismatic first hand.I say Baptist flavored because that is how he grew up, and though his church is not Baptist per se, or maybe it is I don’t know… he follows their thoughts on the “gifts of the Holy Spirit.” All well and good until he gets invited to a service of a different flavor this week.

I say flavor because our church services are as likely to take on the culture of the people as our home and office live’s do. This service was full of tongue talking, prophesying, praying, slain in the spirit stuff. For those that don’t know, most Baptist don’t accept speaking in tongues. I have never seen people prophecy in a Baptist service, and certainly no one has been slain in the spirit at one… at least not one I’ve seen.

So my friend goes to the service. I don’t believe with any expectations other than to go and observe. After all, he proclaims to have done the research on mass hypnotism, and the fake foolery that can go on in a service like this. But God had a different idea.

In the middle of the service the preacher comes to him to prophesy about his ministry. Funny… how did he even know he was a minister… but that’s a side point. Then at the end of the service the preacher pulls him out to prophesy again, and to pray for him.

On the floor he found himself. Unable to life anything but his head, but bathed in the love and presence of God. Crying, laughing, confounded he had randomly gone to a service to observe but left having met God face to face.

Here is what I found so profound, and what makes me want to jump up and down and say, “YES.” THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT WHEN I SAY PRACTICE THE PRESENCE OF GOD.

He said, “I have had the experience before, just never taken that path to get there.”

“I have had the experience before…” God used the service I am sure to confront his prejudice, but what is so critically important to me is the experience is not tied to the church, the preacher, the prayer. The experience is tied to GOD. And we have access to that experience 24/7.

Sharing the experience of being slain in the spirit is wonderful. But what is more important to God is that we experience Him outside of that, and that it be daily… even hourly… even moment by moment. Just yesterday I was so filled with God’s love and presence that I found myself weeping while driving to work. I have sat in this cubicle, in this office and experienced the same, wiping away tears from the joy of experiencing God and His love.

This is it… this is what I wish everyone would reach for. Not to be slain in the spirit, but to experience God is whatever path He has for you today. To experience Him as fully alone as you would if the holiest man alive were to pray for you.

It is the face of God that I seek. Seek it with me. Show me Your face God. Gird up my legs so that in Your presence I can stand.

It Takes Anything But Intelligence

James 4:8, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded."


I wrote on the subject of gnosticism before describing myself as an epignostic. (Ever increasing in experience) But this morning as I was praying for my daughters my thoughts were once again thrust into the subject.


Gnosticism being, as I understand it, the thought that a person can spiritually draw closer to God by intellectually learning more and more. Sounds pretty good if you are a smart guy, but what if you are average like me, or mentally challenged like my dear friend Robert. Does that mean we cannot get as close to God? Does it me we are any less aware of God? Does it mean the smarter you are the better you are?


And here is where my daughters came in. Both have dated smart, handsome young men. But from the perspective of a father I know the brains may someday provide physical support, but I want to see them with someone of character. Character shaped in relationship to God. Instead I have observed some spiritual intellectualizing that has been a justification for character and behavior I would not approve of. In other words... some times we are too smart for our own britches. We can be biblically book smart, but absent in the relationship that makes us experienced. 


We all do it. Myself among the worse of offenders. And though intelligence may help us to articulate an experience, it is not the experience. Though intelligence and a need to understand works well in moving up corporate and social ladders, it often stands as a hindrance to climbing the spirit ladder to heaven. In the end, our spiritual attainment is probably much more related to our love for God and desire to pursue him. In the interim we simply look like the pendulum drawing supplied to me by Jim Spivey.


We operate in this fleshly world of "intelligence," which is really nothing more that artificial intelligence. Artificial because it is normally based on lies. We walk through life in this schizophrenic stupor. At one end of the swing intelligently operating from a wounded self. In preservation our "intelligence" lets us see the boogie man around every corner looking to wound us again. Our intellect is there protecting us from a re-occurrence of the hurt or embarrassment.


