I was allowed the opportunity to spend some time with a man, that for this post we will call David. David is days away from being on the front lies of his world war II... a second divorce.
At first he shows the attitude of no big deal, this is something for the better, but I refuse to buy into that lie. Forget theology for a moment, it is never better for a child to have his two loving parents split. It is never better for a child to be forced to divide his time and attention between people he/she loves equally. And so, with this thought the conversation moved deeper.
I listened a lot, and what I discovered was that according to David it is all his wife's fault. It is her fault for being jealous of David and his ex being so amicable in the dealings with the child of his first marriage. It is her fault for being too close to her parents. It is her fault for not raising her daughter from a previous marriage in accordance with David's demands and discipline prescribed to their child together. All difficulties any blended family could experience. But complete fallacy that his wife's thoughts, feelings, and attitudes are the cause of the legal proceedings.
He went into great detail, and being in a blended family myself I was able to offer some very alternative reactions to the issues. In the end, I had to remind him that God can work all things together for good. I could have gone a lot of different directions with this opportunity. I could have condemned, quoted scripture, advised, tried to fix... but that was not where Christ was in me.
For me to be Christ was to offer an alternative to the emotional physics of every action has an opposite and equal reaction. This does not have to be the law of the relationship. In fact, the conversation ended with this statement from me. I said, It takes a very big man to allow his wife to be who she is, to have her emotions, feelings, opinions, and pains while simultaneously allowing her to comment, correct, and complain about everything about you. To do this, to allow the hypocrisy to exists without argument is nearly impossible. But if you can get there, then your example will gradually change her, and she will eventually do the same for you.
I don't care what age you are, but you made it to where you were not because you have everything right. You made it there because God allowed it, because He stepped in time and time again. As you go forward it does not matter what direction you go, just so long as you go with God. If you are married, that path with God is not determined by what you think. There is not a wrong or right in terms of his way or her way. God's way is the path of peace. Choose peace, even if it means surrendering to the other side. If both sides love God, then both sides can guide to a good thing. All things work together for good for those who love Him. Go... but go together, and go in peace.
It is not their fault... it's your fault. Romans 12:18, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." Or in this case... all women.
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