1 Corinthians 11:1, "Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ."
There has been a collision of events that brought to the forefront of my meditation the two scriptures above. Both were written by the apostle Paul. In one passage Paul says he is chief among the sinners. Then in the other he in affect is saying a am good enough to be imitated. Certainly it as not Paul saying 'I am the foremost of sinners, so imitate me in my sin.' Neither was it an example of Paul's hypocrisy. I believe it is more an example of Paul's understanding of what some might call dualism, or the constant conflict between good and evil. The Chinese call this Yin and Yang. I don't believe in, or fallow eastern religions, but this image of Yin and Yang is a fairly decent visualization of what is going on.
The first "event" that brought these scriptures to mind was a pastor friend who confessed, "How can I pastor people who are better at being good than I am?" This man is conscious of his spirit leading him to lead. He is aware that God has gifted, anointed, empowered him to lead people in their spiritual walk. Yet at the same time he is fully aware of his sinful nature. Equally important is that he is unaware of the sinful nature in the very people he calls "being better at being good." What better example of a man of God to be taught from. One acting in obedience, humble and aware of himself in the flesh and at the soul level, and yet without judgment. Sounds a lot like Paul to me. Sounds like a sinner worth imitating.
But it also reminds me of yesterday. Yesterday was a very bad day for me. It was bad physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. It was exhausting, and the very end of it was the ultimate in insults. I lost all connection to everything spiritual. My soul was in complete rebellion by the end. My mind was concocting all manner of lies about life and those closest to me. I was, for several hours, foremost of sinners in my heart, and even the hearts of those around me. And yet, even in my weakness, I too can still say, imitate me.
Not to imitate my weakness or distress. Certainly don't imitate my breaking down, unless you need too. But all that is good is always from God. "No one is good except God alone." (Mark 10:18) And whatever is good is worth imitation because it is from Him, not the individual.
At the end of the analysis Paul was not a hypocrite, and neither am I. For that matter, if you are born again, neither are you.
As three part beings: spirit, soul, and body - we are often subject to listening to, and believing the soul and body over the spirit. This is ok. It does not negate the law of grace. It does not waste the salvation Jesus gave His life for. It is ok to breakdown, stumble, regress, relapse, fall, blowup, get mad, get sad, any host of emotions so long as those events don't cause you murder or steal etc. This is part of being human.
For me, I needed, and need to be left alone in those moments. I don't need he reminders of the failures past or present. I don't need advice. I don't need to be shocked out of it, and certainly not corrected. Think about it. If it feels like the world is crashing down around you, how do you want to be treated? What do you want to hear? Do you want you emotions invalidated? Do you want to be told not to feel what you feel? Do you want the problem simplified with a simple solution? No, you want, and I want none of the above. We want nothing more than to know we can have our feelings without fear of rejection. We want silence, but presence in the situation. In other words; we want to know the other person is there, that everything is ok, and that they will patiently wait for sanity to return. We want to hear, "It will be ok, I'm here if you need me."
We are not hypocrites. We are human. It is the dualism that creates the internal strife, and if not dualism, if not the struggle of good versus evil, then it is simply life.
Today's song says it all. "I can't stop the rain, but I can hold you until it is goes away." That is all any of us need in the dark rainy night - to know someone is there, silently "holding" us until it goes away.
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