I met Tim today at Tomball Love Machine. For those who don't know, Tomball Love Machine is a co-ed group that gets together once a week in Tomball. Together we are a "safe place" for one another to express, question, learn, teach, and experience life in God. It's not a support group, though very supportive. It's not a recovery group, those certainly people have recovered as a result. It is really just what church probably was intended to be. A place of love and acceptance. A place you are welcome to come to with me.
So back to Tim... Tim retired a year and a half ago after a successful career in the art industry. Him and his wife had grand plans to enjoy their twilight years traveling. That was of course until his wife was diagnosed with cancer. Five weeks ago she passed away, one week short of their 37th wedding anniversary.
It was his wife's passing, and the crisis it created, that led Tim to a place of self described "surrender." Here is a man that depended on his wife for a whole lot more than companionship. She was the technology expert, fluent in navigating the computer. She took care of much more than cooking and cleaning, but the check book as well. Imagine waking up at sixty something having not used a washing machine in decades, or having not looked at an online bank statement...ever. The whole prospect of surviving can appear daunting. Just all salt in the wounds of loosing a lifelong companion, partner, and friend.
Tim has some anger. He has quite a few fears. But what is incredibly beautiful is the completeness of his surrender to God. He described it like this.
Imagine spending your whole life working to make money and being very successful at it. Only to wake up one day to realize all the work, all the money in the world cannot save his wife. Equally, to continue to on for the purpose of making money is futility, because more money is, once again, not going to bring his wife back. This confrontation of his life, his purpose, his being, and his well being led him to conclude there is nothing but God. This is surrender. The place where you realize there is NOTHING but God and His will.
In five weeks everyone that surrounds him, including his children have witnessed the transformation of surrender. His purpose is now to obey God today. He has seen the futility of plans, and received the joy of obeying daily. It is an absolutely spectacular thing to here and see. For me it is encouragement to continue on the journey God has me on. It is comforting to not be alone in the challenge of surrender.
Tim misses his wife. He still hurts tremendously. But the crisis precipitated a transformation. One in which he sees God clearer than ever before, and experiences His love in ways unimaginable. Leading to his greatest fear of all... that comfort and complacency might lead him back to the person he once was.
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