I Don't Trust Myself

1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body."

A few weeks back a reminder popped up on my calender. It was a birthday for an old girlfriend. In kindness, and against the tug on my heart to not do it, I shot off a quick Happy Birthday. In God's infinite wisdom he allowed my wife to find that sent e-mail, and it set off some pretty serious discussion.

Frankly I thought no harm to foul. The woman has been dealt a pretty ugly hand in life, and in my ever present compassion for the down trodden I thought I was doing something nice. The other side of the argument was basically that I was playing with fire.

Having left my better half unconvinced I took up the issue at my men's meeting. Surely among those 12 brothers there would be support... NOT! Deeper I defended myself. I have never violated the sanctity of marriage, and I am proud of that. I am so proud of it that it has created an feeling of invincibility within myself that I am impervious to seduction or wandering. Sensing this, or something else, my friend Gary said, "I don't trust you, and your wife shouldn't trust you... you are full of it." Or something to that effect.

Even in that I left with an internal assurance of guilelessness. My motives were not impure. At least that's the way I felt until Sunday.

A few weeks back our church was hit with a sexual scandal in the youth ministry. Bad enough, but on Sunday I found out that one of my favorite associate pastors resigned for what appears to be an affair with a married woman. Oh my I thought. If he could do that, then what am I capable of? 
 
I get it Gary... we, none of us, are trustworthy in compormising positions with the opposite sex. Burkas and beatings are not the answer, but God clearly tells us to run when this kind of trouble comes. It is this "appearance of evil" that we must avoid. i.e. Herman Cain

What is especially sad about the whole situation is here was a pastor capable of out preaching our Senior Pastor. The man, like me, was a victim of infidelity. And yet, as a single man he fell to temptation, and participated in the very thing he hates.

As for me, no more playing with fire; even in the purest of love for my wife and purest intentions for the other person. There are boundaries that we just don't cross and I thank my wife for holding me accountable to that.

Bad Attitude

2 Corinthians 10:5, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

I had a bad attitude all thanksgiving weekend starting on Friday. No matter how I tried to take my thoughts captive it just was not working.

It started for me on Friday morning. There were a couple things I wanted to do, and a thousand that needed to be done, but most, particularly the ones I wanted to do required money. And so my mind started down this path of self-pity. Here was a long weekend, beautiful weather, and I had no money to do anything fun. Or should I say no money to satisfy my craving to spend. And nothing would shake it. Going to my barn I saw a pasture that needs to be seeded with Rye grass, and no money to do it. Walking back I see a house that needs painted, and no money to do it. On and on my mind tortured me. I sit to watch TV and what comes on between football games? How about the Worlds 5 Biggest Yachts. From there my mind goes to days gone by when I owned a boat and spent thousands fishing offshore. Poor pitiful me.

To add insult to injury I took it out on everyone around me. Simple request were met with the harshest of attitudes. If I could not do something I wanted to, then I wanted to do nothing at all.

How about the thoughts of even hating the time off. I went through memories of operating a business and remembering holiday wrecking profitability. Think about it. If a company makes a 10% profit that means only the last 2 days of a working month make money. Take a couple of those days away and you end up with no profit. So for a while I wished I was at work with the opportunity to make some money.

Deep in this toilet of desire my mind swirled. All the while seeing those close to be pilining on and pulling the handle to flush that toilet.

I tried to "practice His presence," but it all led me to looking to His hand, which in my opinion was empty. It felt like I was going to be left to picking up crumbs around the table and never seeing the hand full of provision again.

And yet the Holy Spirit was working constantly to "snap me out of it." My daughter Sarah sat to tell me that I was the only one who saw me as inadequate. That she nor any of my family measures me in terms of dollars and cents. Awesome in hindsight, but of little help in the moment.

The Holy Spirit convicted with T Austin-Sparks as I read, He said, "You and I are going to face God sometime. We are going to come face to face with God literally in eternity and then the question is going to arise, has God at any point failed us? Shall we be able, on any detail, to say, "Lord, You failed me, You were not true to Your word"? Such a position is unthinkable, that ever any being should be able to lay a charge like that at God's door, to have any question as to God's truth, reality, and faithfulness. The Holy Spirit has been sent as the Spirit of truth to guide us into all the truth, so that there shall be no shadow whatever between God and ourselves as to His absolute faithfulness, His truth to Himself, and to all His word. The Holy Spirit has come for that. If that is true, then the Holy Spirit will deal with all disciples in the School of Christ to undercut everything that is not true, that is not genuine, to make every such disciple to stand upon a foundation which can abide before God in the day of His absolute and utter vindication. "

Oswald Chambers was equally used with "If you want to know the power of God (that is, the resurrection life of Jesus) in your human flesh, you must dwell on the tragedy of God. Break away from your personal concern over your own spiritual condition, and with a completely open spirit consider the tragedy of God. Instantly the power of God will be in you. "Look to Me. . ." (Isaiah 45:22). Pay attention to the external Source and the internal power will be there. We lose power because we don’t focus on the right thing. The effect of the Cross is salvation, sanctification, healing, etc., but we are not to preach any of these. We are to preach "Jesus Christ and Him crucified"

Finally, after days of dwelling in myself my awareness of His presence, and Him being in control returned. Perhaps on the next long weekend I will appreciate the extra time to chill with Him instead of worrying about all the ways I can waste it on myself. 


But until then... this video is how I felt. And unlike San Quentin in this video. My mind was taken hostage and the Holy Spirit did arrange its release.