On the other swing of the artificial intelligence our over inflated ego argues its self defense. We declare ourselves something, which in the eyes of God, we are truly not. But we are smart, and our smartness keeps us in this horizontal plane. Connected to God our swinging momentum of intelligently defending a self image and avoiding replays of the past keep us constantly pulling away from God. 


Surrender as described so many times in my blog works is to allow God to help you stop swinging. It is then He draws us closer to him. 


Look at the diagram. The pendulum can swing wildly the further from the point of attachment. (God) As the pendulum gets closer to God, (the string gets shorter) the swinging by the very nature of the attachment slows in it's degree of variation. Getting closer to God allows us to not react so violently to wounds. Getting closer to God allows us to not defend a false and inflated image of ourselves. 


See the relationship? Getting closer creates the effect. Not vice versa.


Draw close to Him and everything else will take care of itself. 

Be Your Own Priest

1 Peter 2:5, “you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”

“Be your own priest…” doesn’t that sound like the lead in to a late night infomercial? Can you hear the announcer? For three easy payments of $99.95 plus shipping and handling you too can be your own priest… all from the comfort of home.

On a serious note, this is a notion that has been hanging with me for days. As I walk through life growing in Christ and His revelation inside me I see Solomon’s wisdom in that all is futility. Or, specifically, he said; all is vanity. (Ecclesiastes 1:1) Somehow everything we do and say that is not in absolute obedience to the Father is worthless as it has been contaminated with man’s wisdom and desires. If I quote a scripture from my head for a person’s need without consideration of the Father’s will; then it is worthless even though it was once a thought of God. In this case it is my thinking and not God’s thought in the moment. And so all effort runs this risk of being no spiritual benefit.

And if all effort risks being of no spiritual benefit, then why risk effort at all?

Follow me here as many of the recent blogs are coming together in one larger lesson.

Some in life experience hardship. In this hardship is presented an opportunity to surrender and trust in God. The opportunity to be tested, and to be shaped are presented. Likewise the person who in life experiences comfort is presented with the very same opportunities. To one life comes up heads, to the other life comes up tails… all for the same purpose. It is God who chooses in His infinite love which is best for us in the moment. It is the Lord that giveth and taketh away. It was the same God who feed the five thousand that also allowed the storm on the sea. And as a result of this realization that there is no good apart from God, and there is no bad from a God Who always acts in Love, then there is an overwhelming despair for us and our efforts. If God is in control, and our obedience to what we think He wants us to do is no more likely to change life’s circumstance than doing nothing at all, then what is the point?

The point is that all these attempts to influence something far outside of our control are designed to lead us to the one who is in control. Likewise, the realization that “all is vanity” similarly causes the spiritually minded to understand that they have nothing to offer another in the way of spirituality. My lessons, though they can be an inspiration, are not the answers to your problems. Therefore my role as a minister is what?

My role is to encourage you to be a minister. Not to be a minister to someone else, but to BE YOUR OWN PRIEST.

Life is complex when attempting to live it horizontally… bouncing between emotion, intellectual understanding, peer influence, and the general battle with Satan & sin. Conversely life is simple when living focused on Jesus and denying all those other things to be faith minded, staring to heaven and not moving without hearing His voice, or seeing His act. To get there we have to become a Priest and access the holy of holies. We have to individually reach out to and become aware of Christ inside us. This is my call. This is your call. To be a Priest… your own priest practicing a living, breathing relationship with Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the Father.

Clean Heart

Psalms 51:10, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

The very first thing to pop into my brain this morning was this scripture.

Rather than go into some lengthy explanation and personal meaning and experience it creates for me as an individual I will simply ask that you dare pray this for you own life today.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God,and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Thinking Out Loud - Flesh v. Spirit

Philippians 4:12, "I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need."

As we read this scripture from Paul it indicates a certain level of detachment from fleshly desire. Perhaps it is even a more modern version of what Job said when he pointed out that "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." But just where is the line in the striving to "provide for a family," and offensive, distracting, fleshly greed?

