Love & Suffering

John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."

I woke yesterday morning at what I thought was 5:29 unable to sleep from the stress of my current situation. I say thought, b/c I later found out my clock had jumped to EST, so it was really 4:29am, some 3 hours before my normal wake up time. So I tossed and turned, hoping to not wake up Jamie, mind racing through thoughts. Fortunately for me my faith coach, Jim, was up early too. At 4:47am he sent out the e-mail with his daily blog.

So laying in bed I read the e-mail on my i-phone. He closed by saying, "True love, of which there is One Source, needs nothing to be joyful, and is willing to suffer anything and everything for however long it takes to be fully experienced and surrendered to."

Suddenly upon reading that my mind was filled with a couple of passages. The first was Christ commandment in the gospels of, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all you mind, and your neighbor as yourself." Somewhere in Jim's blog he mentioned that you have to love God first before you can fully love your neighbor. So I could relate as my recent experiences are very much related to God and I loving one another. As each day passes I understand that my love of Him, though very real, seems light years from ALL MY SOUL, STRENGTH, HEART, and MIND. And yet I know that this is what He desires... even demands.

Second was the scripture above. That the highest form of love is to lay your life down. To have nothing about yourself that is more important than the object of the love. A reiteration of all my soul, all my strength, all my mind, and all my heart.  It was yet another affirmation of the dieing to self concept. Of allowing all that is in me that is not God to die and be replaced with His Kingdom and a resurrected character trait of Christ.

Lastly a simple bible story came to mind. I was reminded of was the disciples in the boat with Jesus as found in Matthew 8. Here they are, in a boat, in the middle of the storm, and Jesus is sleeping. In thier fear they wake Him up because it appears they are all going to drown. Jesus wakes up, and if He is anything like me He was probably a little grumpy at being woken up and says, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" He then promptly calms the seas, and I imagine goes back to sleep. So here I am stressed out big time. I am in the middle of the storm with God saying in so many words, 'just love me.' Just keep my eyes on God and it will all be ok. Just have a "little faith" in Him, and I will make it to the otherside. Just suffer a little bit and watch what happens. I don't believe Jesus was being critical of the disciples inablility to calm the storm. I don't think He was being critical of their faith to get to the otherside safely. I think if there was any criticism at all, it was of their fear of the suffering. Jesus knows that in love there is sometimes suffering. A suffering that comes from laying down a life for a friend. God set the example of love for us in Christ, and that He will never be fully satisfied until our love for Him is so perfected that we are willing to lay down everything for Him. An act that will necessarily entail suffering. But we have to have faith to face the fear of it. Just like Christ faced His own fears in going to the cross. But this is easy when we understand the suffering is not a harsh ugly suffering for the sake of pain. It is the death of the things that separate us from God. Like Jim says, it's the breaking of the addiction to the world, but once that addiction is broken... oh wow!

People have said that all marathoners experience the same pain, but the winners don't give in to it. They also say that heroes are not fearless, they just don't give into it. Faith and love are the same way. Love may bring suffering and fear, but faith keeps us from giving into it. And like a marathoner, in Christ the one who does not give into the fear, the pain... they are the winners and the prize here is a greater, closer relationship to the Father.

So here I am in the middle of the storm and Jesus is sleeping. I know that I am supposed to be sleeping with Him but I am wide awake. At least I know not to wake Him up, so I will continue to lay here and toss and turn until I can fall back asleep. When I can't sleep at all, I just try to stare at Him... and watch Him do nothing. This is the greatest act of love. To lay down my own wants, fears, desires, and yes... life. It is all an expression of love to my Father. Every now and then it is as if Jesus peaks out of the corner of His eye to see what I'm doing. Suddenly a grin appears as He pretends to be asleep. He is very happy that I have not shaken Him from His slumber, which is not a slumber at all. Just an opportunity for me to cast aside fear, walk in love, and have faith His plan is the best of all. And an opportunity for me to emulate Him by sleeping in the storm.