It's About Us... Not Them

Matthew 25:34-36, “The the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave  Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.”

After Thanksgiving the holidays led me to a place of self-pity and anger.  The Holy Spirit trying to convict me out of my mood, but it took a call from my daughter asking from some advice, to finally move me past the mood.

It seems she had encountered a woman in the park the other day. She was tidy and put together, but out of place. Sitting on a bench reading a book she was accompanied by a dog and a suitcase. It made Katherine wonder. Why would she be reading a book, walking a dog, and have a suitcase? Then a day or two later she took a different direction home from work, and once again encountered this lady. Again with her dog and suitcase my daughter could not help but respond to the curiosity inside her. She asked the lady if she was homeless.

Sure enough she was, and with a tragic story like most have. The woman has a college degree and relied on some type of licensing for her income while she spent 8 years caring for an elderly dying mother. At some point she woke up with a shrinking income, detached from the workforce, making too much money for government aid, but not enough to find a place in New York. I will leave the whole story for Katherine to tell, but she ended up homeless.

The shelters won’t take her in because she has a dog. She won’t give up the dog because it’s elderly and they would just euthanize it. So she somehow manages an existence on the streets of New York City having long sense had her dignity stripped from her.

Katherine wanted to know what she could do. She asked if she should write her story, publish it on the internet, and solicit help from other… what she wondered? I told her yes to it all. Follow the Holy Spirit. But no more dogs!!!

My daughter like us all can be moved by the compassion, and it is so natural to want to do something to better the person’s situation. In fact we should try to better the situation if it is within our means. That is a command of the Bible, but this is not the point of the encounter. None of us are rich enough to solve poverty. None of us in our ability can meet the true needs of those we encounter. We have to simply be obedient to what we hear. And more importantly have to understand that it is not about them. It is about us.

What was the common thread of the scripture reference? They are all acts done to Him. Jesus says, I was…  and you did it to Me. The act is secondary to the encounter with Christ. These encounters with Christ in someone who is in need is there so that we can overcome fear, prejudice, offense. They are there to act as if money, power, and time are not our gods. They are an opportunity to live the relationship with Christ that our lable of Christianity claims.

I have said this before and it so totally applies here. God hides the keys to His Kingdom in the people that most offend us. Get past the offense and discover the key. A key that opens treasures in heaven.

Get it? I hang out with people like Robert not because I am the answer to their problems. I hang out with them because they are the answer to mine. Hidden in them is a Jesus I need to know.

We are not there for them... they are there for us as an opportunity to encounter Him.

Thanksgiving - For Parents



Genesis 3:16, "...In pain you will bring forth children..."

At Iwo Jima (A men's meeting) this week I was given the blessing of having a father share his pain, fears, frustration, and love as he has entered his adult son into rehab for the second time. In the process he stumbled upon a journal from his son's first visit to rehab some three years ago. As he opened it, unsure of it's contents he read his son's first experience with 12 steps. Without going too deep it should suffice to say that this son wrote how his father was his number one problem with life. In detail he listed the times that his father had failed him. With a mix of sadness, anger, and frustration the father askes the rethorical question, "Why do our children remember vividly every mistake we make while we are alive, and remember only the fond memories when we are gone?"

Reality is that we do that with many of our relationships in life. The ex-boyfriend who was the frog is suddenly remembered as prince charming. The ex-boss is suddenly a saint in relation to the new boss. But why do we do that?

Jim Spivey says it is because of the curse. (Gen 3:14-19) The result being "in toil... all the days of your life." It is as if life fights against us for as long as we are here. That the blindness is not revealed until the object is gone.

Well I don't want to participate in the blindness any more.

To both my parents I want to say that I am thankful for you. Dad you are a great example of Christ. We have had our share of disagreements, but I choose today to remember and be thankful for all the good.

Mom you too are a great example of Christ though wholely different from Dad. I love you and am thankful God chose you to be my mom inspite of the fact that our relationship can be overly taxing at times.

I am thankful that I had parents who were concerned for my well being. Who desired for me to do well in school and sports because they loved me and wanted to see me successfully survive and thrive in life. I am thankful for parents who never missed a game or event. I am thankful for parents willing to argue with my stupidity and listen to my open thoughts.

Thank you Mom & Dad for never giving up, for always being there, and for your constant prayers.
Most of all thank you for your love. Though it did not always yield the best results, I know that you always gave me all you have, and your best.

Thank you for being you, and for loving me. You both are worthly of my thankgiving today.
　

21 Thanksgivings Ago

Proverbs 31:29, "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."

This scripture makes me think of both my daughters. Each has done well. But today I just want to celebrate Katherine as 21 years ago she was born on a Thanksgiving Day.

She gave us quite a fright being six weeks early. She gave us hell with her OCD childhood, and needing bows on her shoes to not only be the right size but to match perfectly. Who can forget her screams because the lines in her socks were bothering her. It was classic Katherine to be kicked out of ski school for her unmanageablity. I will never forget nearly wrecking my car when she informed me what kissing led to. She has tested patience as I felt like the schools computer had me on a daily call list to let me know she missed another class. But it has all worked out perfectly even in the midst of those occasional challenges.

Katherine, I am so proud of you. Proud that you actually listened to me when I said, "do as I say, not as I do." I'm proud of you for living life with no regrets. For seizing every opportunity that does not compromise your integrity with yourself or God. And I am so happy that you are celebrating 21 years of life albeit too far away and without me.