These thoughts come from the strangest of places. For whatever reason God has given me a host of ministry friends. I have friends on staff or formerly on staff at churches of all sizes. I know Pastor's of churches of all sizes, including multimillion dollar ministries, and I can say this. With the exception of the multimillion dollar ministers there is a general expression of dissatisfaction with the church. There is the ever present question of is this right? Is there something better? Is this the way God intended it? All generally experiencing some level of dissatisfaction.

On the other hand are the mega-ministers I know. They in no way express dissatisfaction. In fact, they are all giving ministries; pouring out millions back into the lost and dying world. And so who is right? Or is it even a question of right or wrong? Are the dissatisfied closer to God and the satisfied quenching greed?

Is the dissatisfaction of the humble means related in jealousy to the satisfaction of the abundant means? On a personal level am I wrong from going to work, working as absolutely as hard as I can to make as much money as I can? Or did God give me the job for some other purpose?

If God gave me the job, would it be better to take off to talk with and minister to the homeless, or do the work set before me in the office? Would it be better to be praying for the sick in the hospital or trying to take another mortgage application? I know the answer... but do you?

 Should we encourage others to follow God (without judgment) or assign and promote "godly" task.

For me the answer is simple. Following the answer not so simple, but knowing the answer is simple. The answer is to obey God. When He tells me to work... I am going to work with all my might. When He tells me to minister... I am going to connect to His spirit and obey as best I can in word and deed. And that is where the thought ends.

It ends at the place of obedience. If Christ, in personal relationship, is leading you to a place that is prosperous, then our character should not despise this place. Likewise if in obedience we follow the same command of Christ to a place of humble means, then we should not despise this either. Simply obey and in all things trust God.

Stagnation

John7:38, “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’”

Once again Iwo Jima (a men’s meeting) inspired me with men who are not only seeking God with their whole heart, but finding Him new every morning. I look at my life over the past couple of weeks and time and time again I have been sucked into the pursuit of money, when I know full and well that God first wants me to practice His presence in this mundane world of mine. More than just being aware He is in me, God is pulling me to this place of not only learning what it is to be His son, but to actually be that.

So here I am, realizing that I have stagnated. Not fully, but enough to be uncomfortable… How does this occur?

In short, by being focused on the flesh and not the spirit can cause spiritual awareness to stagnant.

Every morning I wake up and take 4 pills. These pills help me feel “normal.” If I skip my thyroid medication I feel bad. Same goes for the blood pressure medicine. And if I don’t feel good I can easily be distracted with the flesh not feeling good. From there it becomes an exercise to connect to the spirit. Same goes with work. Not only can work disconnect me from spiritual awareness, changes in my routine do as well. Having transitioned from working at home to an office job my routine has been dramatically altered. Where I used to listen to worship, I have found myself listening to talk radio. Where I once would spend time reading, I am spending it in a car getting to and fro.

The flesh and the spirit are wholly in opposition to one another, and unfortunately the spirit is gentle and selfless whereas the flesh is selfish and violent. To achieve the balance of greater spiritual awareness with enough fleshly concern to survive planet earth can be a precarious dance at times. For me, in this awareness of stagnation I am going to first adjust routine because it is routine that has been most effected as of late. Already the Christ inside me is coming more alive as I forsook talk radio this morning for worship and prayer.

In the end I am determined… no I am called by God Himself to be aware of Him, to be in His presence 24/7. I am being drawn to a place where situation, circumstance, feeling, pressure, people, none of it affects my awareness of Him. God reminded me of this desire He has for not only me, but all of us with T Austin-Sparks this morning.

T Austin-Sparks wrote, “Fellowship with God must be of that kind, that whether we can go to meetings or not, we still have the Lord; whether we have nice soulish music or not, we still have the Lord... Man's soul can communicate with God only through the vehicle of his spirit in union with God. That is what Calvary has done. You can understand now, of course, why the message of the Cross is unacceptable... and that, because of this strong cleaving to a historic, traditional inheritance, you will be outside the camp if you are going to proclaim it and stand for it... You see, we are up against a terrific business; we are up against a spiritual opposition which is colossal, and only a spiritual position is adequate to that - nothing less. We do not want to be in any position less than the Lord's first and best for us. The toys, the picture books, the illustrations, the symbols, the types are for children who have little intelligence; they are taken away at a certain time when God is out to have, not children but sons; and there is all the difference between the two. And so Calvary dismisses the kindergarten of external things in relation to God and brings in the fullness of heavenly order so as to make of us full-grown sons of God. May we be so!”

