The Widower

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

Psalms 51:8-10, "Make me to hear joy and gladness, Let the bones which You have broken rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins and blot our all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

I just love the community of people that is Tomball Love Machine. It is a dynamic group with some comings and goings, but in general it is a space rich in healing love, and bounding in learning experience. Today, like last week, the star of the show, the person with the preeminent need of seeing Christ's love was Tim.

If you don't recall Tim's story, just click his name and the link will take you to it. For this post all that is important is that Tim is a widower on his 6th week of separation from his soul mate. The pain for him is crippling, and the tears are endless.

In the group there is all manner of perspective and genuine love tossed his way. It is all there with some intent to comfort. and to help him come to grips with. and embrace the pain, and to embrace the work the pain is doing in him. There is empathy as he shared his heart. There is encouragement that there is another side to the grief. There is sorrow, and "sorry" for not being able to snatch him out to a better place. But today there was also a compatriot. A man, who like Tim lost his wife to cancer. He had the most interesting, freeing, loving, perspective on the situation that I want to share with all widows and widowers. Actually, I want to share it with the world because it is a living example of agape love.

Mark is Tim's compatriot, and Mark said to Tim, "God blessed your wife with a man who could walk her through her own death. You have experienced what Mary did at the foot of the cross." Wow, what a perspective. Tim is blessed to have discovered God in a very personal way out of this tragedy... but to realize that his wife was blessed to have him?

Mark explained that in his situation it was his wife's destiny to die at 49 from ovarian cancer. And it was his destiny to be with her through it. The entire event/tragedy was a destiny with love. If Mark could have it to do over again, if he knew the destiny, he would do it again. Tim shares this feeling. If a check could be written to bring them back it would. But at the same time that check would be written from selfishness. Bringing them back represents stopping the pain. However, To be able to say, I will be that blessing again... even if I know the outcome... even if I had to watch them die again... that is love. That my friends is perspective from inside the kingdom of God.

Do you see how close to Christ they have come? To be willing to endure something again, because they love someone so much.

Tim cries at the thought that his wife's death contributed to his discovery of a surrendered life. He wonders if the loss could have been avoided and surrender achieved otherwise. What we see is that his ability to surrender his life was why God but him with her to begin with. He knew the great love that would come out of it. And the pain to follow is purifying to the heart.