I love you! Have a Happy Birthday.

Resisting Death

James 4:7, "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."

1 Peter 5:8-10, "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

On my commute home yesterday I was listening to Michael Savage on the radio. Truly a talented man who can talk without a partner for two or three hours and keep an audience interested. That is really the marvel for me. As for a person, all I know is that he is a Jew by birth and perhaps spiritual on some level, but by no means a Christian. I say this not to judge, but more to set up a reason to have my heart guarded concerning what he teaches.

So in the segment that caught my attention he was being critical of people who "embrace death." That somehow they were sub-human or inferior. He further asserted his position of avoiding death and fighting it at all costs.

So this got me thinking, which for me is really nothing more than prayer and questioning of the Christ that lives inside of me. Is "Death" something to be fought? Certainly we fight it and resist it, but is it God's plan for this resistance? Is the death that Michael Savage is referring to the same death as in death, burial, and resurrection provided by taking up the cross daily? If we as individual's are called to turn the proverbial other cheek, are we as a community, or even a nation required to collectively do the same thing?

It is here that I both agree, and disagree with Michael Savage. God allows nations to exists. And in such He also allows the protection of a nation's boarders. Therefore it is a responsibility of a nation to protect it's borders, to allow for the individual within those boarders to have certain liberties. Likewise states have certain responsibilities to protect the liberties of people within their boarders, and this responsibility follows the subdivision of the boarders all the way down to the home. All in the protection of liberties.

Now here is where is gets almost ironic. One primary liberty that deserves protection is the liberty to choose spiritual life and death within one's self. The liberty to be a fallible human walking always in the results of original sin with the ever present choice and knowledge of good and evil. Our founding fathers would call this concept freedom of religion.

The point is this. Death has a lot of connotations. The death that we all should embrace is synonymous with surrender. It is a death of the dross within us. It is further followed by the resurrection of Christ in the place where death occurs. The death that must be fought, that must be resisted is the death brought by evil. It is a death of liberty. Oh it includes physical death as well, and a host of other dying concepts. But in the end there is a good death, and an evil death. The good death must be embrace and the evil death resisted.

Surrender, don't die, is perhaps the way to understand it all simply. In surrender death leads to life. In death there is just death and no life at all. 

What I Miss Most About Being Rich

Job 1:21, "and he said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither, the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

Matthew 5:38-40, "You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."

2 Corinthians 11:23-28, "Are they servants of Christ?--I speak as if insane--I more so; in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death. Five times I received from the Jews thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, a night and a day I have spent in the deep. I have been on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my countrymen, dangers from the Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers on the sea, dangers among false brethren; I have been in labor and hardship, through many sleepless nights, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches."

What I miss most about being rich is that I did not have to put up with a whole lot of crap. When you are rich it is easy to be the slaper instead of the slappee. Rich you can pay someone else to deal with the garbage. When you are rich you can afford the lawyers to educate and punish the ignorant. But alas I am no longer rich in finances. And in turn get to enjoy the presence of God, being rich in spirit and sharing in the experiences of Christ, Job, and Paul.

But if I were rich I could dwell on the injustice in life and plot my revenge. Alas I rely on my Father for vengeance is His.

Without Him I might dwell on the fact that I have been without regular pay since April. Without Him I could allow bitterness to consume me for being denied unemployment based on the lie of my previous employer. Without Him I could dwell on anger and go postal for my last check going from $1800 to $125 because of some crazy crap that I owed the employer something. Without Him frustration could lead to self-injury over the state arbitrarily raising my child support without a hearing or court order. Without Him and His constant presence I might loose my mind that my mortgage license has been help up for 45 days over some late payments on my credit report.

But alas, I have Him living and breathing inside of me. He enables me to bring those thoughts captive, to close my eyes, breath deep, rest in the awareness that I am in His arms, and that He is in control.

That is enough. Selah.

MAN'S WAY

CHRIST'S WAY

Real Life

John 3:8, "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit."

So yesterday I wrote about my struggle with a guy at work, and how the Holy Spirit is telling me that He is trying to use him to teach me something. What, I don't know yet, but I know on the other side of the offense is some treasure from heaven. This example of real life did not begin with the new job. It started long before.

If you were to go back to the beginning of this blog and follow it all the way forward you should be able to see the progression and daily walk with God. All designed by God with the point of my shameless surrender so that we might know Christ more. It is in this surrender that God has demanded that I seek His face, never His hand. Where life is becoming all about fellowship and relationship to Christ and the Father. Out of which obedience is spawned and life becomes about His desires and not my own.

In that fellowship over the weeks and the months God spoke to my heart and told me that He was going to bring me a job. I was thinking something in a church, perhaps some itenerary preaching, coaching... anything spiritual. Loosing patience I applied for well over 300 jobs, none of which panned out. It was on my way to an interview I arranged that my cell phone rang and the gentleman on the other end had stumbled across my information  and wanted to interview me. So I agreed. On hanging up the phone God spoke to my heart again and said, "that's the job, take it."

Now mind you, this is a job in the mortgage industry that I with all my heart do not want to be in. Secondly, His spirit was telling me to take a job I had not been offered, and in an office I had not seen, to work for someone I had not met. All of which led to yesterday's post.

God in brief moments graciously allows me to hear His voice from time to time. To have a sense of where He wants to fellowship with me. I don't know why, or what it might lead to, but as I try to obey, the occasional success allows an incredible connection to Him in my spirit.