At the end of the day the only way to truly keep from stagnating is to be fully connect to the source of the living water. 

Father help us connect. Help us to allow that living water to flow through us. 

It's about the Heart not the Act

Numbers 20:8-12, "...speak to the rock before their eyes, that it may yield its water... and Moses and Aaron gathered the assembly before the rock. And he said to them, 'Listen now, you rebels; shall we bring forth water for you out of this rock?' Then Moses lifted up his had and struck the rock twice... The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, 'Because you have not believed Me, to treat Me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel, therefore you shall not bring the assembly into the land which I have given them.'"
 
I was reminded of this story yesterday in Iwo Jima. Somehow for me remembering in the consequences to Moses for having not obeyed has been an underlying concern when it come to obedience to God. Is God sitting there waiting for us to make one little slip up so He can deny a blessing? Is obedience exact? After all the first time God brought water from a rock He told Moses to strike it. Maybe in the frustration of a rebellious crowd Moses forgot he was supposed to "speak" to it and fell back on memory of striking it?

Reality is that this line of thinking is merely a distraction from the truth. What caused Moses and Aaron to be excluded from the Promise Land was not that Moses struck the rock. It was that they took credit for the water. "Shall we bring forth water..." That was the sin. They took credit for what God had done, not only in thier hearts, but most importantly in the assembly of God's people.

Being in relationship with God is neither difficult nor easy. It is better described as otherly. As being something other than anything we grow up with our are taught by society, experience, and our senses it is sometimes confusing to discern God's still small voice. We, as the Bible says, "see in part." As a result obedience to His commands is not likely to be exact. But our heart, that is a whole other issue. So long as we are following a heart after God, worrying about exactly obeying  need not be a paralyzing concern. Follow the compulsions for good without worry. God is not hanging over us ready to drop an axe for some minor, unintentional deviation from His perfect command.

Equally important in this "otherly" relationship is that it is individually prescribed for the moment. We can't copy someone's spiritual or worldly success. We can't necessarily create a formula from our past success. Today we may face the same need of yesterday. The obstacle maybe the same rock from the time before. But doing the same thing that created success in the past may not be God's perfect plan. Today God may say strike the rock, tomorrow He may say speak to the rock, and next week He may say sit on the rock. This is the relationship. The dynamics is what makes it beautifully real.

In the end we turn our hearts toward God. We look to His face giving Him the glory, honor, and credit. And we obey to the best of our ability without fear of repercussions. We obey in love, and everything else works itself out.

Humbled Less Pride Destroyed Me

Isaiah 14:12-15, "How you have fallen from heaven, O star of the morning, son of the dawn! You have been cut down to the earth, You who have weakened the nations! But you said in your heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.' Nevertheless you will be thrust down to Sheol, to the recesses of the pit."

This passage in Isaiah describes the fall of Satan, and his reason for being thrown from heaven. In pride he said with his heart that he would ascend. He would exalt himself up. Satan basically declared that he would climb the corporate ladder of heaven and become boss.

I bring this up because yesterday in the wake if seeing God move on my behalf I went to work euphoric. To add to the exhilaration, I had multiple mortgage candidates, and the day could have also included three mortgage applications. I even boldly declared to my boss that I was going to exceed my monthly goal by double.

Off into my day I ran. Calling Application #1 I found out that his "financial consultant" had advised him to simply pay his house off. Application #2 was a bust when the tax returns arrived -- insufficient income. Application #3 used the weekend to think about it over, and the marginal reward of refinancing was not enough to overcome the time, energy, and expense associated with it. Three deals, probably three weeks of calls... gone.

