I had every intention of posting a message of mission/vision and multiplying, but God I guess had a very different idea. You see, today I had to go to court for a ticket. Well, several tickets, but that is beside the point. I was a little late getting there and ended up having to sit in the very front left in a seat that faces the pews of the courtroom. No big deal, it actually was some pretty good people watching. There in court room were 200 plus people from every walk of life, background, and ethnicity. Hour upon hour passed, dismissals happened and deals were made. My attorney said I would probably have to come back after the lunch break.
So I thought, how can I turn this waiting and people watching into an experience with God. It was then it came to me. Scanning the room I asked myself, why does God love that person? Or that person? In fact, I thought... I sure am glad He said to love my neighbor because none of these people fit into my little sub-culture, and certainly would not be found in my neighborhood. Don't get me wrong. I know God loves them, but felt some since of relief thinking that my unconditional love for them was unnecessary. That was it... no big revelation. My attorney got my tickets dismissed before lunch and I treated myself to some street tacos on Harrisburg St.
Harrisburg is a Hispanic part of town. And though I truly love the Hispanic people there are elements there, and places that are not nice at all. Once again I was appreciative of my country life and the little sub-culture that surrounds me. Glad I could come to Harrisburg for some good food, and that I didn't have to live there.
Next up was Iwo Jima meeting at 3:00pm. It's a men's group I attend in the Montrose area of Houston so there was not enough time to go home and come back. Other options exhausted I just went early. After all, it does meet at Ecllesia Church and there is a coffee shop on the facility that is fairly nice. Turns out to that I ran into Jim between appointments, where he invited me to sit in on his next one. I marveled inside how Jim can communicate and love such a wide variety of people. After the appointment here comes another of Jim's friends. In tow is a... I don't even know how to describe him.- - A guy in tears hating life and wanting to die. He asks to talk to Jim and upon approval jumps in by saying I just need to have a breakdown. I hate life and I hate people. I found out 2 weeks ago I have HIV. I sat there silently, probably with a look of absolute horror. But Jim, he smiled and leaned in to hear more. So Greg, that's his name, went on. He asked Jim to be his mentor and Jim said, I will listen to you. So Greg says, I'm a homosexual, my lover is a transvestite and though she (he likes to be referred to as a she) has had HIV for 15 years I did not get it from her. I got if from sharing needles for IV drug use. At this point I am literally excusing myself to go to the bathroom. I had to wash my hands right then and there. Iwo Jima was coming up and if I played my cards right I could avoid the rest of the conversation.
So 10 minutes later we gathered in the other room for Iwo Jima. And there is Greg on Jim's invitation. After Prayer Jim say, go ahead and have your breakdown Greg. Then it began. On and on for 30- 45 min. Greg explained how he was raped and beaten by his father. At the age of 7 he was knocked unconscious by this vicious man only to wake up to a lighter, a box of filter-less cigarets, and a glass of Jack Daniels on the rocks. His dad said, there you go son. That's how I deal with it so you deal with it. He shot both his parents at nine. They didn't die, but he became property of the state. In and out of prison, mental hospitals, and 14 foster homes. He has been a male prostitute, a heroin addict, and nearly died dozens of times. He is missing a front tooth and has a few prison tattoos. There is more, but by my definition Greg is the absolute bottom of society. In the midst of detailing his past he kept saying I just want to be loved, will you love me? I don't want to be judged or criticized, will you love me? Andrew, will you love me? Jim, will you love me? Gary, will you love me? And there is where it hit me. This is what my entire day has been about. Will I love the unlovable? All I could think of was Jesus asking Peter in John 21:15-17 if Peter loved Him. If Greg asked me if I loved him what was I going to say? I wanted to say, hell no, you are unlovable. But instead I said, "What is love to you?" Pretty cute huh? Best avoidance of the day if you ask me.
But the avoidance was not helping. Not loving Greg was burning in me and I could not shake it. So Greg had his breakdown. Andrew led him in the sinners prayer and the meeting continued. Oops... nearly forgot. So Greg was on 36 pain killers for all of this and high as a kite. Jittery, shaking his hands, disjointed in his communication. But after praying with Andrew the distractions of his body movement went away. A fact I noticed later when Greg said he was not high anymore after praying.
So Jim is going around the room asking what is on everyone's heart. I am praying that he does not ask me because I know what's on my heart. That Greg is unlovable. And low and behold Jim does skip me and goes to Gary. Whoosh... a sigh of relief. Until Gary says, "I'm angry and don't know why." I questioned him why and he went on to say something to the effect of he thought it was because he was not loving people like he used to. That was it... I could not take it any more. I had to spill my heart or explode.
I told Greg, to me you are unlovable. But all I can see if Christ sitting across from me asking me if I am going to love Him. Just like He did with Peter. Jesus asked if Peter loved him unconditionally, and Peter replied that he had brotherly love for Jesus. Here was Greg, the most unlovable person in the world, asking me the same thing. I could do nothing but cry as I told him this. I concluded with I know that God wants me to hug you but I don't want to. He stood up and said, give me a hug. To which I did.
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