My life may not look like much to the world, but Jesus and me are growing closer everyday. Even this morning I felt a huge smile from heaven as I thought about my lunch with Mr Unlovable No. 2.
I didn't learn much about how he ticks, but I did learn that at 40 something, he has never been married though wants desperately to marry the right person. I learned that all he has in this world for family is a local brother, a sister that lives in England, and an uncle. That on the holidays his brother works so he never spends time with him then. His parents are both gone after 35 years of marriage.

Most importantly I learned that inside him is a story. As I draw it out I already know that it will impact me just like Lilly's, Greg's, and Robert's stories have.

This is real life. This is walking with God in the mundane world of the American workforce. And it is beautiful.

And in His ever love God confirms this passage with something I just read. T Austin-Sparks wrote, "Go back to the place where, for the time being, the Lord has put you, where He has called you to live your life and do your work in all the trial and difficulty and suffering of it, and do not strain to get out of it. Do not lose the present value of it by always living mentally or hopefully in a time when you will be out of it, but go back there and recognize that if you are the Lord's, if you love God and are called according to purpose (as you are if you are in Christ), God is seeking to do something with you and in you by means of the conditions of your present situation. You will only defeat God's end if you try to get out, and will fail to recognize and accept what He is seeking to do... we must go back to the sphere and conditions in which the Lord has placed us, with this attitude — God has a thought which relates to me as one of His Own; and that thought is, that through the conditions and sufferings of my life He should develop in me the features of His Son. On the one hand, the features of the old creation may be seen to be more and more terrible and horrible, as I recognize them in myself; but over against that God is doing something which is other than myself, not me at all. He is bringing into being Another, altogether other, and that is His Son. Slowly, all too slowly; nevertheless something is happening. That son-ship is not very much manifested yet, but it is going to be manifested. What God has been doing will come out into the light eventually — conformity to the image of His Son; "that He might be the firstborn among many brethren." So we look out upon the people of God on the earth amongst whom we are included, and we have to adjust our ideas as to why we are here. There may be things to do, but God is far more concerned with the being than with the doing, and we have to learn all over again what service is."

Mr. Unlovable No. 2

1 Corinthians 4:5 "Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men's hearts; and then each man's praise will come to him from God."

Mr Unlovable No. 1 is a fellow by the name of Greg. You can read the story here.

Basically Greg for me is a representation of everything I find disgusting. And yet in that disgust God used him to teach me something about myself and my relationship to the Father. To this day I still occasionally see Greg and gladly strike up conversation with him.

But there is a new Mr. Unlovable in my life. This one is in my work place. The dynamics of the offense are huge as the environment is something completely new for me. Forget that I have always been in charge wherever I have worked, and now I am merely a worker bee. The bigger shock is working in a cubicle. Now I know many are perfectly fine with working from a cubicle, but I have never not worked from an office in my 25 years in the workforce. So it's a pretty big change.

That said, this environment allows me to hear the conversations of my co-workers. Mr. Unlovable No. 2 sits just a few feet away, and according to my sound meter application on my iPhone is hitting me with about 70 db every time he is on the phone. (Yes I measured it) That is if he doesn't leave his cubie... he has a head set and it gives him the freedom to pace while on the phone. A pacing path that comes right behind me. So the physical irritation is at max. All of which I might be able to tune out if he did not represent everything in business sales that disgust me. He is a hard sale, mis-information (liar), critical, non-listening sales person. Frankly... he is full of crap.

So what do I do? Me, I complain. I complained to Mr. Unlovable No.2 and management. I tried to complain to God, but He said, "Love him." What is God's deal? Why does He hide His most beautiful truths in the most offensive of people.

Hoping management would move me or him, and this whole finding some spiritual treasure in the guy would pass - - I made my best argument. After all everyone in the office can't stand the guy... oh and by the way... I participated in the gossip too. So the boss calls me in his office this morning and tells me, "I like where you sit, the best way to deal with it is close 10 loans a month."

And so my quest begins. Not to do ten loans a month, but to find something lovable in this guy. To find out what his life story is, and why is he so offensive to me.

Step 1 - I invited him to lunch. 

Stay tuned.

 

Insatiable

Contentment - Tanielle

Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."

Learning to be content in the presence of an insatiable appetite for more has to be my primary struggle. Oh from time to time I am able to turn that appetite to God, and have an insatiable hunger for more of Him. But more often than not it is just plain discontent with present circumstances.

Sometimes that discontent is related to the pain of the situation, other times that discontent is related to wanting more of whatever good is happening.

Take work for example. Here I come and grind out 40 hours a week. I punch the clock at 9:00am. Leave for lunch at noon, and punch out for the day at 6:00pm. About an hour or two of that day is spent actually working... at least that's what it seems like. So here 3 weeks into the new job it appears I will be the top producer for the month. Good right? Favor right?

You would think, but for me it is a fight to not want more. If I can produce $1MM in loans in just a couple of hours, give me more leads and perhaps I can do $3MM or $4MM. And so I begin to not be thankful for what I have because I see the hypothetical of so much more. I loose contentment because instead of a slow crawl out of financial despair I can see a quick way out if circumstances would just cooperate.

It is in all of this that the Holy Spirit presents the opportunity to be content in current circumstances. After all, if there were not a seemingly better opportunity then how could one be "content" in current circumstances. So today presents the opportunity for contentment. Something far opposite of the striving the world and life has to offer. Polar opposite to "getting ahead" so that in a day of lack there is something to fall back on for that contentment.