What an awesome God to allow me to humbled by His hand. Seriously! I mean that with all my heart. I am very good at what I do, and it is very easy for me to get distracted and think it is something other than the blessing of God, and His design at work in me. I am thankful for the humbling day so that I can get my perspective back in order.

The other side of the equation is that 2 of the 3 potential applicants I know to be Christians. The third was just a stranger. And so, if I trust God to be in control  of my life, I have to trust that He is also working together for good in the lives of those other Christians. So I am further grateful that God did not use me for their financial benefit, trusting that he has something better, or someone more capable of delivering God's very best to them. Thank the Lord that if my efforts are not the best expression of His love, then by all means don't allow me to be used.

Selah

Playing Chicken with the devil

1 Peter 5:8, “Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

Ephesians 6:11, “Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.”

Daniel 6:22, “My God sent His angel and shut the lions’ mouths and they have not harmed me…”

Perhaps the description of “Playing Chicken with the devil” is an arrogant expression of standing firm against the enemy, but I thought it might catch your attention.

Additionally going into the detail of the personal experience for me of this in the past few days is pointless.

Let me just say that the devil comes charging at you like a lion. Full force, teeth bared, he comes intending to devour you spiritually. And yet we are commanded to do nothing more than “stand firm.” We don’t run, we don’t fight, and we just stand. Here, in standing and trusting God we see the lion’s mouth shut.

Sometimes God provides a solution in the form of a blessing that makes the problem go away. Other times He simply takes the problem’s ability to bite away from it. For me, I thank God that He has once again closed the mouth of the lion. Though the devil sits in front of me as a lion -- breathing his hot, stinky breath on me… he cannot bite. Not because of anything I have done, or my ability, but because of Him who lives in me.

Stand firm!

Turn Back to Praise

Luke 17:18, "Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"

I write a lot about life's challenges, but it would be completely disobedient and ungrateful of me to not give God thanks and praise for the blessings. Or sure, everyday with Him, experiencing His presense, discoverying Him in the offensive, being a reflection of Him to those in my life is a blessing. But from time to time there are those things that come as if an undeserved reward.

So today I give praise to God for Him blessing me with enough work in November to be the top producer in the office. There are 7 of us, all keeping the same hours, all getting the same number of leads, and here in my first month I out performed them all. Thank you Jesus for that blessing.

I have to praise Him as well for my Dad's health, but not only for the successful surgery, but the inspiration to do something about my own health. Not to mention getting to celebrate his birthday today. The scale says I have lost 9 pounds in the same period of time it took to become the office's top producer. As a bonus the weight loss has stopped my snoring for which both my wife and I are grateful.

Today I just praise God for a good life. Even though this life has been full of struggles, I especially turn back to say thank you for the first month in a year where the monthly income will meet the monthly expenses.

Humble beginings that are nothing less than God blessing, and worthy of my praise.

Praise the name of Jesus.

(The photo is my friends Paul & Kristin expressing how I feel)

Crazy Day

1 Corinthians 11:22, "What! Do you not have houses in which to eat and drink? Or do you despise the church of God and shame those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you? In this I will not praise you."

I think that I will never cease to be amazed at just how much of my day is controlled and in the hands of the Father. If only I could be aware of it continuously.

I woke up this morning, made a cup of coffee, and went to post "Bad Attitude." From there I made my way to the barn for morning chores where I discovered what looked like an oozing puncher wound on my horse. My thoughts were, this is going to be expensive, and I am going to miss work, making it double expensive. 
 
Isn't it just like God to immediately challenge our character immediately after we think we are getting it right. So rather than get angry, and absorbed in self-pity I stopped for a moment and tried to become aware of God in it all.

The vet didn't open until 8:30am, so for the next hour and half I got dressed, hooked up the trailer, had some breakfast, and called the office to let them know I was going to be late.

Finally reaching the vet I found out they could not see me until 11:30am. Great, I thought. This is going to ruin the whole day.

