Monday, May 23, 2011

Understanding

Matthew 13:19, "When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is the one whom the seed was sown beside the road.

Last inning of the game, two outs, bases loaded; two runs are needed to win the first playoff game and advance to the next bracket. The coach on the mound drops the ball into the pitching machine. It's on its way... its coming...its coming... an eternity later, crack, and the ball is airborne and headed to right field. Over the opposition's head it is not going to stop rolling until it reaches the fence. One runner scores, a second scores, and a third scores. Isaac Yuna hits a stand up triple to win the game. That's right, my 7 year old made his dad proud. But the day did not start that way.That's for sure.

It began as it has the past several weeks with me reading my faith coaches blog that he e-mails me. Only in this one was a heart felt, pure tale of God that resulting in Jim understand even more that God is the Provision. But what I keyed in on was that here was that the one individual who unintentionally inspired me to trust God was expressing a financial need. Specifically this month has been the lowest gift receipts since starting his ministry 15 years ago. I was awash with sorrow. I felt responsibility. Like somehow the black cloud over my life has now enveloped someone who has become very near and dear to me. I hurt that I could not fix it. But then once again, here came the big arm of God and the realization that it's not up to me to fix it. Just be here and love in whatever capacity I have. At least that's what I am learning to do in spite of my mind being unable to understand.

Even still, I pressed on with a task and compulsion put on my heart by God. This task is to define my mission. To illustrate with words the vision God has for my life. And I was making beautiful progress. Both with the articulation, and with some tent making on the side. See the Apostle Paul made tents for cash to support his ministry. My tent making is mortgages. And I actually had to do another loan guy whose deal blew up last week. So life was getting better until I heard my Labrador barking.

Long story short, b/c this is a blog and not a book, I went outside, and there is my daughters rescue pitbull lying on the garage floor with a huge amount of slobber coming from her mouth. Across the garage is my 4 mo old puppy limping. I don't know what the pit has gotten into, but I did examine the pup and found nothing out of the ordinary. But the lab was still barking. So I went to the dog run to see what was up. There barking at the ground is puff. What the heck I thought. Then she bites, throws her head back and up in the air goes a snake. Or at least what was left of it. Closer examination revealed the left overs of a copperhead. Now I get it. I know what has happened to the other dogs, they have been bit.

The realization that they are possibly mortally injured completely bust my bubble. The Internet said the bites are rarely if ever fatal, so with the thoughts of imminent death fading all I could think was here is money I don't have to spend. I was upset, so I called my Dad. He came over and on the way to the animal hospital he said what I was thinking. Am I under some kind of curse?

Leaving the vets office offered no relief, only more feelings of inadequacy. Not having $1200 for the best of treatment, the dogs got the barest of minimums. The good news was that after dropping the dogs off we should still have time to make my son's game an hour away.

The whole way to the game all I could do was think towards heaven... I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand. Faith, Provider, Provision, Promise... all studied to death. Endless prayer accompanied by very real comfort from God, but how much can someone take? But then the crack of that bat. The excitement of my son making me so proud. Proud that he not only did not break under the pressure, but excelled. You see he struck out the bat before that. That was a possibility. But not this time. And I am not going to strike out either. God has a plan, and today was completely part of it. I am not going to let the evil one snatch anything away from me. I just hope I can make my Father as proud of me performing under pressure as my son did for me this evening on the baseball field.

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