Add to this yesterday's scripture from John 21. Peter asked Jesus, what about John? What are Your plans for him? To which Jesus basically says mind your own business and worry about yourself. And so I sit here, practicing His presence, trying to discover all the truth of being His child, and forcing myself to be content. Forcing myself not to compare my circumstances with those of anyone else. Content that everything the day holds is masterfully crafted for me by my Father. I choose to be content in the truth I am exactly where God wants me.

The Wisdom of Robert

Robert Franklin

John 21:22, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!"

On Friday I got to spend a little over an hour talking with Robert. Physically he is in the realm of the mentally challenged, but spiritually he is such a good soul. And though I wrote down several of his thoughts as we talked one in particular has stuck with me.

Robert said, "The only thing worse than an enemy is someone trying to help you that does not know what they are doing."

Why is it that we can so easily and arrogantly go tromping off into people's lives with all manner of "help," and yet be a big ball of mess ourselves.

From a religious perspective is it that we somehow think God only speaks to, or has relationship with us? Do we forget that we are to be a "living example," and not just an advice machine?

Our calling from God is to be love, to live love, to act love. Not to talk love. This is a difficult thing to start, but a very easy thing to finish. It is difficult to be with someone and not try to solve their problems for them. And yet loving without solving is the very thing we are to do.

Of the referenced scripture Oswald Chambers says, "One of our severest lessons comes from the stubborn refusal to see that we must not interfere in other people's lives. It takes a long time to realize the danger of being an amateur providence, that is, interfering with God's order for others. You see a certain person suffering, and you say - He shall not suffer, and I will see that he does not. You put your hand straight in front of God's permissive will to prevent it, and God says - "What is that to thee?" If there is stagnation spiritually, never allow it to go on, but get into God's presence and find out the reason for it. Possibly you will find it is because you have been interfering in the life of another; proposing things you had no right to propose; advising when you had no right to advise. When you do have to give advice to another, God will advise through you with the direct understanding of His Spirit; your part is to be so rightly related to God that His discernment comes through you all the time for the blessing of another soul.

Most of us live on the borders of consciousness - consciously serving, consciously devoted to God. All this is immature, it is not the real life yet. The mature stage is the life of a child which is never conscious; we become so abandoned to God that the consciousness of being used never enters in. When we are consciously being used as broken bread and poured-out wine, there is another stage to be reached, where all consciousness of ourselves and of what God is doing through us is eliminated. A saint is never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously dependent on God."

And here the Holy Spirit takes this lesson, this wisdom of Robert, and weaves it into the lesson of the past week, in being a child of God. As a child, we not only defer to our Father, but we are abandoned to Him. Not consciously His Child, but consciously dependent on Him.

As a result one of the many lessons is; our doing good is not always helpful. Only when it is born out of 100% dependence on Him, and at His instruction is it right.

Confirmation

2 Corinthians 13:1, "This is the third time I am coming to you. Every fact is to be confirmed by the testimony of two or three witnesses."

One key point in my book God Speaks is that everything God speaks, He confirms. This happens so often in the bible. Perhaps Jesus was the only one who did not need for the Father to repeat Himself.

For me God is repeating the lesson of Sonship. No sooner do I have the experience then the following day I met 3 people who God is saying the very same thing. One person heard it while in prayer on a silent retreat. So all around me is the confrimation of God calling me to walk deeper in this sonship... in being His child.

Then I open my computer this morning and read this from Oswald Chambers, "We should be so one with God that we don’t need to ask continually for guidance. Sanctification means that we are made the children of God."

Oswald goes on to the results of this God's child awareness. Like Christ seeing and hearing what the Father was doing, being a child of God gives us a new awareness of what God is doing around us. Oswalds says, "We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the growth of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail. Never believe that so called random events of life are anything less that God's appointed order. Be ready to discover His divine designs anywhere and everywhere."

How childlike must we be to achieve this. What childlike faith it must take let go of our explanations and expectations to see God's perfect working not only in our lives, but in others.

Sonship

Romans 9:25 -26, "As He says also in Hosea, "I WILL CALL THOSE WHO WERE NOT MY PEOPLE, `MY PEOPLE,' AND HER WHO WAS NOT BELOVED, `BELOVED.' AND IT SHALL BE THAT IN THE PLACE WHERE IT WAS SAID TO THEM, `YOU ARE NOT MY PEOPLE,' THERE THEY SHALL BE CALLED SONS OF THE LIVING GOD."

Yesterday on the way home from work the financial pressures of my life hit me hard. It has been a while (days... maybe weeks) since I have taken my eyes off the face of God and looked at the waves,  but I am overdrawn at the bank, cable is due, cell phone is due, truck needs tires, book is still not completely paid for, plus a bunch of other things. As I forced myself to look back to the face of God, and not reach out for His hand I found myself wanting to phone a friend. Literally I wanted to phone Russell who I know is always good for an answer.

Kind of funny that here I am in the complete presence of the creator of the Universe. Not just the One with all the answers, but the Answer, and I want to hear from a friend.

So I purposed in my heart not to call, but to probe deeper into the heart of God. Not to ask for a solution, but to ignore the problem and find the place of fellowship with Him. It was then the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. He said, "Do you not understand what I am trying to teach you?" A rethorical question I guess, because I don't understand. Is it to not be afraid in fearful circumstances? Is it to trust Him more? Is it punishment for my stupidity? I have no idea... but it is clear that I am missing it.

