I am so thankful for the people that God has placed in my life. I have been stuck in a place of wheel spinning. Victory has been held back by the thinnest of strings, in spite of the neon signs all around me pointing the way. It wasn't until I spoke to my friend Russell that they all became clear.
And I must say that the revelation the signs and Russell's words reveal bring me to a complete place of repentance for my ignorance. It is no secret that I am struggling financially and basically unemployed. Equally it is no secret that I seek God daily, that can be seen in these post if nothing else. And yet I have remained perplexed why the daily bread I see has constantly been inadequate. Why it always seems late. Yes God has provided, but that provision always seems to be just a little short.
Today, I know in part why, and this knowledge is the reason for my repentance. Like most men, my career, my income have been my identity and a source of pride. And yet God is calling me to ministry. Not unlike many, I did not simply allow God to break that association of my identity to my job, but I in turn picked up the identity of "minister." With minister as my substituted form of identity all I could see was failure because the flock is non-existence, and the resources are not flowing. If I were a church the offering buckets are empty. Compounding the issue I have looked at the promises of God as if/then statements. If I do this, then God will do that. Once again I see nothing but failure because I am doing my part, He appears to not be doing His.
Unless you evaluate it in the context to the scripture reference. In the context of seeking God's face I am guilty. My motives have been divided, because even though my expectations of God have been passive, they have been there none the less. I have said with my expectations that I obey because I am seeking God's hand... and His handout rather than His face. I have answered God's call to rest, not to truly rest and enjoy His company, but rather to obey so that He can add to me "all these things."
My friend Dave says it is like taking your wife to dinner and a movie only for sex afterwards. Kind of like, 'can we get the romance over so we can have the reward.'
It is so subtle, but in the end huge. Those that come into the kingdom of God, those that truly see the gospel of the kingdom of God are those that seek His face. Seems odd to repent for seeking God wrongly, after all His hand is still part of who He is, but He is clear with where He wants our focus. Like when He spoke 2 Chronicles 7:14, "... My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and SEEK MY FACE and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
If you would like to see someone else's journey to see the face of God. If you would like to have fodder for your prayers as you seek His face, check out this post from my friend Dave.
No comments:
Post a Comment