So about 10:00am I started towards the vet. Maybe the vet would be done with her emergency and get to my horse early. On the way my daughter called from New York. This made me have to pull over so I could look something up for her on my phone. As a sat there a woman walked up to my widow carrying two garbage bags full of clothes. I rolled down my window and she said the bags were hurting her hands, and could I give her and her "play mama" a ride down the street.

Her name turned out to be Raneesha and she was homeless. Her "play mama" was a lady who had taken her in the night before. The bags of clothes "were given to Raneesha by someone." (More on this in a moment). So I loaded their stuff in the back of my truck and Reneesha said, "hold on, I have some other stuff." She runs around the corner and comes back with two more garbage bags of something and a red blanket.

The two ladies get in my truck and as we pull off. As I looked in my rear view mirror, I realized "who" had made the generous donation to Raneesha.  In the area where Raneesha had run to was a Goodwill Donation box. Had I just helped her rob a donation box? Hope not... but funny none the less.

Now today it is a little cold. My temp gauge in the truck was showing 36 degrees. Significant because we had not made it out of the parking lot and already I was overwhelmed by  the stench. I wonder if Raneesha new I was hanging my head out the window at her admission of having not changed her clothes in a few days. Tears began to form in my eyes. Not from compassion, but from the cold air hitting my eyes at 50 mph. I could do nothing but hope and pray the clothes "donated" would fit her.

So Raneesha and "play mama" made it to the drop off. A good God diversion to the morning, and satisfying that my day of expensive unscheduled time off was being used for His glory. I made my way towards the vet's office. Killing time I pulled in to the gas station to fill up.

As I waited for the truck to engulf another $125 in diesel the phone rang. It was the Vet's office. They had another emergency and would not be able to see my horse until 2:00pm. OMG... help me Lord. What is the deal? I feel like a bad episode of Hee Haw. For those of you not old enough to remember they had a skit with a song that went, "if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all..."

So I sat there. Intent on not getting mad, but trying to understand that if God does not want me at work then I need to not worry about it. I struggled to dig into my spirit and be aware He is there. It was then I saw an old friend go inside the store. And it came to me. I did his mortgage a few years back. So I got out of the truck and met him on his way back to his car. Small talk, pleasantries, politics, and here I had a possible refinance customer.

Haven't gotten the deal as of writing this, but isn't that just like God. Interrupted my day for Raneesha, for someone to show her the love of God. Then presents some "daily bread" in the travels.
I am amazed.

I did make it to work, the horse did go to the vet at 4:00pm. That was $378 of pleasantries. But it all worked in the end. And worked better than I could have ever planned as it was a day in the presence of God. 

I Don't Trust Myself

1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body."

A few weeks back a reminder popped up on my calender. It was a birthday for an old girlfriend. In kindness, and against the tug on my heart to not do it, I shot off a quick Happy Birthday. In God's infinite wisdom he allowed my wife to find that sent e-mail, and it set off some pretty serious discussion.

Frankly I thought no harm to foul. The woman has been dealt a pretty ugly hand in life, and in my ever present compassion for the down trodden I thought I was doing something nice. The other side of the argument was basically that I was playing with fire.

Having left my better half unconvinced I took up the issue at my men's meeting. Surely among those 12 brothers there would be support... NOT! Deeper I defended myself. I have never violated the sanctity of marriage, and I am proud of that. I am so proud of it that it has created an feeling of invincibility within myself that I am impervious to seduction or wandering. Sensing this, or something else, my friend Gary said, "I don't trust you, and your wife shouldn't trust you... you are full of it." Or something to that effect.

Even in that I left with an internal assurance of guilelessness. My motives were not impure. At least that's the way I felt until Sunday.

A few weeks back our church was hit with a sexual scandal in the youth ministry. Bad enough, but on Sunday I found out that one of my favorite associate pastors resigned for what appears to be an affair with a married woman. Oh my I thought. If he could do that, then what am I capable of? 
 