And then the Holy Spirit says, "I am teaching you to be a son." I have read Romans 8:29 a thousand times, but in that statement it came more alive in me. "So that He (Jesus) would be the firstborn among many brethren." This whole purpose of life, of a spiritual walk, of salvation, sanctification, death, burial, and resurrection, of becoming aware of Christ in me is so that I can be called a son of God. The implications of which are crazy.

This is something I have been theologically thought, but to experience the fulness in revelation is a whole other animal. Not that I have arrived, because I have not. Not that I can earn it, because I cannot. But to become a son of God? To be in the process of becoming and being taught to be a son of God? Do you understand that Jesus was crucified in part for admitting He was The Son of God?

I am blown away by the implications of this spirit inspired thought. I am humbled that me... and you... have the opportunity to not be step children, but to be true sons and daughters of God. Can you imagine a world if the church would progress to this part in spiritual reality and not just intellect? Can you image a world where we ARE sons of God, instead of just calling ourselves that? Where God has imbraced us as sons & daughters?

I think I have discovered Stage V of practicing His presence. And more than that, the Holy Spirit has also spoken Stage VI and where I go from here. But for the meantime I am going to fully emerse myself in this new reality and learn from it, and be aware of my eldest brother Jesus teaching me to be a son like He was to our Father.

Without delay... no sooner did I complete this writing and God uses T Austin-Sparks to once again confirm my thoughts. T Austin-Sparks wrote, "For the fulness of God’s thoughts a vessel has to be constituted accordingly, and if the fulness of God’s thoughts is sonship as the means of the universal dominion of which this letter speaks, the universal dominion of Christ, then our training is along the lines of sonship, for we are called to that ministry."

Spiritual Domestication

Psalms 95:7, "For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture and the sheep of His hand. Today, if you would hear His voice."

For a couple of days now I have had this thought of, why are we born spiritually domesticated? Void of spiritual instincts and the necessary tools not only for spiritual survival but spiritual thriving.

Domestication is the process of taming an animal through selective breeding. It is a taming to human control, and need for provision. And in fact sheep and dogs were the first animals believed to be domesticated. So what is God saying when He calls us His sheep? What is the Holy Spirit saying in this negatively connotative term of "spiritually domesticated."

Somehow my thoughts are that we as a nation have become spiritual domesticated to man's control. That our "religion" has dumbed us down spiritually to the point that we have lost all thriving instinct. That as a people we are slow to respond spiritually because we have become too use to the hand feeding us. Have we lost the spiritual desire to go and find our own feed, to react on instinct to the wolves, to avoid pits and pitfalls.
Perhaps we have just been domesticated to the wrong source. Jesus said my sheep hear My voice. (John 10:27)

To me the thought conjures up additional lessons in the kingdom of God. That we are domesticated to His kingdom, or to the other kingdom of Satan - - the kingdom of human thought, initiative, and capacity. Or perhaps being spiritually domesticated is living outside the perfect design of God. Programed to follow a routine, but not living liberally under the Master's guidance. Domesticated to man's control and ideas, instead of tamed by God Himself.

I think Oswald Chambers would say this spiritual domestication is a reliance on intellect and the effects of redemption instead of relying on the Redeemer. He said, "When we preach the historical facts of the life and death of our Lord as they are conveyed in the New Testament, our words are made sacred. God uses these words, on the basis of His redemption, to create something in those who listen which otherwise could never have been created. If we simply preach the effects of redemption in the human life instead of the revealed, divine truth regarding Jesus Himself, the result is not new birth in those who listen. The result is a refined religious lifestyle, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in a realm other than His. We must make sure that we are living in such harmony with God that as we proclaim His truth He can create in others those things which He alone can do."

Allow Christ to tame you spirituality, not man and his definition. Spiritual domestication to man is to be a goat, while Christ makes sheep. (Matt 25: 32-33)

Breaking the Silence in Sexual Abuse

Luke 12:2-3, "But there is nothing covered up that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. Accordingly, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in the inner rooms will be proclaimed upon the housetops."

Having been a victim of sexual abuse before the age of five by a neighborhood teenager I can say that I am particularly sensitive to the people who have in anyway been victimized by similar events. I have in my circle of friends four people that were sexually abused by their fathers. A suffering far worse than mine in my opinion. Also included is a parent whose son raped his daughter. I have more than one friend who an older women decided to initiate them at way too early an age. An all too common occurrence as I read of another female teacher's arrest just the other day. And there are more that I know whose experience, those less dramatic, is no less impacting on their life. All of these people, and myself, were raped.

RAPED! I said it. Not only were bodies raped, but dignity was raped. Trust was raped. Emotions were raped. Lives were raped.

In the headlines is a Penn State football coach charged with having sex with a 10 year old boy. Folks, I'm sorry, but there is no such thing as a perverted old man "having sex" with a 10 year old boy. It is called RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Statutory rape, but rape none the less. No matter if the act was coerced at the end of gun, or a crafty abuse of power and influence it is still coercion, and it is still rape.

And to those of you reading this that have been raped, that have been the victim of sexual abuse, I will tell you this. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. The victim did not invite the attack. And we as a nation of Christians have got to stop the silence. We have got to stop allow the shame to hide the truth. For the folks at Penn State there are two other indicted for the cover up. Money, shame, fame, none of it is reason to cover up the truth. Shame on you people of the occupy movements. Your silence and cover up is a crime. The truth will be revealed. What happened in the dark will come to the light, or for the victim, without an avenue to speak the truth -- will be eaten up inside for the rest of their life.

For me... it ate at me for 25 years, until I finally spoke up. And now I speak up for those that remain silent.

The silence, the cover up, the imposition of shame upon the victim is the second crime. The inability to speak up, or worse the forcing to be quite is as my friend Jim says, "an even deeper, more devastating invalidation." That is why I am so proud of my Pastor. As deep as it hurt, he brought to the light someone on his staff sexually abusing a 16 year old girl. They didn't participate in the silence. They shined a light on the perpetrator, and cooperated with his prosecution and arrest.

The silence has got to end. Statistically 75% of everyone, male and female, is sexually abused before the age of 18. If you have not been, you are in the minority. If you have been then it's time to speak up, to heal, and to invite others to heal.

And if you have no one to speak up to, call me, write me... anything. I will be there for you, and if not will put you with people who will. 

And this is where I stopped. 

That was until meeting with Jim and the men of Iwo Jima. It was here that Jim said, "I wish Chad had been here so we could talk about it." And then it hit me. The silence for the perpetrator is equally condemning. The Bible says confess your sins to one another. Likewise there needs to be an avenue within Christianity where a person can come and say, "I am struggling with..." Especially for people in positions of trust. How much more is the pressure to suppress and deal internally with ungodly desires?


So the invitation is extended further. For those who struggle with inappropriate desires, here once again is an open, non-judgmental ear, and reflection of Christ to walk with you through that valley. -- Here is your lifeline.

Perfect?

Christ on the Cross - Rembrandt

Hebrew 10:14, "For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified."

No sooner do I write It's a Process, and the Holy Spirit confronts me with Hebrews 10:14. How can we be in the process of being conformed to the image of Christ like Romans 8:29 tells us, and already be perfect? Is this a contradiction of scripture?

Of course scripture talks about dying with Him and being raised in Him, and so far as He is perfect and sanctified then we are too... or at least that is how the Father sees us. How confusing it all can be until we obtain the mind of God in a matter. I for one know that my actions, attitudes, thoughts, feelings, and more are far from perfect. So I defer to T Austin-Sparks for a little enlightenment on how we as imperfect in our flesh are made perfect in spirit by Jesus.

He says, "The calling and position of the Lord’s people as set forth in this letter (Hebrews)and elsewhere, is shown to be heavenly not earthly, and that from the divine standpoint is final. That is God’s conclusion, that is God’s settled mind: the church is heavenly and not earthly. The church is not becoming heavenly, it is not going to heaven. From God’s standpoint it is now heavenly, utterly and finally. But we are not going to stay with that for the moment."

As a result this perfection and sanctification that God sees, He sees within the confines and definition of the kingdom of God. We walk on earth, walking out our sanctification, that in the spirit is perfect, but in the flesh a weak example. So the progression, the process if you will, occurs on the level of spirit ruling over flesh. The spirit is reborn, it is perfected, it is sanctified, it is the image of Christ, but it is not in charge immediately at salvation.

So the progression is the process of that spirit being in charge of our soul. The soul being that which knows good and evil. The soul makes a moment by moment choice between flesh and Christ, and the progression is that the soul is constantly presented with receiving the kingdom of God or forfeiting it. This is in part the violent confrontation Jesus spoke of when He said, the kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent take it by force. This war on the border of good and evil is every present in our soul.

So we are perfect in Christ. We are perfect in spirit, and God judges entrance into the kingdom of God based on this spirit. But so long as we walk on earth, and in its dying imperfection, the perfect will be at conflict with the imperfect in us, until we obtain unity, and until we attain a life marked with the image of Christ.

As I looked for an image to go along with this post I was searching for something that signified perfection. As I looked through the images under than search term I was not shocked, but perhaps thankful that what I saw is no longer my definition of perfection. Instead I picked Perfection in the position to bring perfection to our spirits.

It's a Process

Romans 8:29, "For those who He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be firstborn among many brethren;"

This past weekend I ran my german shorthaired pointer in his first field trial. We have done Hunt Test to this point, a lessor, tamer, version of a field trial. But this was the real deal. Full on competition for first place amongst a decent size field of top level dogs.

Remi ran perfect in the field trial portion, and the judges expressed a lot on interest in him. Having done all he was supposed to do he was selected for the call back. A call back is for the top 4 dogs to come back and demonstrate thier retrieving ability. All Remi had to do was point, wait for me to flush, wait for the gunners to shoot, wait for me to command the retrieve, and retrieve the bird. But he could not wait. As soon as the bird hit the ground he took off for the retrieve. "Pick up your dog," said the judge as he disqualified my dog.

Just two weeks before he was DQ'd in the field for a hunt test, so we had made progress, but it sure did not seem like it.

I've told this long tale (pun intended) because for some strange reason we do the very same thing with the people around us. We expect perfection the first time. And yet life is a process. Christianity is a process. We are to "become comformed." We are not reborn into the image of Christ, just like Remi is not born as a field champion, even though his bloodlines are that of a champion. Practice, practice, practice which invariably means failure, failure, failure before it all comes together and the bloodline shows true to its form.