I get it Gary... we, none of us, are trustworthy in compormising positions with the opposite sex. Burkas and beatings are not the answer, but God clearly tells us to run when this kind of trouble comes. It is this "appearance of evil" that we must avoid. i.e. Herman Cain

What is especially sad about the whole situation is here was a pastor capable of out preaching our Senior Pastor. The man, like me, was a victim of infidelity. And yet, as a single man he fell to temptation, and participated in the very thing he hates.

As for me, no more playing with fire; even in the purest of love for my wife and purest intentions for the other person. There are boundaries that we just don't cross and I thank my wife for holding me accountable to that.

Bad Attitude

2 Corinthians 10:5, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

I had a bad attitude all thanksgiving weekend starting on Friday. No matter how I tried to take my thoughts captive it just was not working.

It started for me on Friday morning. There were a couple things I wanted to do, and a thousand that needed to be done, but most, particularly the ones I wanted to do required money. And so my mind started down this path of self-pity. Here was a long weekend, beautiful weather, and I had no money to do anything fun. Or should I say no money to satisfy my craving to spend. And nothing would shake it. Going to my barn I saw a pasture that needs to be seeded with Rye grass, and no money to do it. Walking back I see a house that needs painted, and no money to do it. On and on my mind tortured me. I sit to watch TV and what comes on between football games? How about the Worlds 5 Biggest Yachts. From there my mind goes to days gone by when I owned a boat and spent thousands fishing offshore. Poor pitiful me.

To add insult to injury I took it out on everyone around me. Simple request were met with the harshest of attitudes. If I could not do something I wanted to, then I wanted to do nothing at all.

How about the thoughts of even hating the time off. I went through memories of operating a business and remembering holiday wrecking profitability. Think about it. If a company makes a 10% profit that means only the last 2 days of a working month make money. Take a couple of those days away and you end up with no profit. So for a while I wished I was at work with the opportunity to make some money.

Deep in this toilet of desire my mind swirled. All the while seeing those close to be pilining on and pulling the handle to flush that toilet.

I tried to "practice His presence," but it all led me to looking to His hand, which in my opinion was empty. It felt like I was going to be left to picking up crumbs around the table and never seeing the hand full of provision again.

And yet the Holy Spirit was working constantly to "snap me out of it." My daughter Sarah sat to tell me that I was the only one who saw me as inadequate. That she nor any of my family measures me in terms of dollars and cents. Awesome in hindsight, but of little help in the moment.

The Holy Spirit convicted with T Austin-Sparks as I read, He said, "You and I are going to face God sometime. We are going to come face to face with God literally in eternity and then the question is going to arise, has God at any point failed us? Shall we be able, on any detail, to say, "Lord, You failed me, You were not true to Your word"? Such a position is unthinkable, that ever any being should be able to lay a charge like that at God's door, to have any question as to God's truth, reality, and faithfulness. The Holy Spirit has been sent as the Spirit of truth to guide us into all the truth, so that there shall be no shadow whatever between God and ourselves as to His absolute faithfulness, His truth to Himself, and to all His word. The Holy Spirit has come for that. If that is true, then the Holy Spirit will deal with all disciples in the School of Christ to undercut everything that is not true, that is not genuine, to make every such disciple to stand upon a foundation which can abide before God in the day of His absolute and utter vindication. "

Oswald Chambers was equally used with "If you want to know the power of God (that is, the resurrection life of Jesus) in your human flesh, you must dwell on the tragedy of God. Break away from your personal concern over your own spiritual condition, and with a completely open spirit consider the tragedy of God. Instantly the power of God will be in you. "Look to Me. . ." (Isaiah 45:22). Pay attention to the external Source and the internal power will be there. We lose power because we don’t focus on the right thing. The effect of the Cross is salvation, sanctification, healing, etc., but we are not to preach any of these. We are to preach "Jesus Christ and Him crucified"

Finally, after days of dwelling in myself my awareness of His presence, and Him being in control returned. Perhaps on the next long weekend I will appreciate the extra time to chill with Him instead of worrying about all the ways I can waste it on myself. 


But until then... this video is how I felt. And unlike San Quentin in this video. My mind was taken hostage and the Holy Spirit did arrange its release.