And so we can find reason to forgive our own failures, to accept the free gift of forgiveness in Christ, and press on to the high calling because we realize it is a process for us. But we need to also freely give that forgivness. We need to see that Christianity is not only a process for us, but it is a process for those around us. A process on God's time table, and a process that has no limits in failures. It is not the failure that makes us like Christ. It is the failures that make us realize that though we are now of His same bloodlines, there is a long way to go before we are an accurate reflection of Him. So cut some slack to those around you. They are in the process too. When the failures and imperfections come just chalk it up to practice and the process of becoming a reflection and an image of Christ.

Salvation - The Beginning... not the End

The Apostle Paul - Rimbrandt

Romans 7:18, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not."

Why is it that we as Christians think that because of salvation we are suddenly perfected? Why do we believe that just because we have escaped judgment for sin, that we are no longer sinners? That is a great lie and a source of spiritual arrogance. This idea that one can be of less sin than another is used often by Satan to feed the lust of power and domination. The truth is far from that.

Paul, an apostle, writer of two thirds of the new testament says of himself, "nothing good dwells in me." He understood what he was. He time and time again had to look at himself in the light of the truth. Why is this? It is because he was in constant fellowship with Christ. He saw himself for who he was time and time again because with Christ in him he clearly saw the difference in who he was and who Christ is. After years of sanctification, after years of taking up the cross and allowing it to crucify his flesh, and for Christ to be resurrected in its place; he still could see so much in himself that was still completely other from Christ.

Is it this that we can say is the true mark of a Christian? Someone always aware of his/her otherness from Christ because Christ is always there in fellowship showing Himself.

We on the other hand receive salvation as an end and not a beginning. We accept the forgiveness and somehow believe in sinlessness from that point forward. Our life continues, seeking, hoping for, asking for God’s blessings on our efforts all the while Christ wanting to show us those efforts are not His -- even if done in His name.

But Lord, I built a mega ministry for you… Depart from Me, I never knew you. Why would He not say that if it will be said of those who and cast out demons, healed the sick, and raised the dead. (Matt 7)

Why do we try to repay the free gift of salvation? It is priceless and no amount of church attendance or service in the guilt of that gift will repay. In fact, to try is to cheapen the sacrifice of our Father and the obedience of our Lord.

The only thing that can be done is to seek Him, to seek His face, to seek to be aware of His presence and to spend time in that presence. To walk with God as He intended for Adam, and to continue to be prepared for the day when we, under Christ Lordship, walk in dominion. There is no repayment, but there is obedience. Obediently going where He goes today. There is humility that will allow everything that is not Christ to be stripped from us.

Listen to what T Austin-Sparks wrote on the subject, "But I am going to put that in another way. It is the breaking of the power and the stripping off of the whole natural life. The whole natural life of man now since the fall since Satan’s interference and man’s response to Satan’s interference is in itself the great obstruction in the way to God’s purpose in him and for him; and when I speak of the whole natural life I am not just speaking of that sinful life which everybody recognises and acknowledges to be evil. I am speaking about man as he is. According to this world’s standards, and according to the best standards of men, he may be called a good man, but God says: "There is none righteous, no not one." And the great apostle himself said: "In me, that is in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing." That lies behind our religious life very often. Our very religious life can be energised by nature. Our interests for the Lord may be by the energy of our own natural life, and so we find the flesh sporting itself in the things of God, a kind of natural interest carried over into divine things: that just as you might be taken up with interesting things in this world, and study them, and apply them, and use them, and turn them to certain account for the furtherance of certain interests, so you have swung all the application of mind and heart and wisdom to the things that are divine, and you begin to manipulate things for God, and organise things for God, and govern things for God, and be something in the things of God. It is all the natural man brought over into divine things, which can be interesting, fascinating. Yes, the deep things of God making an appeal to that in us which can be so fascinated, things such as prophecy, the things to come."

Don't be fascinated with knowing about God. Be consumed with knowing Him. Don't believe salvation has changed a thing other than access to God. But know that knowing God, walking in constant fellowship with Him, aware He is alive in you, that His kingdom is in you - - that will change your life... whether you want it or not.

Sweet & Sour

Job 1:21, "He said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.'"

It has been a wonderful week for me. So many victories experienced on the battlefield of life. So wonderful it has actually almost become a distraction to being aware of Christ. Good news with my Dad, great outcomes at work almost cause the excitement to overrun the One responsible for it all.

So today, like the song posted says, I turn back to say, "Bless the name of the Lord." Thank you Father for your love and your faithfulness.

And even as I say this for myself I am reminded of Romans 12:15 as I read a text message from a true warrior friend of mine. The scripture says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." So if you choose, rejoice with me in God's rich blessings while I morn with my friend whom tragedy has come calling in his world.

In it all God is in control. He controls the sweet, and He controls the sour. They each have their place. This is Jim quoting Dr. Lissa Rankin has he wrestles with a Father taking his own life, and the fall out from that. Dr. Rankin says, “Joy and despair are not opposite ends of some proverbial emotional spectrum.  They are sisters on the path to being radically alive - and they are not so far apart from each other as you might think.  From the pits of despair, you are suddenly able to access a level of joy so deep and profound - in the absence of any personal triumph that might otherwise cause you to feel joyful.  Maybe our darkness is really nothing to fear.  Maybe we need not avoid journeying into the depths of despair.  Maybe it is in the pit that we mysteriously gain access to our greatest joy.  Maybe joy and pain are so intimately connected that we must truly experience one in order to fully know the other.  If we fear our terror, grief, and anger, we blunt our giddy, giggly, overwhelming joy.  And who would want that?"